Tiffany's Tales

2012 - A Year of Brave Adventure!

2012-01-07T19:06:00.014-05:00

Greetings everyone! Happy 2012 to all of my family and friends. I CANNOT believe that it is already 2012. It is true that time flies, and it flies faster the older you get. Anyway, for those of you who have known me for awhile, you know I tend to post some sort of "reflective" blog at the beginning of a new year. I like to look back on what God has done in the year that was just completed, as well as look forward to an unknown adventure. There is lots to discuss from this past year and in what promises to be a crazy year ahead. So here goes!

FAMILY
I love my family, and I am very thankful that we all got to be together over the holidays for a few days. We are spread out in 4 states - I'm in Florida, Matthew is in Georgia, my parents are in Tennessee, and Michael & Bekah are now in Texas. It's been a year since we were all together all at the same time, and we had a great time exploring my parents' new town. We have always been a family that was very interactive, and our time in Nashville was no different. Here is a sampling of what we did together...

We decorated our own Christmas ornaments with paint and straws and lots and lots of laughter. They didn't exactly turn out very well but we learned some very valuable lessons that we will use for next year!

We roasted hotdogs (and s'mores!) in the fireplace and had a fantastically yummy dinner! Pa was a great sport and cooked most of them for us.

We created a gingerbread house, and this was the first time Bekah had ever done this. It was lots of fun!

The finished product:

Please note the fence made out of twizzlers. My dad spent lots of time creating this, and made it look like a real picket fence. Very impressive!

We got to go to the Bluebird Cafe together, which was really cool. A lot of famous musicians have gotten their start there and it was fun to sit there and enjoy hearing songwriters play "in the round". We also took some fun photos in a giant rocking chair. Here are a few of those...

We did take a few real family pictures on our last day together. I will post those soon, but they need to be edited first. All in all, it was a great visit, and such a blessing to be able to relax and spend time with some of my favorite people. This year promises to be a big year for us all as there are a lot of big decisions to be made, and I look forward to seeing what God has in store for each person in my family.

FRIENDS
This fall marked the third year that Nikki and I have been roommates here in Orlando. 2011 held lots of adventures for us as individuals and as friends. We even had surgery at the same time this year! We also got to go to Greece together, and not only was that trip a blast, but it became life-changing for us both as it became a marker for us to continue growing and healing in big ways. God has been so gracious to allow our stories and lives to intersect, and I am so thankful for her and her friendship. 2012 promises to be a year filled with new adventures, and I can't wait to see what happens. It's such a blessing to have a sister to share all of the adventures with!

I have also enjoyed getting to know and bonding with some of the people in my cohort at school. I could not be on this journey without them to share it with, and you all know who you are! :) Love you and can't wait to see what this year holds.

Finally in the friend, or somewhat "more than friend" category, the end of 2011 brought an unexpected twist in this area. Almost 2 years ago, I met a guy at an interview weekend for another school here in the Orlando area that I was looking at for my counseling degree. He ended up going to school there and I did not, but we stayed in touch and have enjoyed building a friendship over the last year-and-a-half or so once he moved down here for school. I don't know what God has in store for us, but we are enjoying spending time together and getting to know each other more. He's awesome - loves God, gets it, understands what it means to have a story redeemed, has a great sense of humor, and he appreciates my unique "Tiffany-ness". I would appreciate your prayers for us both as we navigate the path God has before us. And yes to all my "moms" out there - I'll certainly keep you posted! :)

SCHOOL
I can hardly believe I am typing this, but God willing, 2012 will be the year that I graduate with my Master's degree! I am sooo ready to be done with school, but I know this year is going to be incredible, and I'm looking forward to all that it holds. I have learned so much in the last year and one semester. God has done remarkable healing in my life and is continuing to transform me from the inside out. And believe it or not, my student internship begins MONDAY! Oh.my.gosh. Just typing that makes me get a little nervous! :) I actually have my first clients scheduled on Wednesday of this next week. Yes, I'm nervous, but I am also ready. I'm ready to put into practice all that I have learned. I'm ready to use the unique ways God has made and gifted me, and I'm ready for Him to use me in whatever way He sees fit for whomever He brings in my door. Please pray for me. And pray for my first clients as I learn exactly how to counsel. :) I do not take any of this lightly. I believe every person's story is worth hearing and deserves honor, respect and dignity. It is my prayer that I will not lose sight of the holy ground that I am on each time someone shares their soul with me (hence the creation of the picture below I made so that I won't forget!). And I pray God will direct each word I speak so that I can be an instrument of healing as I walk with people through their pain. I'll keep you posted as this next chapter starts - I think it's going to be pretty life-changing!

THE MADNESS
In order to hopefully still pay bills, go to school and do the necessary hours for my internship, I am going to be working 6 days a week beginning on Monday. I can't think too far ahead or I would get very overwhelmed with the thought of all I have to do and all I have to balance. I would truly appreciate your prayers as I enter this next chapter. I obviously want to give my all to everything I am doing, and there are obviously things I have to do. In that, however, I still want to live life. I need to take care of myself, get rest, and have fun every now and then! It's not going to be easy, and I'm thankful for people in my life who will not let me get away with not being balanced. But I don't want to miss what God has for me each day, even in the madness. Prayers for peace, strength, endurance, and joyful abandon are greatly appreciated!

WORD FOR THE YEAR
In 2011, my word for the year was "love". I knew it was important for me to learn to love myself, exactly how God has made me, so that I can love Him and others well. God has done amazing work in my life in this area in the last year, and it is a work that will continue. My word for 2012 is "brave". There are many reasons for this, but one reason is that there are a lot of things God revealed to me in this last year, and now it's time for me to actually choose to live them out. That requires courage and bravery to be vulnerable, real, open and authentic. I also need to be brave as I begin seeing clients and then personally as I continue to grow and move forward in a journey of "more than friends". :) I believe God will be faithful to meet me in this area this year, but you can pray for my bravery as this new chapter begins. I can't wait to see what is in store and how God continues His work. I might not have a lot of time for updates, but I'll do my best. Know that each of you mean so much to me, as all of my life and experiences have led me to this time and place, for this purpose. May 2012 be a year of growth, hope, and transformation as you follow God wherever He leads you. Much love to you all!

Merry Christmas?

2011-12-09T20:30:00.002-05:00

As I sit here typing this blog, I'm watching A Charlie Brown Christmas, where little kids are declaring that Christmastime is here, our apartment is decorated for Christmas, the trees are lit....and yet I find myself identifying with Charlie Brown and not feeling like Christmas is really here. I work in a mall, and I can't help but ponder what Christmas has turned into and is really all about. We hear Christmas songs that tell us that Christmas is the most wonderful time of the year, and yet is it really? If it is, someone sure forgot to tell all the people who are shopping in the mall. Without fail, the time between Thanksgiving and Christmas seems to bring out the worst in people. I see more hostile and rude customers in these six weeks than in the entire rest of the year combined.

Let me give you an example of the most fantastic ways that people behave. Today I was finishing up helping some lovely ladies who were very kind when a man reached his arm across the counter and shook his cup in my face because he wanted a refill. Thankfully in that moment I was able to maintain a high level of control and he is still alive today (and I still have a job). But really? I wanted to break his arm! :) What has our society embraced that Christmas brings about such stress and meanness?

I find myself at times wanting to ask the customers why they are shopping for people if it makes them so miserable and stressed out. Since it would be somewhat poor form to ask my customers that, I will ask all of us instead. What does Christmas mean to us? This blog is actually not meant to be a rant against consumerism or commercialism, although working in a mall does give me ample evidence to rant against both. Rather, my question is this: what does giving someone a gift mean to us? Or receiving a gift? When Jesus was born in Bethlehem, his parents received some visitors. The wise men brought very expensive gifts, and while I'm sure Mary appreciated their kindness, I find it most fascinating her response to the shepherds that is recorded in scripture. The shepherds had no tangible gift to offer - they were poor. But they told Mary and Joseph about how they had seen a multitude of angels who had declared to them that their Savior had just been born. As they shared their story and all they had seen and heard, that was what Mary treasured and pondered in her heart. That was what she never forgot. What is true of us this Christmas? Whether we give or receive physical gifts, what do we treasure and what do we ponder in our heart? What of ourselves are we offering others? What will we remember from this Christmas? And what will we forget?

Since Thanksgiving, I can count on one hand the number of people who have told me Merry Christmas as I helped them. Because it happens so rarely, it always stands out. We are so consumed with ourselves and stuff that we don't even see the very people who are serving us. So on behalf of those of us making it possible for you to Christmas shop - be kind this holiday season. Take the time to realize we are people and would love to receive kindness and a smile. We're tired too and we're doing our best to serve you well. And if shopping for Christmas gifts turns you into the grinch, perhaps it's time to reevaluate what it is we're doing and why we're doing it.

In the meantime, pray for me. We still have a couple of weeks before Christmas, and the madness just intensifies each day. I want my treatment of guests - even towards those who are rude - to convey grace and peace and Christ because I am who I am thanks to the gift God gave for me so many Christmases ago. But if one more person shakes a cup in my face.... :) Love you all and wishing you a truly magnificent Christmas season!

Oil In The Eye!

2011-10-31T19:59:00.003-04:00

So today was an interesting day. I was at work, helping make the chicken so we could open and serve our lovely guests. The regular filets were finished cooking, and I was opening the deep fryer to remove them when some hot oil popped up and hit me directly in my right eye. This is not something I would suggest you try. :) I was able to go have my eye checked, and it turns out that there was damage done to the surface of my eye, but the damage is just surface level and it wasn't too bad. I have some antibiotic drops to put in it and will follow up with an ophthalmologist to make sure everything is fine, but it appears that it will all be okay. It was kind of a crazy day, but I'm thankful everything turned out how it did. I know it could have been much worse. My eye is sore now and feels kind of tight, like how your skin feels if it gets burned, but it's not too bad.

Since today is Halloween, I shall post a picture of me in my favorite Halloween costume. Someday I will wear this again! :) I might actually go put it on now and trick-or-treat at my own apartment. I'm sure Nikki won't mind!! Hope you all have a good week this week - can't believe November starts tomorrow!!

On Being Halfway Through and Homework

2011-10-19T19:13:00.003-04:00

Greetings friends and family! I haven't written a blog in a very long time. Since I had surgery 3 months ago to be exact. We'll get to that in a minute. But first, I would like to announce that when I take my final in my substance abuse class tomorrow night, I will be exactly halfway finished with my master's degree! I will just have the second half of this semester and next year to go! I'm excited about reaching this milestone. It's been a tough journey but a great one at the same time, and I know this last half of the program will fly by. We start our internship in January, where I will be seeing clients and getting to start putting into practice all that I have been learning. I know that will help make it more real and interesting and allow me to get to start doing what I hope to do once I am through with school. I interviewed yesterday and was accepted as a student intern at the counseling center I have gone to, and I'm super excited about that! I think it's going to be a great fit for me and I'm really looking forward to getting started in January.

And now on to other topics, such as why I have not put up a blog in many months. For those of you who have been readers for awhile, you know I've never hesitated to share struggles and be fairly real in my postings. However, to be completely honest, many of my blog posts are written after I've already processed my struggle. I don't mind being real about what I was struggling with - but I am not often real about my current struggles. My counselor gave me a homework assignment of writing a blog where I was honest about what I am feeling currently. She told me I didn't have to publish it - she just wanted me to write an honest blog - even in my place of not knowing or arriving at a fully processed moment - and to not sugarcoat anything. So that's what this is. And I decided to post it. (Do I get extra credit for this homework assignment now dear counselor???? ;p) I decided to post it mostly because I don't want to. Which means I probably need to. Because one of my biggest fears is that if people know what's really going on inside of me, they'll walk away and not want anything to do with me anymore. I know in my head that is not true, but I find it hard to believe in my heart. If you do actually take the time to read the rest of this blog, please don't feel compelled to tell me how great and wonderful you think I am for sharing this. Not that I will complain if you do! :) But this blog is for me, not for you. This is a first step of faith in taking a risk and moving forward on the journey towards trusting God again. I hope my honesty allows you to have your own honesty for whatever you might need to have it for. So without further ado, in no particular order, here are honest thoughts, feelings and admissions from my current place in life...

Thoughts on God
It really all starts and ends with God, doesn't it? Which means when you and God aren't on the greatest of terms, life tends to suck more. My journey over the last five years has led me through interesting times with God. Early on after the divorce, I felt exceptionally close to God. In my darkest night, He breathed for me when I didn't care if I breathed again. I know Him in deeper ways. And yet, five years later, I don't really like Him much right now. I don't trust Him. I'm afraid of what He might - or might not - have for me. I know all of the right spiritual answers and biblical truths in my head, but somehow I'm not believing them in my heart. I know God hasn't gone anywhere - I know I'm the one holding Him at arms length. But I am afraid that if I let go, if I surrender, He won't be real. That He will let me down. Or that I'll let Him down. So I keep pushing Him away, knowing life would be a lot better with Him close by but terrified of what that closeness will require. I know He wants everything - He wants my entire life and for me to let go of my illusion of control and trust Him - but even typing that almost makes me feel paralyzed with fear.

Thoughts on a Thyroid
It's been a really crappy three months since surgery in dealing with my hormones. Somehow before surgery I missed it that your thyroid is the primary mood controller/balancer in your body. I'm certainly aware of it now. My medication was too low for the first 8 weeks post-surgery, and I went through serious depression as a result. Horribly not fun. My life requires a lot of energy, and trying to do work and school and everything that goes with it with no energy and no sense of caring about anything? Well it's been a little tough. They increased my dosage about four weeks ago, and my energy level is getting back to normal, which is nice. I feel a little more like myself. However, I am having serious stomach problems, which I think is at least partially due to the higher dosage - I've always been super drug sensitive. Probably due some to stress too. But when the alternatives at this point are to be depressed or have your stomach eat itself, it's kind of annoying. I'm afraid I'm going to struggle with this for the rest of my life and wonder if I made a bad decision on having my thyroid removed. I'm frustrated with not feeling well and not feeling right. I'm tired of this process but know it could keep going for awhile. I have large amounts of hostility and want to hurt people and then will quickly swing to feeling exhausted and wanting to lay on the floor of the food court and take a nap. I feel like someone who is pregnant, except there is no reward at the end. I want God to fix it, to help doctors figure out the right combo and what works for me, and I just want to feel normal!

Thoughts on School
The closer I get to starting my internship, the more excited and more terrified I get. Part of me feels very ready - I have been well trained, I have learned a lot, and I am ready to start actually doing all the stuff I've learned about. And yet I am terrified of failure. I'm afraid that I won't be a good counselor - that someone will come in and I won't be able to help at all. I think I'll be a good counselor, but I want a guarantee. I've never been a huge risk taker. I want to know that I am going to be good at something and that I'll be successful. I'm about to get dumped into a counseling room and real people with real struggles will come in, looking to me to walk with them through their journeys. What do I know? I'm just as afraid of change as they will be and I'm going to be asking them to take risks in their journeys that I'm still struggling to take in my own. I'm afraid that I'll let down the people who think I'm going to be good at this, that I'll disappoint those who believe in me and disappoint myself. I'm super good at administrative tasks because there isn't much risk there. I can do a task, complete it, do it well and move on with success. Counseling is organic. It's artistic and emotional and requires flexibility and creativity, which is how I've been made, but living out of that part of me is risky and scary and terrifying.

Thoughts on People
When it comes to relationships, I didn't realize until perhaps fairly recently how much damage was done when it comes to my willingness to trust others. I trust people to a point, but when it comes to sharing all of myself - struggles, hopes, dreams, fears - the deepest parts of my artist heart that make me me, I tend to hold back. Mostly out of fear that if people see who I really am it won't be good enough for them and they'll leave. I have lived a bit with the mindset of "I'll leave you before you can leave me", but I haven't done this by walking away from people. I have done this by holding people at arms length and only letting them get so close. The problem with this is that we all suffer because relationships and friendships can only go so far when this is the case. I want to be who God has made me to be. I want to be myself - to be snarky if I need to be, to laugh with joyful abandon, to maybe even cry if I need to. But I'm so afraid to let go because I'm afraid if I'm any of those things, someone might walk away. I'm afraid to not be enough, to not meet expectations, to be less than perfect, to be weak or needy. I know I need to just take a risk and give people the benefit of the doubt to respond well. But I cannot imagine actually letting someone see me cry. To be that risky and vulnerable, to let go of control and be that real....it makes my stomach eat itself even more. :)

Thoughts on Life
I have recently come to the realization how afraid I really am that I will spend the rest of my life alone - that I'll never really fit in anywhere, that everyone I know will have a family and I'll be the nice single friend who tags along. I used to think it wouldn't be a big deal if I never married again. And I know I would be okay. But I am admitting out loud that I really do want a family. I would love to be married to a man who loves God and loves his family well. I would love to be a mom. I'm afraid I'll never have that chance. I'm afraid there won't be a guy who would want me, especially this me who doesn't have it all together or have all the answers or isn't okay all the time. I want to be free to just be myself and know someone will love that me and that we can fight without them leaving. I hope that exists, but I'm afraid it never will. I'm afraid that the reality I have now - the struggle to provide for myself, to carry all the financial burdens, to have to open all my own jars that are sometimes impossible to open, to have to kill all the bugs....is the reality that will always be and it's depressing to think that might never change.

And this friends is where I am going to end this post. I don't have a neat little bow to tie this up with - to show the redemption in it. I believe God is in all of this, but I don't have any answers. I know some of what I need to do, and I know what my issues are. I know where I am and I know where I'd like to be, but I'm not sure how to get from point A to point B. I don't like not knowing, I'm not really a fan of feeling all of these emotions, but this is where I am right now. This is where I need to sit. And someday I'll write the post that shows God's redemptive work. But tonight I'm just leaving it be and trusting He loves me right where I am.

Home From Surgery

2011-07-20T17:10:00.003-04:00

Hi everyone! I'm home from the hospital, minus a thyroid, hurtin' every time I swallow but very thankful to have made it through this experience with fairly minimal issues. I was really nervous when I arrived at the hospital early yesterday morning, but everyone was so kind to me and helped keep me calm. I remember being wheeled into the operating room but I don't remember an absolute thing after that until I woke up in recovery. I am super drug sensitive and they had given me a really strong pain med post surgery, so I was really nauseous after waking up and almost threw up twice. It took awhile for the effects of that to wear off, and when it did, I was in a tremendous amount of pain. The issue with this surgery is that they put the breathing tube down your throat while they operate. So the back of your throat hurts from that, but the front of your throat/neck hurts because it's been sliced open and pieces cut out, etc. Combine the two together, and I'll let you imagine how painful it is to swallow. I toughed it out as long as I could because I didn't want to feel sick again, but by 6:30 last night, I couldn't handle it anymore. So I asked for some medication and they gave me vicodin. It worked for the pain, but not so much for me. Remember the super drug sensitive part? Yeah. At midnight they gave me half of a pill to see if that would help the pain but not give such bad side effects as the whole pill did. About 20 minutes later, I was jittery, shaky, my arms and hands were numb and tingly, I was nauseous and I felt like I was floating to the ceiling. Not really a good combination. So I am home from the hospital armed with nothing but extra strength tylenol and attempting to manage my pain with that. To this point, it's going okay. I'm in a pretty good amount of pain, but I'd rather deal with that and feel normal than deal with the side effects of the drugs. I am able to eat whatever I want, and I'm trying to eat softer foods for now as I slowly reintroduce stuff to my stomach.

The surgery went really well and all my levels looked great, which is why I surprisingly got to come home so early today. I'm not complaining as I'm much more comfortable at home, it's much quieter here, and while I can't really lay my head back much, I'm hoping all of that means I'll be able to get more than the 3 hours of sleep I got last night in the hospital. Plus I am now wire and tube free, which is fantastic. So many of you prayed for me, and it truly made a difference. God has been so gracious to me through my first surgery/anesthesia experience, and I'm truly grateful for your support.

When they first took me back to get me prepped for surgery, I was sitting on my little bed waiting for my nurse to come back, and I could hear the nurse talking to the lady in the cubicle next to me. That woman was there to have a double mastectomy because she had cancer in one of her breasts. She was a little bit older and they were having to talk kind of loud for her to hear them, so I could hear what they were saying to her, and it was so heartbreaking. It really put things into perspective for me as I sat there waiting for my own surgery. I know it's okay for me to be nervous and that my surgery was a big deal for me, but here was this woman about to go through something I think every woman dreads, and to be able to hear some of the last conversations before she went to the OR was sobering. Her nurse was so sweet to her, and the lady asked the nurse if they did a lot of surgeries like that at the hospital. The nurse said, "Yes, but that doesn't matter. Today is YOUR surgery day, and we're here to take care of you. This day is about you."

One of the things God has been teaching me repeatedly in these last months through school and life is the importance of listening to other people's stories. No matter the similarities between people, each person's story is unique, and it deserves honor and dignity and the chance to be told and heard. People tell us so much if we'll only stop and listen and pay attention. The nurse yesterday reminded me of that as she dealt with a type of woman that she sees come through the operating room often. But no matter how many women have that same surgery, they're each different and they each deserve to be treated with honor and dignity and respect. So it will be with my clients, and so it is with people in general. I don't know this woman's name, but somewhere tonight is a lady who is having to come to terms with losing both of her breasts, dealing with incredible pain from an invasive surgery, facing cancer and upcoming treatment for that, and not knowing if she'll survive. Pray for her if you will.

And continue to pray for me and my roommate, who had surgery this afternoon. These next few days will be tough as we have to fight through the most painful days of healing in this process. Pray that there will be no complications, healing will occur quickly and with as minimal pain as possible and that we will all be able to get some sleep and have fun together in the process. Thank you for sharing this journey with me - I am truly grateful.

On Having Surgery & Other Musings

2011-07-17T15:01:00.004-04:00

On Tuesday of this week, I will be having surgery to have my thyroid removed. In a completely random way, it was discovered that I had a nodule on either side of my thyroid. I have not had any trouble and would never have known that the nodules were there except for a chance exam while it was trying to be determined if I had chronic sinus issues. From the discovery of one of the nodules came an ultrasound, biopsies, and the determination that while it doesn't appear to yet be cancerous, the tissues of the nodules are suspicious and obviously we do not want to leave them there to develop into anything down the road. So I will be having my entire thyroid removed and then will be on medication the rest of my life to provide the necessary hormones.

I'll be honest - I'm getting nervous about all of this. I've never had major surgery and never had anesthesia. I've always been drug sensitive and am afraid I'll have some sort of crazy reaction to the drugs and everything. Obviously I'm praying that will not be the case and that everything will be very routine and as easy as possible, but I'm still not looking forward to any of this. In the midst of the nervousness though is also the assurance that Jesus is with me and that my life is in His hands, whether I'm just living normally or having a surgical procedure done.

I probably think way too much about stuff, but I'm analytical so you'll have to bear with me for a moment. I know the likelihood of me not surviving the surgery or never waking up or having some sort of wacky reaction is very low. But the reality is also that we don't know what will happen. There are no guarantees. Whenever I'm facing something major, I can't help but reevaluate life a bit and realize that for as much as I'd like to think I'm in control, I'm not at all. And that could be scary if I didn't trust that God is in control and has a way bigger plan for my life than I'm probably even aware of. The truth is that He knows the number of my days. If Tuesday were to be my last day on earth, it wouldn't matter if I was in surgery or reading a book in my apartment, that would be it. The other reality is that whenever I have accomplished all that God gave me on this earth to accomplish, I'll be with Him, and I'll be fine. It'll just suck for all of you! :) Seriously, not trying to be maudlin - I'm anticipating everything going just fine, and there are lots of things happening in the coming days that I'm really excited about - but it also helps me to remember who is really in control. In that process, even when dealing with the nervousness, I can be at peace.

I'd appreciate your prayers for me over these next few days. I have to be at the hospital at 6:45am on Tuesday and the surgery is scheduled for 8:45am. It should only take a couple of hours at the most, and then I will most likely be in the hospital for two days while they monitor my levels. There are a few specific things you can pray for: pray that there will be no adverse reactions to the anesthesia or surgery in general. Pray that everything will heal quickly, with as little discomfort as possible. Pray that there will be no damage done to my vocal cords or parathyroid glands. And pray for peace and rest in the next day and a half leading up to the surgery! I'll certainly keep you posted on the healing process...

On a completely different topic, in my last blog I mentioned some of my struggles since returning from Greece. I'm still working through much of that, but things are going well. It's always so funny to me how God uses everything in our lives to teach us what He wants us to learn. Since starting grad school, I've been amazed how often what I'm learning in class is going right along with what I'm doing in my own personal counseling and what is happening in life in general. The same thing continues to happen now. When Nikki and I went to Greece, my mom prayed that the trip would be the start of "relaunching us into society" in all areas of our lives. Let's face it - when you go through traumatic life events, the tendency is to hide and maybe stay on the sidelines a bit as life goes on. But it's time for us to get back in the game in every way, and as hard and scary as that is, it's also very exciting. We are moving to a new place at the end of August and are looking forward to things that are ahead.

In my class that I'm currently in, our professor told us that our clients will work harder to stay in their pathology than they will to change. We all do it - it's easier to stay where you're comfortable and feel safer than it is to put forth the work required for change. However, as a very wise person said, only when we are actively in pain are we willing to change and only in brokenness can strength occur. This will be true of the people who come to see me for counseling, and it is certainly true in my life. I will say that these last 4 1/2 years have been tough, but it's pretty cool to see how God continues to heal and do work, bringing strength from brokenness and a willingness to make some necessary changes out of pain. I'm thankful He loves me that much and I'm looking forward to all that He has in store in the days and weeks to come. I'll continue to keep you updated and appreciate your encouragement, support and prayers over these next few days!

Thoughts On Life

2011-07-02T20:09:00.009-04:00

So today started out as any normal Saturday would - I got up to go to work. At some point around 10:30, Macy's called our store and placed an order to be delivered to their store. We had plenty of people in the store, so I decided to take their food to them. As I was walking back to the Chick, I decided to call my mom and say hello. I don't really know why, but I did. She answered the phone in a very hushed voice and proceeded to tell me that she was in the ER with my dad and he'd had a heart attack and she'd been about to text us all to let us know what was going on.

There are moments in life where time stands still, just for a second, before reality rushes back in. And it's when time stops that things focus and crystallize and sharpen for the briefest of seconds in such a way that it takes your breath away. What matters most to us? Where do we place our trust? When time stops, you have your answer. However, when we're in the midst of the routine and mundane, we so often forget what matters most and live our lives in such a way that no one would ever know what's important to us. More on that in a moment.

For now, I am happy to report that my dad is stable and doing well. My mom found him in the bathroom not feeling well and took him right to the ER, where they were able to get tests run and treatment done immediately. They did the balloon thing and placed a stent in his artery, which cleared the blockage, allowed the blood flow to return to all parts of the heart and the damage done during the heart attack to be reversed. Pa is currently in the ICU for the evening just to be safe, but should be transferred to a normal room tomorrow and leave the hospital on Monday at the latest. He'll be on meds and have some diet and exercise instructions, but he should be fine. I am completely grateful.

When I got off the phone with my mom, I sat on a bench in the middle of the mall and tried not to panic or have a total meltdown. There were a few things I knew for sure - I was 11 hours away from my parents and could do nothing but wait, I had to trust God to take care of my dad and trust that He was in total control, and I didn't want anything to happen to my dad. I've been a daddy's girl my entire life and my dad is one of my most favorite people ever. Even the thought of him not being around made it difficult to stand up and go back to work (and thanks for my work caring enough to send me home on a busy Saturday so I could concentrate on my family!). For those of you who know my dad, you know what a fantastic man he is and how much he brightens the lives of those around him. I can't express my thankfulness that his time with us isn't done yet.

I would like to take a moment and say thank you to all of you who have responded so kindly to me and my family today, offering your support and prayers. It means a lot to know that there are so many who care and that we're not alone walking through the stuff of life. And it is on that note that I want to focus the rest of this blog. I am completely exhausted and not really filtering my words, so keep reading at your own risk as I seek to process some of the thoughts that have been rolling around in my head.

I have been home from Greece for a week-and-a-half. I had an incredible time there and truly loved all of the adventures and experiences that I got to have. That's a post for another day (but I have included a few pictures to help break up all the words!), but what I want to talk about now is how difficult it has been to come back from Greece and deal with reentry. I never in a million years thought I would have as much trouble adjusting back to US culture as I have, but it's been really tough for me. I know that when you go on vacation or are away from home, you're not necessarily living a normal life of working and such, but the culture in Greece is different than here. Life is simpler and there is more of a focus on connectedness and community. Even meals are eaten that way - you get several dishes and pass them around the table and everyone shares. And I loved it. Getting outside of what is comfortable and known and slowing down and just enjoying spending time with some awesome people gave me a bit of clarity on what I have been missing out on here.

How often in our normal days do we pause and truly connect with others? Or are we so busy rushing through what has to get done that we don't have time for that? Is it normal to pray for other people? We tell people we'll pray for them, but do we really? Do we call someone to check on them or take a moment to offer an encouraging word, just because? How often do we gather together and just enjoy hanging out, with no real agenda? How often do we ask for help in a time of need without feeling guilty for putting someone else out? Do we even ask for help or admit we're struggling or do we just take care of things ourselves? I am afraid that the culture we have grown accustomed to here has gotten in the way of real life. In America, our culture applauds individuality and independence and climbing the ladder and moving forward. And not that those things are bad in and of themselves, but when we miss true life - the abundant life God has made us for, especially on a relational level - we're missing the point.

I understand that we do live in America and we have to work to live and all that jazz. But just ponder this for at least a moment....is our lifestyle and culture worth it if we are missing out on deep relationships and community and knowing others and being known? Is driving whatever car worth it if you don't know your neighbor? I don't claim to have all the answers or even know how I'm going to go about resolving this in my own life. But I do know this....I tasted community and connectedness and simplicity in Greece, and it was awesome. I felt like the time I spent there was closer to how I was created to be and I was reminded of the importance of sharing life with others. Is my life insane and crazy busy as I try to work full-time and go to school full-time? Yes. Am I determined to figure out how to live my life more connected and in more community with others even in the midst of that? Yes. Not sure what it will look like yet, but I'll get back to you!

Today crystallized all of these ponderings for me. When time stopped for a moment, I knew two things: Jesus was with me, and I had people I could call. I know we can't live our whole lives in the heightened awareness that comes when time stands still, but I do know this: I don't want to miss the best of what God has made me for because I'm so busy with "life" that I have no time for life.

If you've made it this far, thanks for reading my musing rant. I'm sure there will be more processing to come as I continue to wrestle with all that comes from adjusting back to life here. Feel free to leave your own thoughts in the comments. Thanks again for praying for my family during this time - I will keep you posted! Happy 4th of July!

Andros and a Nunnery

2011-06-16T14:51:00.012-04:00

Greetings from Greece! It's been a crazy couple of days, but I wanted to share a few pictures with you of some things we have gotten to do the last few days. There are so many beautiful sights here, and we are having so much fun! A couple of days ago we got to go to the island of Andros. It was a lot of fun! We went into the city and walked around some cool shops. Nikki and I also had an adventure. There was an old lighthouse that was really pretty but to get to it, you had to climb an old stone bridge. We had some help, and the views were worth it.

After lunch, we got to go to a beach and swim and snorkel in the Aegean Sea. The water was FREEZING cold, but getting to say I was in the Aegean Sea made it worth it. In order to get warm, we had some fun taking pictures. Here are two of my friends jumping around!

We were at the Batsi Beach and were leaving at sunset. These next two pictures I took at dusk and it give you a good idea of how beautiful the area was.

Today we went into Athens to go shopping. For those of you who have asked, the protests in Athens have affected us indirectly. The Greeks keep going on strike, and they have days where they strike different things. Yesterday there was a transportation strike, so we couldn't get into the city on the bus system because they weren't running. Typically, Greeks do not strike two days in a row, so today we got to go into Athens. We have heard rumors that there is going to be an electricity strike on Monday, so that could be interesting. It shouldn't affect us leaving on Wednesday and the protests are not causing problems for us directly. It just causes us to sometimes have to come up with creative solutions to get around depending on what they do.

After shopping this morning, we had lunch at a delicious restaurant in downtown Athens and then came back to the Bible college for a little while before going to visit a nunnery. Everyone in Greece is Greek Orthodox, so seeing an active and working nunnery was interesting. It was beautiful, and I was able to get some good pictures before we got yelled at for doing so. Here is a sample for you!

Inside of the church, there are icons that surround the entire thing that tell the story of the Bible in pictures. It ends at the top of the ceiling with Jesus in heaven. Here is a picture of that.

Finally, here is a picture of a pretty area that was outside and of me and Nikki in our long dresses.

Tomorrow we are going to Corinth, and I am SOOO excited!! We get to see lots of historical stuff and swim in the Ionian Sea. Pictures and updates to come soon on our continuing adventures. Class is finished, so everything that is left is getting to sightsee, which will be very cool. We are having a blast, and I am so thankful that I am getting to share this trip with Nikki and some of the most awesome people! Happy Thursday! :)

The Acropolis

2011-06-12T14:45:00.012-04:00

Today we went into Athens and got to walk around the city and eat a delicious authentic Greek meal for lunch. The food was AMAZING. They have this fried cheese stuff that you squeeze a lemon over and eat. Oh my goodness. I'll try to find out how to spell all of the delicious things we have gotten to eat so I can fill you in, but fried cheese works for now. We were supposed to go right from lunch to the Acropolis, but the weather in Greece had other ideas. Right before we were to start the walk up, it started POURING rain. We thankfully were right by a big overhang, so we got there with minimal rain damage and ended up spending the next two hours there waiting out the rain. There was crazy lightening and thunder and lots of rain, all of which is supposedly very out of character for Greece at this time of year. We must have brought the typical Florida weather with us. The weather finally cleared up, and we got to go to the Acropolis and see the Parthenon and Mars Hill, and it was incredible. Pictures simply cannot do it justice, but here is a very futile attempt to try. I only chose a few of the many I took because I must get some sleep, but enjoy these views of ancient history!

This is the Acropolis, and this picture was taken while I was standing on Mars Hill. Mars Hill is the spot Paul stood when he preached to the Greeks. Due to the architecture and such, when one is standing on Mars Hill, you can hear what is said on the Acropolis and down in the market place as well. Many debates took place there.

Speaking of Mars Hill, it is the rock behind me in this picture, taken while I was standing on the Acropolis.

This is what the ceiling looked like in the original Acropolis.

Here is a picture of me with my two professors who are on this trip.

This is a picture of the Parthenon.

These next two pictures show the cool sky that was present because the weather was still kind of iffy and it rained off and on.

Finally, a picture of me and the Roommate. We are having a great time getting to share this together!

Tomorrow, we are going to Andros Island and spending the whole day there. This is where we will get to see the white washed houses with blue roofs and I can't wait! More pictures and adventures to come soon!

Greek Greetings!

2011-06-11T14:27:00.008-04:00

Hello to all of my fabulous friends and family who are nice enough to read this blog! This has been a very long day, and I feel a little delirious, so pardon any madness that may appear in this entry. :) Also, my fizzilicious professor is sitting next to me while I am typing this blog so who knows how distracted I will be. We are also watching Mamma Mia - it could be bad!!

Anyway, last night we went to a little Irish pub up the road, and it was so cute and quaint. The walk there was beautiful. It's so peaceful and quiet here, and the scenery is gorgeous. For some reason I never imagined that Greece would be as mountainous as it is. I figured the islands would be with the white buildings and blue roofs, but Athens has some mountains too. Here are a few pictures to show some of the scenery.

And here are some pictures from the pub last night. It was a beautiful little retreat kind of in the middle of nowhere.

I think we are going to go back there for dinner one night next week. I'll try to take more pictures then. Be sure and check out Nikki's blog from today because she is putting up lots of pictures of where she has gotten to spend the last 2 days. With being in class, I haven't had the chance to do much or take many pictures. But tomorrow we are going into Athens for the day, and I can't wait! Then Monday we will be on Andros Island all day, so many pictures and stories will be coming your way soon. Until then, I am going to go finish singing along to all the songs in Mamma Mia and then go to sleep. Have a great day!

Identifying The Smell

2011-06-10T16:25:00.002-04:00

Hi everyone! I've had a really busy day today and haven't had time to download pictures to share. I still have some work to do and must go to bed as soon as possible, so this is going to be a short and sweet update today. I'll try to get more posted tomorrow after class. I just wanted to share my one deep thought for today. In a previous post, I mentioned that you can't flush the toilet paper here. I have been trying to figure out what our dorms and the bathrooms smell like for a couple of days, and it has finally occurred to me what the answer is.... Everything smells like a pet store. It's fantastic. :) I'm sure it won't take long for me to get home and start taking for granted being able to flush toilet paper, but those first few flushes are going to be amazing.

Tomorrow is my last day of class for a couple of days and then we are doing a lot of traveling on Sunday and Monday. We are going into Athens on Sunday and will see the Acropolis and other amazing sites and then we are going to Andros Island on Monday. We'll have our last classes on Tuesday and Wednesday and then the rest of the trip will be spent traveling and sightseeing. I'm looking forward to that and there will be many more pictures for me to share with you! So until the next time, this tired girl is wishing you a very good day!

Inappropriate Laughing Due to No Sleep

2011-06-09T15:25:00.007-04:00

So.... apparently the effects of jet lag hit worse on the second day. I did not sleep hardly at all last night. Most of my classmates didn't either, so we were all kind of in a fog today. I'm hoping and praying that I will be able to get a good night's sleep tonight, which I will be attempting to do as soon as I finish this blog. The lack of sleep is your warning that when you are exceptionally tired, you might just happen to take a few inappropriate pictures. Welcome to Greece!

Hahahaha....I am amused. ANYWAY, on to other topics. I had class today and tried to get some work done. We have a lot of projects and such to do, plus a lot of journaling everyday, so I'm staying busy. I also found out that one of my closest friends from college passed away early this morning from his battle with cancer. Please keep my friend Emmett's wife Wendy and their 3 year old son Quinn in your prayers as Wendy and Quinn navigate this tough road.

Tonight after dinner, we walked about 2 1/2 miles to a place called Alma's to get ice cream. The ice cream was delicious, but the walk home got a little precarious as we tried to cross the street and not die. Greek drivers don't stop for people, so you can't get in the road and assume they will stop. They will run you over. Thankfully we all made it safely home! Here are a few pictures from tonight and last night of fun times with friends.

Anyway, I must go try to get some rest, but that was my day in Greece. Hope everything is going well wherever you are, and I'll post new updates soon!

Greece Day 1

2011-06-08T11:14:00.014-04:00

Did you know that when you are in Greece and go to the Google homepage, everything is written in Greek?? Kind of cool.... Anyway, greetings to you all from Greece! We have finished our first day of class and will be eating dinner in about 45 minutes at 7pm. I am quite tired but feel like I'm getting close to being adjusted to the time difference. I think tomorrow will be much better. Even though getting a decent amount of sleep last night helped, my body is still getting used to that it's evening time here and still in the morning at home. Being outside helps because when you are in light, your body thinks it should be awake, and eating meals regularly helps too. I have actually adjusted a lot faster than I thought, so that is good, but it was tough to sit in a class all day. This class is going to be awesome though. I'm sure I'll have much to process about it as the days go by, but for now suffice it to say that we don't think about a lot in our culture or why we do what we do until we're challenged about it. More to come on that topic later.

For now, here is a little tour of where we are staying. We are at the Greek Bible College here, living in dorms. Here are a couple of pictures of the buildings and our room. This is the entrance to our dorm. Honeysuckle lines both sides of it, which makes the air smell quite delicious!

Walter the bear made the trip with me. He has been on every trip I've gone on since I was a freshman in high school. He is enjoying his first international experience!!

One thing about Greece I do not love so far is that you can't flush toilet paper down the toilets. I've never thought about that as I use a bathroom in the US, and it's weird to realize some of the things we take for granted. It's not that big of a deal, but for some reason, this totally grosses me out! I just think it's nasty, especially when you consider what sometimes occurs when one is on the toilet. :) This picture shows you our bathroom, and all toilet paper goes in the trashcan. Yes, we change the trash at least once a day.

It's really pretty here, and there is NO humidity, which is a very refreshing change from Florida. We eat all of our meals outside at little tables like the one below or picnic tables. The well picture is there just because I thought it was pretty.

Here are some of us earlier today...

More cute pictures....

So there you have it! Tonight we are having dinner and then going to a cute little place right down the street called Coffee, Tea, and Sympathy. Then I also have to write in my journal and read some for class. Tomorrow we have class again all day, with a few fun things mixed in. These first four days are pretty much just class and then we'll start having many adventures. I am loving being here with Nikki and I think this trip is going to be amazing. Those who are guests get to hang out and do other things while we are in class, so if you want to check out Nikki's blog, (just click on her name in this sentence) you can see her pictures and things that I am not getting to do.

Hope you all have a great day, and I'll be in touch soon!

In Greece!

2011-06-07T13:11:00.002-04:00

Hi everyone! We have made it safely to Greece, and I am typing this blog from the lounge in our dorm. My computer hasn't switched over to this time zone, so as I write this, it is 1:11pm your time. Here it's 8:11pm, and my poor body is trying to figure it all out. We have been up for about 36 hours and are under strict orders to not go to bed until at least 9 to try to get used to the change. Nikki and I are counting down the minutes until we can crash, so if this blog doesn't make much sense, you can blame it on the total lack of sleep.

I have no pictures to share with you right now, but I'll get some taken tomorrow. We left Monday morning (I think that was yesterday) at 8:30am and drove in a bus down to Miami. Then we took an 8 hour flight from Miami to Paris. I got my very first stamp in my passport in Paris!! That was very cool. The plane food was actually pretty good, and we watched the Justin Bieber movie while we flew across the ocean. It helped kill a couple of hours and was actually kind of interesting. :)

I don't have much brain power left to share anything of significance at this time, but I wanted you to know that we were here safely. I think it's going to be an amazing trip, and I can't wait to experience the adventures! For now, I have learned that it's weird to not know the native language of the country you are in, eruo money looks cool, there is an Ikea when you land at the Greece airport, there are some quite pretty men in France and Greece, and they eat lots of yummy food. Hopefully there will be more substantial learnings to share once I get some rest. I'm off to attempt that now. Talk to you soon!

Goin' To Greece!

2011-06-05T10:44:00.005-04:00

Well, months after first hearing about this trip to Greece and making the decision to go, the time is finally upon us! Nikki and I leave in the morning to go to Greece, and we are SOOOO EXCITED!!!! We will be arriving at school at 8 in the morning, where we will get on a charter bus and drive to Miami. We will fly from Miami to Paris and Paris to Athens, arriving at our destination sometime on Tuesday evening their time (we'll be 7 hours ahead of all of you). Mixed in this trip is of course a class I will be taking, but there will be plenty of time for sightseeing, adventures, hanging out with friends, and taking lots of pictures. Picture taking is actually one of the things I am most excited about. I can't wait to pull my camera back out and take some amazing (hopefully!) pictures of a beautiful area of the world. And yes, I'll share as many as I can. It is my plan that I will be able to update my blog on a hopefully daily basis with pictures and stories of what is happening in Greece so you can all follow along on our adventure. Since I'll be traveling all day tomorrow and part of Tuesday, this entry will have to hold you over until I have access to the Internet again. :)

To start my journal of pictures, I have a couple to share with you. Before I share them, however, I have a story to tell you. Nikki and I have known each other for 8 years now. In the early years of our friendship, we used to talk about how we wished we'd known each other earlier in life so we could have been roommates. We had so much fun being friends, we figured it would have been really fun to live together. We also had grand plans of traveling together - going as couples to backpack across Europe (something we all wanted to do) or doing stuff as families someday. Obviously our stories didn't evolve how we wanted them to. But God has shown us such great love and mercy in the gifts He has given us instead. We are about to start our 3rd year of being roommates. (Yes, it has been as fun as we imagined it might be!) And tomorrow, we will be going overseas and taking a trip together. It might not look exactly like we thought it would, but God is still at work redeeming our stories and allowing dreams to come true. And we are grateful.

With that said, here are two pictures of Nikki and me from four years ago, right before I moved to Boston.

At the time, we had no idea what God had in store for either of us - we were just trying to survive. Now four years later, we are living proof that God really does bring beauty out of ashes. Steven Curtis Chapman has a song that is called "All Things New". Below are part of the lyrics...

"Then the world was broken, fallen and battered and scarred
You took the hopeless, the life, wasted, ruined and marred
And made it new

You make all things new
You make all things new
You redeem and You transform
You renew and You restore
You make all things new
You make all things new
And forever we will watch and worship You

You turn winter into spring
You take every living thing
And You breathe Your breath of life into it over and over again.."

I am thankful that God is continually at work, redeeming and transforming and making all things new. I invite you to join us on this journey as God keeps breathing life into us in new ways over these next 16 days. Thank you in advance for your prayers for traveling mercies, safety, and an amazing time with old friends and new! God willing, my next entry will come to you from Greece!!

Catching Up, Reflections and Randomness

2011-05-15T17:26:00.006-04:00

So as a blog writer, I am totally fired. It's been a month-and-a-half since my last blog. Since I began this blog 4 years ago, I do believe this is the longest break between entries that I have ever had. It comes with good reason, as I have just been trying to survive an intense period of time of work and school, but still. I shall try to do a bit of catch up now and for the two of you who might still read this, have no fear - many more blogs are coming in the very near future! Why? Well, 3 weeks from tomorrow, I am leaving for Greece!!!

I am soooo excited to go, and even though I will be taking a class while there, we will be doing a ton of sightseeing, and I know the entire experience is going to be incredible. I can't wait to share pictures and stories and adventures with you, so be on the lookout for those posts beginning in June (the trip is June 6-22). I'm also thrilled because Nikki is going with me, and I know that the trip will be so awesome to be able to share it with her and other close friends from school.

School is going very well, although I must admit that it is exhausting. I took an extra class during the spring semester, which meant that for the last seven weeks of the semester, I was taking 3 classes at once. I was working at least 35 hours a week, in class 3 nights a week, and trying to get all of my homework/tests/projects/papers done during the times I was off. This should explain my absence from my blog! I survived, but barely. I am still trying to recover in a lot of ways. The only problem with attempting to recover is that 3 days after spring semester ended, I started my first summer class. It's my psychopathology class, which covers all of the disorders and is the hardest class I've had to this point. I love it, find it fascinating, but the entire class is taking place in five weeks, which puts a bit of a strain on getting things done in time. A few days after this class ends, I leave for Greece, and then I start my next summer class a few days after returning home. A little nutty, but I'm attempting to balance truly not having much time for breaks if I want to get everything done to taking needed breaks. This is why I am now blogging and may take the rest of the day off from schoolwork, even though I should spend the next 5 hours reading and/or writing. :)

Along with the school and work side of life, in recent days, my parents have also accepted a job for my dad in Nashville and will be moving in a few weeks, and I am having to decide whether or not to have surgery to remove my "containing nodules with suspicious cells" thyroid when I return from Greece. More details to come on all of that at some point, but for now, let me just say that I would appreciate your prayers for wisdom and balance and strength and bravery in pretty much all areas of life right now. I know I'm right where I am supposed to be, but it's also not easy. I'm in the process of learning how to extend grace to myself and appreciate what does get done, instead of fretting about what may or may not be.

For a random picture, and an attempt to break up a post with lots of words, here is a cute picture of my cat:

This was her sleeping on her pillow one morning. Thankfully she is very cute and usually makes me smile. :)

Finally, in a bit of reflection....I honestly don't notice dates much anymore, simply due to passage of time and healing and the fact that life does go on. However, I noticed what date it was today and had a kind of "oh yeah" moment. Otherwise it really would have passed me by as just another day. On May 15th four years ago, my divorce was finalized. I can't believe it's been that long. I can't believe what has happened in my life in the four years since. This blog is an amazing tale of adventures and the faithfulness of God as He has walked with me through this time. I am truly grateful for every moment.

I just finished a paper for my class that I had to write on my own pathology - what the issues are that I have battled and still struggle with and how they came to be. An exceptionally depressing paper to write if you look at it apart from Christ, but with hope...well, it changes everything. I'll share my conclusion of my paper here to end this blog because it sums up well these last four years. Thank you for walking this journey with me, for your support, love and encouragement and for praying for me. Many more entries to come soon, so stick around! :) And now for the conclusion...(the book quoted is "To Be Told" by Dan Allender)

In some ways, looking back over family history and examining your story in more detail can be a painful experience. It brings you face to face with the depth of the depravity of man. If I look simply at the sin, patterns, habits and defense mechanisms that have followed my family down through generations, it makes me sad to see how the choices we all make affect ourselves and those who come after us in ways we are unaware of and certainly do not intend. Thankfully, the story does not stop there. There is an answer that gives hope and allows for healing, and it is found in the person of Jesus Christ. Because of Him, it allows for this description of life to be true in our story: "It is about how we came to be who we are (Creation), how we lost ourselves (the Fall), what it means to discover the name God has written for us (redemption), and how the ending of our story reflects the great consummation of God’s story (His coming). Our plot is an encounter with the heartache and dreams and desires related to our personal tragedies – the events of our life that occur between fall and redemption and, ultimately, glorification” (Allender, 2005, p. 15). Thanks be to God that this paper and the contents within it are not the end. Even in my own journey and the journey of my family, God is at work healing and restoring and redeeming. As difficult as the hard times have been to walk through, and as difficult as some days still are and will be in future times of adversity, I am thankful God loved me enough to introduce me to myself and let me come face to face with the things that keep me the farthest from Him. In that introduction, He is walking with me through the healing process, and I am confident that the One who started this work in me will carry it out to its completion when all things will be made new.

Tidbits

2011-03-27T20:51:00.005-04:00

Greetings to the few of you who still check my blog for updates! I figure since March is almost over I should probably check in and let you know what's happening. I truly don't have much time to post blog updates, but sometimes you have to make time to share the things that are going on. So this post will be a random collection of tidbits of the recent happenings in the life of me.

To begin with, school is awesome! I love it and am really enjoying my classes. However, I have added an extra class for the last half of this semester, and it has made life quite interesting. I now have class 3 nights a week instead of just 2, and adding that extra night really does make a big difference. I am taking a Play Therapy class though that I absolutely love, and since that is the extra class, it makes the additional stress somewhat okay. :) I'll try to write a separate post soon about what Play Therapy is and how I hope to incorporate it with my clients someday, but suffice it to say that I'm super excited and am enjoying learning about something that I feel like I was made to do!

Work is going well. We are beginning to pick up with spring breakers and as we get closer to summer, we will get busier and busier. I got to be the baby cow on Saturday at the store and had a blast! I danced around, gave people high fives, gave kids little mini-cows and even blew some kisses. It was a fun time. Here I am as the cow:

My dear friend Jenn had baby number 2 on Friday, and I finally got to go visit her at the hospital today. As I was holding baby Mia, I couldn't help but marvel at the creation and design God has in place for new life. I don't see how it's possible to watch a baby grow in someone for 9 months and then hold the new creation and not believe in God. The way He creates is amazing and getting to hold a brand new life is one of the greatest privileges!

Prior to going to the hospital, I met my friends Liz & Tony, who are in town for the weekend, and we got to go see a Braves spring training game. It was sooooo hot (hence my wilted appearance when holding Mia - what happens after you spend 3 hours sweating!), but it was so much fun! It was great to see them and catch up some, and of course I always love watching some baseball. Liz and I bonded many years ago over our mutual love for sports, and even though it's nice to visit and catch up, I must confess I love going to games with people who love the game as much as me and like watching it! :) This was the 3rd game I've been to this spring and the first one the Braves lost, so I'm blaming Liz for that one. :) The regular season finally starts Thursday night - I can't wait! Although I won't have much time to watch any games, there is just something more right with the world when baseball season is going on.

Today is my baby brother Michael's 29th birthday! Happy birthday brother! I can't believe that next year we will all be in our 30's. I hope that this next year brings him many blessings and fun adventures.

In other random news, my dad was informed on Thursday that his job was being eliminated. That came as quite a shock, as he was just coming up on his first anniversary with this company. My parents don't know what they will be doing next, as there are many factors to continue. Please pray that my dad will find something soon that will provide for them and that will be a good fit for him and for the family circumstances that have to be considered. There is certainly never a dull moment in life, is there? If nothing else, this job allowed my parents to be back in GA for some significant family events that took place this past year, including my grandmother's surgery, so I know they are thankful they have been there. I also know they would like to stay there, but they are trusting God to direct this next step. I will certainly keep you posted.

I think that is all of my tidbits for now. I have a few things to finish up for school before I can sleep, so I shall go for now. I'll try to be better about posting but make no promises until this semester is over! :) Just know this - a lack of posts means insanity in life, and so prayers are always appreciated as I continue on this journey that God has allowed me to travel. There is definitely a sense of balance that I am trying to maintain with work, school, homework, an occasional moment of downtime and some occasional sleep. While this is just for a season, I also want to enjoy this season for what it is and not miss what God is doing everyday around me. So prayers are certainly appreciated, and I'll do my best to keep you updated when I can! Hope you have a great week!

Dreams

2011-03-07T18:17:00.002-05:00

When I was a little girl, I remember having 2 dreams for most of my life as I grew up. I wanted to be a teacher, and I wanted to be a wife and a mommy. Well, I actually pursued the teacher track for awhile and found it wasn't for me, so I'm okay for that dream to not have come true. And as for the other dream....it has sometimes seemed nightmarish over the last five years and sometimes it still feels like a dream that could come true.

It's interesting how as we live life and get a little older and go through more experiences - good and bad - it seems easier to just stop dreaming. Or to at least pretend our dreams don't matter that much. That way if they don't come true, we won't be as disappointed. And I do believe there is a fine line to walk with being okay with exactly where God has you, whether or not your dreams come true for your life, and not being afraid to dream. For example, if I am single for the rest of my life, if I never get to be a mom or a wife again, I will be okay. I will live a full life, I will make a difference, and my life will matter. But the dream of my heart still exists.

As much as I go through stages where I think I could never do it again - I could never risk again - something inevitably happens that leads me back to awareness of what my heart is really saying. This past weekend was Nikki's birthday, and we spent Sunday at the Magic Kingdom celebrating. While we were waiting to get on our boat at the Pirates of the Caribbean ride, there was a lengthy delay. We, along with the rest of the line, watched as 3 people tried to get an older lady loaded into the ride. She was completely paralyzed from at least the waist down and it was like taking a limp doll and trying to get her situated in the seat. Once they got her down, her husband sat down next to her, wrapped his arm around her shoulder, and adjusted her hat. I could just imagine him giving her a hard time about how cute she looked with her hat crooked, just to ease the embarrassment of the moment. All of us had tears in our eyes as we watched a visual representation of true love play out before us.

Then today at the mall, I was passing out fliers at the stores. I went into a children's store, and they had their Easter displays out. I have always loved the color lavender and if I were having a little girl would want to paint a nursery lavender instead of pink. They had the most adorable dresses that were lavender and white and lavender and other colors. It hit me like a ton of bricks - the desire that one day I might have a little girl I could put a dress on and have a lavender nursery.

I don't know what God has planned for me, and I know I truly will be okay with whatever He has planned. But the events of the past two days have reminded me that no matter how much the thought of marriage again someday scares me or taking a risk is terrifying, the dreams are still there. And after all this, the fact that the dreams are still there and I do still have hope....well, that is a miracle to me!

So I just wanted to share what I am pondering with all of you. Perhaps you could ponder it too. What are the deepest dreams of your heart? What are you afraid of? Jesus will meet you there, wherever it is. And He will love you enough to not let you stay in your fears and to fan the flames of your dreams so that His even bigger dreams for you can become a reality. I know this from experience! :)

Spring Is Coming

2011-02-23T18:58:00.004-05:00

Hi everyone! It's been awhile since I've blogged, but there are a few things to share, so here goes.... First of all, I am feeling MUCH better now! I've been back to work and school for a week now and am completely over the flu/stomach thing I had going on. I am so thankful to be able to eat food again and to feel hungry, and I am enjoying being able to eat ice cream again. :) I did find out that my sinus cavity is still infected, so the antibiotic to try to clear up the infection did not work. I will be seeing an ENT to see what the next step is, but at this point it is expected that they will want me to have surgery to clean out the infection. Not sure if/when that will happen, but we'll see!

In other news, spring has sprung here in Florida! We have blooms everywhere, and it's so beautiful. I love spring. It's a little different here because it's green pretty much all year and it seems like something is always in bloom, but there is still that bursting to life of flowers and trees, and I love it. I love that God gives us spring to remind us that new life always springs forth from death and that sometimes when we least expect it, we will bloom again. I was going to try to take some pictures today when I got home, but my camera battery was dead, so you'll have to be okay with pictures from my phone. Here are a few examples of what I'm getting to see right now...

Another way that I know spring is arriving is because SPRING TRAINING HAS BEGUN!!!!! Hooray for baseball season not being too far away! And yes, I will be going to a few spring training games. What's the fun of living in the same place where the Braves train if you don't take in a few games? Don't worry, I'll take lots of pictures! :)

This blog could not be complete without a quick picture of my fabulous cat. I've mentioned before on my blog that my cat has her own pillow on my bed that she sleeps on. Think what you will, but it's better that than her trying to curl around my head and sleep on mine while she snacks on my hair. This is a much better solution for us all! Plus, she's so adorable....how can you not smile if you wake up to this?? :)

I will try to post again soon and fill you in on school and what's happening there. For now, I must go get some homework done, eat my yummy dinner of sweet potatoes, squash casserole and chicken tenders cooked in hawaiian marinade, and hopefully sleep some before a very long day tomorrow. Hope each of you is doing well, and as the earth begins to come to life wherever you are, you are reminded of God's faithfulness and how much He loves us!

Sickness Update

2011-02-12T14:46:00.003-05:00

I ate 6 chicken nuggets and a few french fries for lunch today. Before this past week, that would not have been a monumental event. Now it is! I have been so ridiculously sick, and I thought writing a quick blog update would be the best way to keep everyone informed.

I got sick last Thursday, with a confirmed positive test for Influenza A. That was bad enough by itself. Prior to getting sick, however, I had been on an antibiotic for a month to try to clear up my impacted sinus cavity. I have always been very drug sensitive, and combining finishing a month long antibiotic, getting the flu, and coughing without stopping for four straight days became the perfect storm for my stomach to rebel. Beginning on the evening of my birthday, I got so nauseous, I could not eat or drink hardly anything. That lasted until Wednesday, when I went back to the doctor for help. I was pretty dehydrated by that point and was a little afraid they were going to put me in the hospital, but they let me try to rehydrate myself. I was given anti-nausea medication that took care of the nausea enough that I could begin to drink and eat again. I am still taking that once a day to keep the nausea at bay and to allow myself to be able to keep eating and drinking.

So what's going on? Essentially, it is believed that being on the antibiotic for a month destroyed my stomach, killing the good bacteria. There is concern that I have a bacteria in my intestines that takes over when the good bacteria goes away. So I have had lab tests run and should get those results back on Monday. If that is what is going on, it's an easy fix of taking medicine to get rid of that. I should feel better very quickly after that happens. But for now I have to wait until Monday to find out, so I'm just taking it easy and trying to continue eating and drinking. I am still quite weak and don't have a lot of energy, but I am hanging in there. I have missed work for over a week now and missed classes this past week, so that's pretty stressful, but it could not be helped. I'm hoping I'll get some answers Monday and feel better fast and be able to jump back into the swing of things next week.

My mom came back down yesterday to be with me since Nikki is back at work. It's helpful to have someone here because I haven't been able to drive myself anywhere. She will be here for a few days to take care of me until I'm back on my feet, and I'm grateful to have her around!

I'll keep you posted on what I find out, but continued prayers are appreciated. This has been a really tough week, and it's helped remind me how much we take for granted. We don't think about eating or drinking - we just do it. But when you can't or you feel sick all the time, you realize what a blessing it is to eat and to feel hungry and to have no trouble digesting food. I am looking forward to enjoying my food with more thanksgiving as I am able to eat more and more in the coming days. I can't wait to have some ice cream! :) More to come soon...

It Is What It Is...

2011-01-25T21:29:00.003-05:00

Sometimes after class I feel the need to process something that was discussed because it affects me in a profound way or it irritates me or pricks my heart and I know I need to think more about it. A lot of the processing happens with classmates, the roommate, my mom or in counseling, but sometimes I like to share my processing with all of you. So here's a random tidbit of learning for you to think about as well....

Tonight in class my professor was talking about counseling and how that oftentimes, things do not go as planned. Maybe we had something in mind prior to the session that we wanted to do and the client refuses or doesn't really cooperate. Maybe we thought they'd go one direction and they go in the opposite direction instead. Maybe we have no idea what to say or do in that moment. He said some of the best advice he could give us is this: It is what it is....and God is in control. It is what it is - that moment is the reality you are dealing with, so be in that moment and go from there. Even though it's simple, I found that to be very profound. How often do we wish away a moment or wish that our reality was different than it is? But perhaps all God is asking of us is to be present in that moment...to experience all that He has for us, even if it means experiencing the pain or heartache that we desperately want to escape from. Or to be fully present in unimaginable joy, relishing the moment without looking forward and missing it. I don't necessarily have any answers or anything, but this is how I process. So let's process together! What would it be like to approach life with that mindset? It is what it is....and God is in control.

Remembering

2011-01-12T18:43:00.004-05:00

This time of year is a cause for remembrance for a lot of people. It's a new year, a chance to reflect back on the year that has just been completed, to take stock and evaluate. It's a time to look forward at an entire year stretching out before you like a blank canvas, waiting to be filled in. It's a time to dream, to create resolutions, to wonder, to celebrate.... And for me, this time of year is a time of remembrance for a little bit of a different reason.

January 14, 2006 was my wedding day. Five years ago this Friday to be exact - well, the wedding was on a Saturday, but you know what I mean! And on this Friday, I won't be celebrating my five year anniversary. Instead, I've been divorced for almost four. There are times when that still makes me stop and shake my head. I wonder if I dreamed that part of my life or if any of it was actually real. So much time has gone by now that January 14th is really just another date. I mean, I think I'll always know what it meant when that day pops up on the calendar, but I really am okay. However, there's just something weird about the five year mark.

Five years is a long time. I think about all I would have been celebrating five years into a marriage. I'm one of those people that thinks it's cool to celebrate five years and ten years and such. Not that you don't celebrate the other years, but I love the "marker" years - the ones that make the year seem even more special, be it a birthday or an anniversary. I think I would have had fun with my fifth anniversary. I might also be celebrating the life of a child - or perhaps more than one child. Who knows. And while I can't help but wonder what life would have looked like, the truth is that it looks very different than how I would have imagined it. If I had written my story, I would not have included this script. But you know what? I wouldn't change a thing.

Don't get me wrong - divorce sucks and I wouldn't wish this experience on anyone. But I am who I am today because of the journey of the last five years. I would not be where I am in life, doing the things I am doing, having had some of the experiences I've had, without this story. I wouldn't be able to be in a counseling program, learning how to walk with other people through their valleys without experiencing my own.

When I walked down the aisle that day five years ago, I was walking toward my groom. But I was also walking to Jesus, saying yes to Him, and pledging to follow Him with my life. The groom might have walked away, but Jesus hasn't. So on this five year mark, I celebrate in new ways. I celebrate life and healing, hope and expectation. I celebrate salvation and redemption and joy. I praise God for loving me enough and caring about me enough to continue His refining of me - even when it's painful and annoying at times. :) And at this time of year, I choose to remember God's faithfulness to me.

Three years ago, I wrote a blog post on what was the first January 14th after my divorce. You can read that entry here if you'd like - it's a pretty good summation of that time in my life. At the end of that entry, I quoted part of a David Crowder song that says this: "After night comes the light, dawn is here.... It's a new day, everything will change, things will never be the same, we will never be the same..." Those words were true then, they're true now, and I think they'll be even truer five years from now. God is faithful to His promises. After night comes the light. He redeems and He restores, and we are never the same.

So happy day of remembrance to me! And a sincere thank you to all of you who have shared the journey with me in some capacity in these five years. I could have never done it alone. Much love, and may God continue to refine as we walk through 2011 together.

Sinus Issues

2011-01-08T18:36:00.004-05:00

Greetings and happy Saturday to you all! I have a prayer request to share with you this evening that is somewhat random but important all the same. This is a post that includes a medical discussion about snot, so don't continue reading if that will gross you out. :) I went to the doctor this past week because I had a place on my throat that had been there for about 4 months and I wanted to make sure everything was okay. My throat was fine, which is good, but in the process of looking at that, my doctor told me that he was concerned that I was having constant nasal drip based on the appearance of my throat. Long story short, he took an x-ray of my sinuses and it turns out that one of my front sinus cavities is almost completely blocked with infection and has been for some time. I had no idea this was the case, but it does explain constant drainage and waking up every day with a sore throat.

I have been put on an antibiotic for a month because apparently no ENT will do anything with your sinuses unless you have first tried the antibiotic. At the end of the month of drugs, I will have a CT scan done of my sinus cavity. If it comes back clear, hurray for me - the antibiotics worked! If it does not, the only solution is to have sinus surgery where they will scrape out my sinus to remove the infection. Sounds pleasant, yes? Anyway, he said antibiotics only work on 2 out of 10 people. Here is where the prayer request comes in. Please pray that I will be one of the 2! :) I already barely have time to sleep with work and school and I'd rather not try to fit a surgery in there too.

I've been on the antibiotic for three days now, and for the past 2 days, I have been extremely nauseous as my body was adjusting to the medicine (I love being so drug sensitive..). Today I have not felt well. Either in a total coincidence I am fighting a cold OR the medicine is actually working and my sinus is beginning to drain. Regardless, I have lots o' drainage down my throat, my throat hurts and my head hurts. I was feeling fine until I started the medicine, but if this works, I'll take it.

So that is the news on my poor sinus that I never knew was infected. I'll keep you posted on what happens and again would appreciate the prayers that when it comes time for the CT scan, it will be clear. Another post to come in the next few days, AND school starts back on Tuesday! Have a great weekend!

What I Learned My First Semester of Grad School

2011-01-01T22:10:00.002-05:00

Well, Merry Christmas everyone! And happy birthday to my fabulous dad on the day after Christmas! Hope you have all enjoyed your Christmas celebrations and spending time with family. I survived my first Christmas alone, mostly by pretending it wasn't actually Christmas. :) I did get to skype with my family as we opened presents together, and that was fun. I also got to chat on the phone with some awesome people throughout the day, but I spent most of the day on the couch reading. After the madness of the past weeks, it was just what the doctor ordered! I will admit that I hope next Christmas looks a lot different than this one did, but all in all, I'm thankful for the gift God gave to us and that He got me through the day. :) Oh, and Happy New Year too! I started this blog on the day after Christmas, but well....it's just now getting finished!

On to school....I haven't had much time lately to process my first semester of school, but I have time now, and I wanted to share my reflections of what I learned during these past few months. I'm going to try to add some of my favorite recent pictures to the post to help break up the writing. Enjoy reading about all I have learned....

*The professional is the personal
This was probably the one thing I was most unprepared for when I began this program. Any school experience I've had in my life prior to this has been just that - school. You learn some stuff, you do the assignments, and you move on to the next class. In my counseling program, however, everything is personal. Who you are as a person will directly impact who you are as a counselor. Yes, we're being trained and learning skills and helpful information. But through the process, I am being personally transformed. You cannot learn about how to help people through the stuff in their lives without changing yourself. Because of this element, school can sometimes be exhausting. I found myself always thinking about stuff and processing what happened in class or what I was reading because it all impacted me personally. I have grown in ways I never imagined, and I know that will continue throughout the upcoming months.

*Learning about something you're interested in is really fun!
The last time I was in school, I enjoyed it, but in undergrad you have to take so many core classes that you never end up using and that you really don't care about. Every class I am taking has something to do with training to be a counselor, and they are all so interesting! It is really cool to see how much better school is when you are studying a subject that you are excited about and know you are preparing for a specific type of career.

*God made me special and He loves me very much!
Who knew there would be so much wisdom found in VeggieTales? The truth of this statement is something that I continue to wrestle with. I would love to say that I don't care what other people think about me, but if I'm being totally honest, I have to admit that I do. I want to be liked and respected and thought well of, and in a school setting I want people to think I belong there, that I will be a good counselor and that I have good things to contribute to discussions, etc. But the truth of the matter is that I am unique. God made me special (just like He made you special)! There were times this past semester that I felt out of place. Perhaps all of my classmates liked a certain book that I didn't. Or they viewed a situation differently than me. Instead of focusing so much on what might be wrong with me because I see something in a different way, I am coming to realize yet again that God made me on purpose for a purpose. He needs some people in the world to think outside of the box. He needs creativity and different ways of thinking. And it's really about much more than being "right" or "wrong" - it's just being comfortable with who He has made me to be, knowing He loves me, and that is enough! I know this is an area God will continue to refine in me, but I'm giving you fair warning now - 2011 could bring Tiffany even more unleashed, and it could be scary!! :)

*God WILL continue refining
While this semester has continued God's refining process in my life, I know it will not stop now. I have already gotten all of my books in the mail for this upcoming semester. (They are currently out of the way so I do not stress out while looking at the big pile. Let's be honest, I needed this break!) In looking at the books and seeing the subjects I will be studying, it's amusing in a sick sort of way to see how God uses all parts of our lives to mold us and shape us and continue His work in us. It seems as though whatever I am wrestling with is somehow incorporated into my studies so that I am forced to continue working through and dealing with whatever those issues might be. While this can sometimes be annoying, I am very thankful because I do want to be healthy, and I believe that it is my responsibility to be as healthy as possible before I attempt to speak into another person's life as a counselor.

*When God calls, He equips
Even in this first semester of school, there have been times where I have questioned if this was what I was really supposed to be doing. What if I heard God wrong? What if this wasn't what He had in mind for me to do? But over and over again, He has confirmed that this is exactly where I am supposed to be. And I have discovered the truth that when God calls us to something, He really does equip us. Despite my struggles, ponderings, and wrestling, when I have needed to do something - be it an assignment, helping a friend work through an issue, encouraging a classmate or co-worker or whatever - God has equipped me with what I needed when I needed it. I am confident He will continue to do this as I keep going down this path He has made for me.

*Appearances can be deceiving
One very important thing I was reminded of this semester was how judgmental I can be. I tend to make snap assessments of people based on a first encounter - what they look like, an initial conversation... This is totally unfair in all of life but something I must stay away from as a counselor. Appearances really can be deceiving and it's not fair to assume you know what someone's life is like by how they look or by how things might appear to be. Everyone has a story, and everyone's story is worth knowing, no matter what they might look like or how they might act.

*EVERYONE needs counseling!
This statement pretty much sums itself up, but it's true - everyone needs counseling. We all have issues. And those issues affect our relationships and how we approach the world and the impact we have on others. As believers especially, I think it's so important to be healthy so that we can be in relationship with God and others as close to the way He designed it as possible. We miss so much because we stay trapped in our small lives, living in fear of what other people might think and say and do. So find a godly counselor and let 2011 be the year of freedom and health!

So there you have it - a small sampling of what I learned in my first semester of graduate school! It was a great beginning, and while I am fully enjoying this break, I am looking forward to all that is in store in this next semester and the continuing adventures of 2011. I'll keep you posted. Thank you for your prayers and support! May 2011 be a year filled with glorious adventure, grace, love, and growth for each one of us! More to come soon! :)

An Honest Moment

2010-12-20T20:37:00.002-05:00

Hi everybody. I know it's been a long time since I've written a blog. It's been an insane month or so as I finished my first semester of grad school. But guess what?? I FINISHED!!!! :) I'm quite proud that I made it through the first semester. I learned a ton and my first semester reflection blog will be coming soon. I also have lots of fun pictures to share from my weekend visit to GA when we celebrated Christmas with the various sides of the family, and that blog will be coming soon too. For tonight though, I have a very honest post to share, along with some prayer requests....

First of all, Matthew had knee surgery today. It went very well and the doctor is confident he was able to clean things up to the point that it will hopefully reduce the pain he has been in. Prayers are certainly appreciated for a quick healing for him and that his pain levels will be as low as possible.

Secondly, my grandmother was taken to the ER on Thursday evening with severe pain. Turns out she had a blockage in her intestine, and they had to do emergency surgery in the middle of the night. They were able to remove the whole blockage but with where it was and what it looked like, the doctors feel pretty certain that it is most likely cancer. She had already said that if it was cancer she wasn't going to do chemo (she is 79), so we'll see what the results are and what her decision is.

Before that is even a contemplation, there are many other issues going on right now that I would appreciate your prayers for. I want to be very respectful of my grandmother and her situation, so I am attempting to explain as much as I can while saying as little as possible. My grandmother has struggled with alcoholism for a very long time. Because of that, there have been a lot of extra complications with this surgery that might not otherwise be there. There are a lot of problems with her heart and blood pressure. On top of all of that, we are now dealing with withdrawal and all that comes from that. Let's just leave it at this: it is not pleasant for her or anyone else. So I would really appreciate your prayers for this situation. Pray that my grandmother will heal quickly, that this stretch will go quickly, that her children (my mom and aunt and uncle) will be full of grace and love and patience, and that they will have wisdom to know how to handle the upcoming decisions.

Because of the situation with my grandmother and the unknowns with that, the original plans we had for Christmas are no longer going to be happening. Due to my work situation, my parents and Matthew had planned on coming down here for Christmas, and they will now be staying in GA. This is completely understandable, but this also means that this will be the first Christmas in all of my 32 years that I have not been with my family. Nikki is working all day and evening on Christmas Day, so I will literally be alone the whole day. Don't worry - I do have some options of some potential things to do so I won't spend the whole time by myself, but it's still hard. It's a lot harder than I thought it might be, and I'm sure that day will be tough as well. I'll make the best of it and enjoy the celebration, but for tonight, I'm whining. :) I'd appreciate prayers for me and my family as this Christmas will look different than we had hoped and that we'll be able to focus on what God has made possible instead of what isn't happening.

Finally, I'm personally just about done. With the madness of finishing school and the holidays making work crazy, life has just been insane. I'm exhausted and feel like I could use about a week's vacation but unfortunately, that is not a possibility. I'm working a ton of hours this week, and the mall is filled with tons of holiday shoppers. They are very un-jolly more often than not, which is never fun. There are some people I want to bash with my reindeer antlers, but that would not be a good thing. :) So pray for me that I will be able to make it through this week and maintain grace and kindness and Christmas cheer.

I think that's about it for now. I've tried to keep my blog authentic and real since I started it, and while ultimately we'll all end up where we need to be, this is an honest look at the struggles that my family and I are going through this evening. Thank you for letting me share them with you, and thank you for your prayers and support. More to come soon!

I Am Easily Amused

2010-11-29T12:05:00.009-05:00

My parents left this morning to head back to GA. It was great to have them here visiting, even if I didn't get to see them all that much. We had a blast at Mickey's Christmas Party last night, and I'll post pictures from that soon. In the meantime, I am trying to get schoolwork done before I head to work for the evening, but I'm so tired all I want to do is sleep! :) So I am taking a school break to write this quick blog.

A few entries ago, I shared that I had a goal of getting a cute picture of me and Ellie in our matching Santa hats this holiday season. With the parents in town, it seemed like the perfect opportunity, so we tried to capture the moment yesterday. Ellie was NOT happy. She is not a fan of the hat, and she didn't want to be held with the hat on. I would pick her up, we'd try to snap one picture and then I'd have to set her down to try it all over again. Here is one we got where she clearly wasn't having any part of it...

This next one isn't too bad, but she wasn't looking at the camera.

This was one of my favorites...

And finally, we have the winner! This was voted the favorite of everyone who was here. Ellie is just happy that the photo session is done, and she has stopped running from me when I try to pick her up. :)

Yes, I have issues. But at least I have fun. :) Now, back to work. Have a great week!!!

On Shopping & Dishes

2010-11-28T12:13:00.005-05:00

Greetings!! Well, it is official - I survived the Black Friday weekend!! Hopefully my body will recover quickly from the madness - I'm getting way too old for this. :) I worked 16 hours on Friday - from 2am until 6pm and then 10 1/2 hours yesterday. I have slept really well the past two nights - I guess when you're completely exhausted, you get some really great sleep. Today I finally get to hang out with my parents and then tomorrow starts the final push towards the end of semester for school. But I will think about that tomorrow! For today, a few stories to share...

I know I'm a girl and that most girls love to shop. I have never been one of those girls. Shopping is not my favorite thing to do, and if I do need something, I will go specifically for that item. I'm not much of a browser and going to shop without a purpose is not really fun to me. Maybe this is because I grew up with brothers and no sisters and spent most of my time outside playing. I don't know, but I have always been this way. I remember once in college I had a friend who loved to shop. She invited me to go to the mall with her, and I figured it would be a fun way to pass a couple of hours. What I was unaware of was that she was one who wanted to go in EVERY store and look at EVERY item of clothing on EVERY rack - even if it wasn't our size. That afternoon at the mall was my own personal version of hell, and let's just say I never went shopping with her again! :) All of this is just to convey that malls are not my favorite place to spend free time. If they were, however, the Black Friday weekend would cure me of wanting to shop ever again. It is nutty and one of the craziest things to me. I know there are good deals, and maybe one day when I'm not actually working on that day, I will enjoy partaking in the madness. Or maybe not. For those of you who were out in the insanity, I hope you had a great time!

In other news, we had a fun Thanksgiving. Matthew and my parents were here, and we enjoyed making a Thanksgiving meal with our traditional favorites. We also got to video chat with Michael and Bekah, so we were all "together" for at least a little while. I made a homemade banana pudding for dessert - it was delicious!!

I also made a green bean casserole. I found Paula Deen's recipe a few years ago, and while it is totally not healthy, it is the most delicious green bean casserole I've ever had and has become a family favorite. But all the food aside, one of my most favorite parts of Thanksgiving was getting to use my new dishes.

When I got married, we picked out very neutral dishes. When I got divorced, I kept most of the dishes. It wasn't that I necessarily loved them or wanted to have them around, but I like to cook. I wanted to have plates to put food on and I didn't have any money, so practicality won out and they stayed. I've wanted to change them for a long time, but I am a practical person who doesn't like to spend money, especially on things that aren't really necessary. I figured if I ever got married again someday, I'd just register for different dishes and deal with it then. Well, here we are four years later, and I've made some decisions. I don't know what the future holds - maybe I'll marry again or maybe I'll be single. Despite all of that, if I want dishes that reflect my personality and weren't picked out with my ex-husband, that's okay! My uncle works at Macy's, and with sales and discounts, I was able to replace my dishes very inexpensively. And here they are....

This is minus one color because I had to switch it out, but I LOVE them!!! It's so fun to open my cabinet or my dishwasher and see all of the brightly colored dishes. And I love that when people eat, everyone has a different color! I think these new smiley dishes reflect me very well, and I'm going to enjoy using them. There are other colors too, so if I ever want to add to them, I can just keep adding new colors. And if I do ever get married someday, I'll just register for Christmas dishes instead! :)

That's all for now. I'm going to go enjoy hanging out with my parents on their last full day here. We're going to Mickey's Very Merry Christmas Party later today, and I can't wait to introduce them to the magic of Christmas there!! Pictures to come soon... Happy Sunday! :)

Giving Thanks

2010-11-23T21:47:00.006-05:00

Hi Everyone! Happy Thanksgiving week to all! I have much to be thankful for, some of which I will get to in a minute. First though, I wanted to write one of those posts - you know, where I get all reflective and share something that's on my heart. It's been awhile since I've really had a post like this, but one of the things I love about having this blog is being able to go back and read this journal of the past few years. It always helps me remember where I've been and what I've learned and how far I have come. And on this night, when I really should be sleeping, I have a few thoughts to share. I think putting them on "paper" will help me sleep...

Anyway, my parents arrived in town tonight to spend Thanksgiving week with me! Yay for parents and a fabulous family! They are one of my treasures that I am most thankful for. Brother Matthew arrives tomorrow, which will also be awesome. Michael and Bekah couldn't come now, but we will all be together in GA in a few weeks to celebrate Christmas. Due to the fact that we have company in town, Nikki and I decided to decorate our apartment for Christmas last night. We love having it decorated for the holidays, and we wanted it to be all cute for our visitors. We listened to Christmas music while we decorated our trees and put up some other stuff. Here are our completed trees - cute, yes?? :)

I LOVE Christmas. It's my favorite time of year. I love everything about the holiday - the music, the lights and decorations, what we're really celebrating, a time to stop and give thanks, time to be with family, Christmas trees, cinnamon smells...the list could go on and on. But can I confess something? Holidays are hard. In one of my classes, we talked about how fluid our memories are, and how much we actually forget quickly after it happens. One reason we remember so much about holidays is because they involve all of our senses - we remember things by taste, smell, sight, touch, etc. That is fantastic when there are things you want to remember - not so much when those memories also involve pain.

As Nikki and I were decorating our trees last night, we were both rather pensive. All of my ornaments on my tree remind me of something. I love unwrapping them each year because it always jogs memories and reminds me of certain times in my life or places I've gone or of a person who gave it to me. And even though it's been four years, it sometimes still hurts. It seems like the holidays bring out some of those hurts. It makes me mad that it still hurts after all this time. But I'm trying to learn and grow and be more and more comfortable with myself, even in facing emotions I don't like, so I'm attempting to rest in this pain and process through it....thus the reason for a late night blog. :)

Last night after I turned out the lights, I was looking at my tree, and one ornament glowed at me. Here is a picture of my tree...bet you can see which one it is!

Right in the center of my tree is a bright purple sequined ornament that says "joy". Nikki gave it to me last year. It was such a good reminder for me. Even when things hurt, even if this isn't how I would have chosen for my story to be written, even if this isn't "how it was supposed to be", God still sees me. This is His story for me - and He is using it to create beauty out of ashes and glorify Himself - and joy still exists. I might be 32, divorced, living with a roommate and a cat, decorating a tiny Christmas tree, but that doesn't define who I really am. God does. And deep down inside, I have joy. I have a deep abiding joy, and I have joy in the littlest blessings of life. I have a really fabulously decorated apartment, I can wear reindeer antlers to work, I can go to Disney World, I can study to be a counselor, I can spend time with the greatest family and friends ever, and most of all, I can rest my head on my pillow every night knowing Jesus loves me. He loves me so much, He has allowed me to walk the road of these past four years and to come out on the other side a more refined daughter of the King. Even in the hurt, there is still joy. And that is a miracle that I am thankful for.

So even if it sometimes hurts, I will still enjoy this holiday season. And I pray that no matter where circumstances find each of us, we will not lose sight of what we are celebrating. The God of the universe, who knows every fiber of our being, loved us so much that He sent His Son to earth. From birth came death. And from death came Life and a redemption that continues to this day. Thankful does not begin to describe it. Enjoy this week of Thanksgiving and the Christmas season that follows. And may joy be found in each day - in little and small ways!

The State Of Things

2010-11-14T22:09:00.005-05:00

Greetings! It's been awhile since I've written a blog, and I felt the need to write a new one tonight. I am completely exhausted, so this is probably not the best time to try to write anything profound, but we'll give it a shot. :) Reasons for the exhaustion... Number one, I just worked 21 hours in two days. Santa arrived at the mall! He arrives on the roof of the mall, amidst much smoke and loud music and such, comes down off the roof, and then there is a parade into the mall where he "lights" a gigantic two story tree, and then he takes his place on his throne for all the little kiddies to come and visit him. Lovely, all of it. I only have a couple of issues with this. To begin with, he arrived two weeks BEFORE Thanksgiving! Can you imagine all of the kids who got to visit him thinking Christmas is soon? "Mommy, when is Santa coming? When will it be Christmas?" "Oh, not for like 48 days!!" The other issue I have with it is that as soon as Santa appears, people become grinchy. I don't know what it is about the holidays that bring out the worst in people, but they do. So as you all do whatever shopping you're going to do this year, remember this: BE NICE to the people that serve you. We have feelings too! We're also making your food and could do any number of things to it....not that we would....I'm just sayin', choose wisely whom you irritate! :) And there is NOTHING you are buying that is worth getting an attitude, hurting another person, or having a sense of entitlement. It's just stuff.

Okay, I'll get off the soapbox now. In an attempt to survive the holiday madness, I am having as much fun at work as possible. We sing Christmas songs and make up dances and quote movie lines all day. On the night of Santa's arrival, I made my entire front counter wear Santa hats, and I wore my reindeer antlers. I think it helped our cheer. :)

Reason number two for my exhaustion is when I have down time from work, I am doing schoolwork. We're getting close to the end of the semester, which is both exciting and hard to believe, but that also means that much work is due in the coming weeks. I'm trying to be very disciplined and proactive and plan ahead so that I don't leave it all to the last week where I won't be able to get it all done. With that said, I just completed one of my projects! We had to videotape ourselves counseling one of our classmates for 15 minutes. We then had to write a verbatim of the video - literally every word that each person said had to be documented. I finished the verbatim a little while ago, and while a pain to do, it was actually quite interesting.

In watching myself on video, I realized how little we get to watch ourselves. I know that I have a perception of myself and how I think I act or present myself to other people. But when you see yourself on video, you are able to see yourself as you really are. It's fascinating. For example, maybe in your mind you are being extremely expressive as you tell a story, but when you see yourself, you realize you're barely showing any emotion. I'm obviously learning so much about being a counselor through my program, but I am also learning a ton about myself. I'm learning just how God has created me, and to be okay with that and comfortable in my own skin. I'm learning how to be challenged and to grow - hopefully without taking on the expectations of how others expect me to grow, but just following how God directs me. It's an amazing process and one I am abundantly thankful for. I hope to sit down and write a much better blog about what I have learned once I get through the semester and the madness that abounds.

In the meantime, please pray for me. These next weeks are going to be insane. I don't want to miss the life going on each day in the stress of all that has to get done. Add school to working 40+ hours a week, in holiday madness, dealing with cranky people....and that's not even counting Black Friday, where I will probably work at least 14 hours on that one day. There's a lot going on, and it's a recipe for disaster if I'm not careful, so pray that I will have wisdom to balance what has to get done with relaxation and fun, and that I will take things one moment at a time.

Towards that end, I have a fun goal for this holiday season...I took this picture last holiday season and thought it was hilarious.

Yes, I have issues. You should be used to this by now. :) Anyway, I was home by myself one day and playing with the self-timer on my camera. I was out on my balcony, so imagine me trying to wrestle my mad that she had on a hat cat, hit the timer, and smile all in about 10 seconds. This was the best I could do. So my goal for this Christmas is to get a fantastic picture of me and my cat in our matching hats. Ellie is thrilled. Hahaha....you can eagerly await the results! In the meantime, have a great week!

A Weekend In Boston

2010-11-03T21:42:00.016-04:00

This past weekend, I was able to go to Boston and visit Michael and Bekah. I had a great time getting to see them and spend time catching up on life. They recently made a trip to New York to pick up Bekah's furniture from home and redecorated their apartment. It's so cute!! Here is their "Pottery Barn" living room and bedroom...and yes, we used the fireplace a couple of nights. I even roasted a marshmallow to make a s'more! :)

And here is a picture of my brother and his wife! The second picture is them with the kids who live in the lower level of the house they rent. They love Michael and Bekah and came to trick-or-treat before they went out in the neighborhood.

It was quite chilly while I was there. They all tried to convince me that it had been warm prior to my arrival, but the cold air was there when I arrived and it just got colder as the weekend progressed. I took my puffy with me, and it kept me very warm! Here is a picture of me and Bekah and my lovely puffy. :)

I was able to spend some time with Tim and Joanna and their family while I was there. Tim is the pastor of the church I went to up there, and they were both instrumental in being part of my healing process and helping create a safe place for me to be. I love them and their family, and it was so good to see them and catch up. They have four awesome kids, including a seven year old daughter that I adore and miss, and it was fun to see her as well. It's always nice for a child to run across the room and take a flying leap into your arms when they see you. :) Here we are together...

One of the coolest aspects of the weekend for me was the opportunity to be back in Boston and just be reminded of how much God has done in my life over these last three plus years since I moved there. I think the North Shore will always be special to my heart because of the circumstances that took me to Boston and the healing that took place while I lived there. I used to take long walks around the water, especially the first summer there. I found that I couldn't be in the midst of God's creation without remembering how great He is. I knew that the same God who told the waves how far up on the sand they could come knew I was walking beside them, and knowing that helped me believe He still had a purpose for my life. Being back there this weekend reminded me of those times. I'll be a "work in progress" until I see Jesus face to face, but God really has done miraculous healing in my life. I am grateful for the reminder and so thankful that He loves me enough to meet me wherever I am and continue to mold and shape me into who He's created me to be.

This first picture is from the rocks that were at the end of the street where I lived. I actually didn't alter this photograph to make it greener - the water really did have that fluorescent green color and I thought it looked amazing.

Michael and I lived in an apartment that was surrounded on three sides by the ocean. I used to walk the loop around where we lived. This dock was on one end of the loop, and I thought it looked cool to have the fall colors on the trees in the background.

The fall colors had started to fade, but it was still beautiful, especially living in Florida where we don't really get many leaf changes. Here are a few of my favorite pictures that I took.

All in all, it was a great weekend! I enjoyed the chance to get away and relax, see beautiful scenery, catch up with friends, spend time with Michael & Bekah, and be reminded of how much God loves me. Not bad for one weekend! :) I'll try to write again soon with more updates. In the meantime, I hope you all have a fantastic rest of the week!

School Daze :)

2010-10-25T10:19:00.005-04:00

Good Monday morning to you all! I should be working on schoolwork, and I promise I will be soon, but I thought I'd write a blog and catch you up on what's happening with school so far. I'm just past the halfway point in the semester, which is kind of cool. I finished my first class this past Thursday night (YAY!!!) and start a new class this Thursday. Here is a rundown on each class and what I am learning...

*My Tuesday night class is a counseling skills class. We are learning all sorts of important skills on how to counsel people well - asking questions, reflecting back what they have said, observing body language, etc. We have been put in triads, and each week we practice counseling each other with what we are learning. Each time you are in your triad, someone is the counselor, someone is the client, and someone is the observer. We spend about 5 minutes at a time in a "session", and then we switch roles. I've really enjoyed this so far. After reading so much about counseling, it's fun to actually get to try it. It's also cool how much you learn about yourself and your own personal style in watching others counsel. Even though there are skills to learn, it is also emphasized that counseling has to be authentic and real. I love this because each person is a different type of counselor, just based on personality and such. I am definitely learning a lot about myself through this experience.

*My first Thursday night class was a foundations of counseling class where we learned about the history of counseling - where we've come from, how we got where we are, and where we're going. We talked a lot about worldviews and the importance of knowing who you are and what you believe. On the last night, we had to do a group presentation, showing a movie clip that portrayed a worldview we were presenting. My group used the movie Napolean Dynamite, and we even did a little dance. Here's a picture of my group...

*My next Thursday night class is on theories of counseling, and we will be learning about the various theoretical orientations that are used in counseling. I think this will be an interesting class to take. It will be slightly weird at first because we will have a different professor. We've had the same professor for the first two classes, and now it is time to branch out! I'll share more about this class as I get into it.

*Overall, this program should take me about 2 1/2 years to complete. It's going by quickly though! I can't believe it's about to be November already. So far this semester, I have read hundreds of pages in books, written and turned in 4 papers (one that was 20 pages!) and completed one group project. Not bad while also working full time! I have A LOT more work to do to finish out the semester, but I'm trying to take things one day at a time and not worry too much about it. I'm trying to stay really organized and still have fun every now and then, but I'm mostly just working and doing school stuff.

*One thing that is making school even more awesome is that my classmates and I are really starting to connect. Friendships are growing, we are hanging out some together, and we are having a blast. Having that community makes everything better, and I am so thankful that I am getting to share this adventure with some amazing people.

*Finally, going to school is just continuing the healing process in me. I am learning that in order to be a good counselor, you have to know yourself really well and work through your own stuff before you can be much help to another. I have already begun this process by being in counseling this last year, but everything is continuing to be refined and I am being challenged and stretched even more through my classes and interactions there. It is not always fun, but it's good, and I am thankful for the work that God continues to do in my life as He prepares me for what He has for me to do.

So there you have an update on school! I must go get some work done before heading to work for the evening. Have a great week!

Monday Musings

2010-10-18T14:04:00.003-04:00

Greetings, readers of the blog! I have to head to work in a bit, but I thought I'd give you all a quick update on the happenings here. It's been a CRAZY two weeks, but I have survived, and it'll be cool to see what happens next. For now, here are the highlights...

*I will finish my first graduate school class on Thursday night!!! It's amazing that 8 weeks of class have already gone by. I start the next 8 week class the following Thursday, but I'm still excited about the accomplishment of finishing the first one. I finished my last paper for that class today, and then I have a group presentation on Thursday night and we'll be done!

*I am learning so much through school right now, which is very cool. I'll write a blog soon that is just about school and what is happening there. It's neat to see how God is using school to continue His healing of my heart.

*I kind of hit a wall last week where I was totally over the insanity of my schedule. Working 40+ hours each week and going to school full time and writing bunches of papers leads to some exhaustion and feelings of being overwhelmed. However, I took some time in these last few days to take care of myself a bit and do some fun stuff. I am feeling much better about where I am now and am thankful for friends and Disney who help me remember to still enjoy life. :)

*I miss fall. I took this picture when I lived in Boston, and I wish I could see sights like this around here....

However, the weather has been cooler, which is awesome AND I am going to visit my brother and sister-in-law next weekend in the Great White North! Can't wait to see them and I'm hoping that there will be a few leaves left on the trees for me to see. Either that or maybe it will snow since I certainly won't get any of that down here. Don't tell my brother I would love to see snow fall though - he'll get mad! :)

*I know a lot of you read my blog and don't like to leave comments for multiple reasons. I understand this. However, if you could, I've love to get some comments from some of you, even if you just put a smiley face as your comment. It's nice to know sometimes that you're not alone and that people have your back. Thanks in advance!!

Must run now so I can read for a bit before heading to the Chick for the night. More to come soon... In the meantime, have a great week!

A Blog On Baseball

2010-10-12T13:14:00.008-04:00

So the Braves' season ended last night. I thought it would be appropriate to give them a little shout out on my blog, as well as explain exactly why it is that I love baseball. Plus, this is a nice break from writing my massive paper for school...

I grew up in a sports family. My dad played every sport imaginable in high school until he blew out his knee. My mom's dad was the voice of the Atlanta Falcons the first ten years they were a franchise. And I was the only girl with two brothers who both loved sports. I actually played t-ball when I was little but that was as far as my baseball experiences went personally. When I was a kid, I used to wish that I had been born a boy so that I could be a major league baseball player. :) But that is not how God made me, so I did the next best thing...I learned the game.

My brothers both played baseball growing up, and as we were a family that supported one another, that meant we all grew up at the little league field. I spent more hours, days, weeks and years there than I could count. I figured if I was going to have to be there, I might as well get paid, so I took the classes and was trained as an official scorekeeper. And it was there that I fell in love with the game.

A lot of people think baseball is really boring. It's actually not. There is so much strategy and thought and analysis that goes into each game. When you know the game, you see much more than what is happening on the field, and it's really fun. My brothers and I grew up as Braves fans. We used to go to games in the 80's when they were absolutely horrible. You'd pay $5 and everyone would sit behind home plate because no one would be at the game. It was a bonus if they won the game - just being there was magical.

So as a true fan, it was an amazing experience for them to win the pennant in 1991. Baseball fever took over Atlanta, and when we lost the World Series in seven games, you would have thought we won. They had a parade for the team, and my mom let us skip school and took us to the parade in Atlanta. I was in 7th grade at the time.

My favorite way to watch a game in person is with headphones on so I can hear the announcers. There is nothing like it! For those of you who go to games with me and I don't do this, you should feel honored. :)

I've never been a huge superstar kind of person. I love the team as a whole. And this year's Braves team has been one of my favorites. It was Bobby Cox's last year before retirement, and this team was so much fun to be a part of as a fan. There were many dramatic moments in the season and if we hadn't had so many injuries, who knows what would have happened. But we did, and the season is over, and with it, the end of an era. I can't remember a Braves team without Bobby Cox as the manager. It'll be weird to start next season with someone else. I wish him the best as he moves forward in life.

I know a lot of people don't understand my love of this sport. I'm okay with that. And yes, I know there are a lot more important things going on in the world than baseball. But for today, I'm celebrating an amazing year, a fantastic team, a great manager, and what it means to be a fan. And when spring training starts down here in February....I'll be there. :)

An Update From Me :)

2010-10-06T19:32:00.006-04:00

So I should be working on my 20 page paper that is due next week. But my brain is mushy at the moment, and so I am taking a break to write a blog instead. Here are my random tidbits for now....

*I stopped by Five Guys on my way home tonight because I was craving beef and am currently eating a delicious cheeseburger. Let's face it, a girl can only eat chicken for so long before the very thought of chicken makes you want to gag. No offense to my fabulous employer of course...

*I turned in my first graduate school paper last night! I was quite proud of that, I must admit. It's been a lot of years since I wrote papers, so it was cool to get that first one handed in. I have another paper due Tuesday that is already written, and then I have this 20 page paper due next Thursday. It's about worldview and spiritual disciplines and counseling and what we've talked about in class. This is part of the reason for my brain mushiness - it's not an easy paper to write, but it's also a fun challenge. After that paper is done, I have another paper and a project due the following week. But this should be the hardest one to write.

*Another reason for my brain mush is that I went to counseling this afternoon. My counselor is awesome - I love her! But sometimes I feel like I need counseling after counseling so that I can process what I just processed. Hahaha...try to figure that one out! Perhaps I'll just stop thinking for a bit and eat some chocolate. :)

*My Braves made the playoffs!! This is cause for much celebration and rejoicing!!!! I mean, in the grand scheme of life I realize that there are far more important things happening in the world than baseball. But I think it's okay to love it. I think God might be a fan Himself. And can you imagine the baseball games we could have in heaven??? Seriously though, I'm excited about the playoffs beginning tomorrow night. I love my team. I think they have a great story. It's cool that they're sending their manager out on a winning note. We might get killed in the playoffs, but it's still been a fun year. And I love this picture from the other night when they clinched...

*My cat is insane. She makes me smile. I caught her saying her nightly prayers the other night before she went to sleep. I wonder what she was praying for?? :)

*Finally, I shall close my blog with a picture I took on my last visit to the Great White North as a shout-out to all my Boston peeps. I miss you guys! And I miss the glorious scenery from the fall. The weather is finally starting to cool off here, and it's awesome outside right now.

Have a great week everyone! I'm off to work on my paper some more....and to eat some of that chocolate! :)

Sunday Update

2010-09-26T18:31:00.002-04:00

Hi everyone! I'm taking a quick reading break to bring you this bloggy update. I don't have much time, so here goes the random updates of life here....

*I finished my first grad school paper today!!! :) I am quite excited about this! I actually have 4 papers and one project due in the next 4 weeks, but let's not think about that right now and ruin the excitement over finishing the first one.

*I actually never ever thought I'd go back to school. Ever. There wasn't anything I was interested in enough to do the school thing again of studying and writing papers. Never say never though. Now that I am back in school, it's really cool to see how awesome it is to study something you are passionate about doing. And I've been reminded how much I like being challenged and learning new things. I LOVE SCHOOL! :)

*The Braves are killing me. The postseason was ours for the taking. And we still have a shot. But if we don't start playing better and win some games, the playoffs will not be ours to experience. 7 more days. C'mon guys!

*I am really tired. It's quite difficult to either be working, sitting in class, or reading/writing. I literally don't have much time for anything else. I'm trying to do one fun thing a week to make sure I keep life balanced. Pray for me though because I don't have any days where I can just relax and do nothing. Pray for amazing energy and strength to make it during this season of life and that I will enjoy each minute of it!

*I am making chili for dinner tonight. I know some of you are actually experiencing fall like weather and temperatures now. We are not - it's really hot here still. But since it's about to be October, I'm pretending like it's fall-like outside and will enjoy my chili immensely!

*Praise Jesus for the invention of ice cream and chocolate. :)

Love you all - have a great week!

The Power Of The Tongue

2010-09-12T14:32:00.003-04:00

Happy Sunday everyone! I have SOOOO much work to do for school, but I thought I'd post a blog anyway because I have thoughts to share and it's Sunday and an update is kind of needed. So a really fast update before I get to the point of this blog....

*I LOVE school!! I've had 2 weeks of class now, and I'm so excited at the thought of continuing to go and really start getting into the depth and practice of counseling. It's cool to see even from the very beginning how God is going to use school to continue His refining and healing process in me. I'm starting to get to know some people, and I'm just truly thankful for the opportunity to do this and to see how God continues to affirm that this is what He created me for. Yay for school!!!!

*My mom is coming in town Tuesday night for a brief September visit, with the whole purpose of her trip being theme park visitation. She, Nikki and I have wanted to go to Universal and see all of the new Harry Potter stuff since it opened, but it's been ridiculously hot and crowded and we decided to wait until September to go after all of the tourists left. (As an aside, if you ever want to visit Disney and want to know a great time to come, the first two weeks after the week of Labor Day are perfect. NO lines, no long waiting - just how it should be!) On Wednesday, we shall be spending the day at Universal and on Thursday, we'll be at Disney. Fun times to be had!

*The Braves are currently tied for first place! And it's Sept. 12th! It's been a few years since we were in this position, and it's so much fun to be a part of. Nerve wracking, but fun. I feel like I need to apologize to my professor though - at random times in class, I try to check my phone for score updates, or people text me updates. I'm careful to not be distracting, but let's be honest people. We're in the middle of a pennant race. Class or no class, I'm cheering them on! :)

Anyway, on to the tongue. At church, we are going through the book of James. It's been an awesome series. It's one of my favorite books of the Bible and so challenging. Today we discussed the passage on the tongue and how damaging - or healing - our tongue can be. It was very convicting and a great reminder of the power we yield with our words. At the end of the service, the pastor challenged everyone to confess to God what needed confessing regarding our tongue and to ask forgiveness from a spouse or parent or child or whatever if they were there with you and had been hurt by something you'd said.

From where I was sitting, I had a perfect view of an older couple, at least in their 60's, standing together. As the music played, the husband leaned down to his wife (he was much taller) and whispered something in her ear. You could see her whole body respond to what he said as she just sort of softened. Then she pulled him down so she could speak in his ear. They took turns doing this a few times and then pulled away and looked at each other in the eyes. I couldn't see the man's face, but I could see the wife's face, and the genuine love and affection she had was beautiful. I was literally standing there with tears in my eyes as I watched this expression of love and the power of forgiveness and grace.

Enough time has gone by now and God has done such miraculous healing in my own life that there aren't many things anymore that prick my heart in a big way regarding my own journey and situation, but today was one of them. As I watched this couple relate, I realized I had never had the opportunity to do that. I never got to experience how to disagree or have good conflict or how to move forward from those times deeper in love. I've certainly gotten to learn how to forgive, but it's been without the person being present, which is a different experience.

So for all of you who are married - and even if you're not, we're all in relationship with others - I'd encourage you to love well. It is a privilege to be able to speak life into another person. Guard your words carefully. We all have the power to bring life or to bring death to another person. It's a weighty responsibility to carry.

I think about this as I am preparing to enter into a healing profession myself. I have a great responsibility and privilege to walk with others through often very dark times in their lives. I pray that I will speak life to them and very carefully guard my tongue. I'd ask for your prayers as well, even in these beginning stages of school, that God will continue to give me eyes to see others as He sees them.... That He will continue to expose my prejudices and deal with them.... That I will love and love well, and that He will speak words of truth and life through me so that I may speak hope and healing into the lives of those He entrusts into my care....both professionally and personally. May we all reflect Christ to the world around us, especially in the words that we use. Have a great week!

The Cat & The Lizard

2010-09-05T20:22:00.006-04:00

There once was a very cute cat named Ellie. She meowed a lot, ate food, and liked drinking cold water the best. Ellie loved people, especially her Mommy. She slept with her Mommy every night and at the first light of day, she felt it her responsibility to make sure that she woke her Mommy up with loudly meowed greetings. And as if this wasn't enough, there came a day when an enemy approached her home in the form of a great and scary lizard. Ellie wanted to protect her mother and her own safe home so it seemed only natural in her mind to attack the terrible lizard with great ferocity and strength. Only one problem stood in the way......the window.

This window stood between her and the lizard, and no matter how hard Ellie tried, she could not get to the lizard. He knew this and it made him brazen, taunting her with his many tricks. Ellie believed that perseverance was key, so she kept trying every day to get to him. She rattled the blinds, she tried to go through the window, she meowed.....all very early in the morning. And just in case the lizard might make an appearance, she checked the window EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. Early in the morning. Rattling the blinds. Standing on her tiptoes to look out the window. Meowing.

Unfortunately, this is the closest she will ever get to the lizard (the brown thing she is leaning over would be her Mommy's bed)...

And if the lizard does not soon find a new home to torture, Ellie's Mommy may have to find a way to destroy the lizard so she can get more sleep. Or the cat's life may be in grave danger if this continues.

The End.

Stream of Consciousness

2010-08-29T16:25:00.004-04:00

Greetings! You may find more blogs like this in the future, where I don't have a lot of brainpower and/or time and just put my random thoughts into a quick blog. It could be interesting! :) So on this last Sunday in August, as I look forward to starting school this week, here are my random thoughts....

*Roadkill... There has been kind of a lot of roadkill around here lately. The disturbing part is that almost as soon as the poor animal is dead, the very large, well-fed huge vultures descend on said animal and soon it is no more. This happened to an armadillo looking animal right outside my apartment parking lot the other day. The only thing left now is his shell. Today they were surrounding a huge turtle. I realize they have to eat and this is the way God created things. But it's rather disturbing to see. And gross. And really....do they have to be such fat vultures? It means way too many creatures have met with their demise...

*I was squeezing lemons at Chick-fil-A yesterday (yes, we really do have homemade lemonade. We hand squeeze the lemons every day and then add lots and lots of sugar and some water.). As I was squeezing, one of the lemons slipped and I juiced my knuckle instead. I would not recommend this! Today my knuckle is bruised and a little swollen and sore. :(

*I know people might think I'm sometimes a little crazy for wearing fun socks and keeping my inner child alive. But did you know it's catching?? Yesterday at the Chick, we were listening to music while we were making all the food, and we turned the radio to a Disney station. It was playing all the classic Disney songs, and I might have helped start the sing-a-long by belting out a few lines, but before long everyone had joined in, boys included. Sometimes the inner child just needs a bit of encouragement before it makes an appearance!

*I'm very thankful that school is starting all around the world. Disney World is back to how it should be - no lines, just waiting for me to show up and ride some rides. :)

*I have done a lot of reading for my first classes this week - trying to stay current on the reading assignments. I haven't even been to class yet and I've learned a lot. I have a feeling this whole experience is going to change my life on every level. Scary and yet exciting!!

*We're keeping an eye on all of the storms out in the ocean. I may get my wish to tie myself to a tree and hang on after all. We shall see!

*Laughter is good for the soul. I'm off to spend some fun times with the roommate. Have a great week everyone!

**PS...I LOVE BASEBALL!!!!! GO BRAVES!!!!

Starting School

2010-08-23T16:36:00.003-04:00

Greetings to all the readers of my blog, however few of you there may now be! :) I have done a horrible job updating my blog this summer, mostly because I haven't had a lot of time. I've thought about discontinuing my blog, but I really do enjoy creating entries, and I like having a record of life from these past few years. So for now, the blog continues, and we'll see how it goes!

I'm sitting at my desk in my room - I have a desk! :) - while my cat snoozes on my bed. I am surrounded by a couple of piles of books. I have received all of my books for my classes for this upcoming semester, and I have also just gotten the syllabus for the first two classes I will be taking. One of my classes will last for the entire semester, and then the other class will last the first 8 weeks of the semester, and then my third class will be the second 8 weeks of the semester. It's gonna be a little crazy, folks. I'm pretty much just strapping on my seatbelt, taking a deep breath, and holding on for dear life! I had a moment of panic last week when I received my syllabus for the first 8 week class. I was less panicked when I received the other one today. I have to be honest - I have NO IDEA how in the world I am going to get all of the work done while working 45 hours a week, but I figure I'll just take everything one moment at a time and hope it all gets finished on time.

I've been debating back and forth all summer on whether or not to send out support letters to try to raise some funds to help with living expenses and school costs as I begin this adventure. I'm not one that likes to ask for help, especially monetarily, but the bottom line is that I can't do this without help, so I'm asking. I'm in the process of sending out the letters this week. I will be sending them to those family and friends I think wouldn't mind receiving one. But I also wanted those of you who read my blog to have the option of receiving a letter if you'd like to. Even if you aren't able to financially contribute, if you want to know the information and be willing to pray for me, feel free to email me and I'll make sure you get a letter. My email address is [tj2301@yahoo.com]. I would just post the letter here on my blog, but it contains information that I don't want on the internet, so if you want to make sure you receive one, shoot me an email with your address!

Thanks in advance for your prayers as I begin this next adventure. I am confident that I am where I am supposed to be and that God is guiding my path, but it's also a little overwhelming at the same time. I haven't been in school in ten years, so I'm hopeful I'll remember how to study! :) And I'm also asking for prayer for wisdom as I try to balance my schedule between work, school, and doing a few fun things now and then to stay sane. I am super excited to begin this, and as I see the books I'll be reading and the topics that I'll be learning about, I can't wait to see how God continues to shape and grow me as He prepares me for what lies ahead.

I'll do my very best to post updates on how things are going and what I am learning. Thanks for reading my blog and for all of your encouragement and support! Have a great week!

My Room

2010-08-06T11:08:00.007-04:00

Greetings from the ATL! I am here for the weekend hanging out with the fam, so more pictures and posts to come soon. I wanted to post a few pictures of my updated room though. It makes me smile, and I love it, even if the colors might be a little bold or bright for most. :)

My room was inspired by my new shower curtain that looks like this:

I decided to keep the color theme going throughout my room. This is my bed and curtains that I created.

Before I got the curtains hung up, Ellie enjoyed playing in them and laying on them.

I still have to take pictures of our living room and the changes we made there, but because I moved a piece of furniture out of my room to the living room, I now have space for a desk. Since I'm going to be starting school, I thought it would be a good idea to have a place to get work done. My desk makes me smile. :)

So there you have it! I can't be in my room or bathroom and not smile, and I think that's a good thing. Many thanks to my parents for helping me get all of this set up while they were visiting. More to come very soon!

Grilling

2010-07-26T20:32:00.006-04:00

I have seriously been the worst blogger ever lately, and it's not really for lack of anything to say. It's more of getting adjusted to this new schedule that I have. I am working between 40 and 45 hours at Chick-fil-A each week, and I have Wednesdays and then of course Sundays off. I never realized how difficult it is to not have two days off in a row until I don't have that. I have no idea what day it is anymore. Time has sort of become a lost concept, and since I work on Saturdays, weekends aren't as exciting either. Don't get me wrong - I still love having two days off a week - it's just weird that they aren't together! The other day I thought it was Tuesday when it was actually Friday. Haha... one thing about this is that time is seriously flying by. I can't believe that this is the last week of July! I only have a little more than a month before I start school, and I can't wait!!! More to come on that soon.

Anyway, some happenings here... Nikki and I decided to stay in our apartment for a host of reasons instead of moving. Since making that decision, we are just sprucing things up a bit here. One thing I did was change my shower curtain in my bathroom to this totally fun and brightly colored one. The rug is hot pink in case you can't tell.

I absolutely love it! I can't look at it and not smile, which is a good thing. I have a few more changes to make, and more pictures will be forthcoming. We're going to move some furniture around and hang up some pictures, so I'll have lots to show you. My parents are actually coming to visit this weekend. They were originally planning to help us move, but now they'll just help us with the changes and then we'll have fun hanging out. Can't wait to see them! They haven't been down here together since Thanksgiving.

Another addition to the apartment was a little electric grill (thanks Pa & Ma!!!). It's the only kind that we are allowed to have, but I LOVE it!!

Isn't it cute?? :) My first thing to cook on it was homemade hamburgers (cheeseburgers). They were delicious!

I was worried that because it was electric, the food wouldn't taste grilled, but I think because it has a lid on it that traps the smoke, that helps it taste grilled. Regardless of how it works, the food is good. I grilled chicken and veggies the other night that were fantastic. I shall become a grilling master. Mmm... :)

Much more to come soon - I will have some posts of the parentals and the changes to the apartment coming, as well as some updates on life and school. I really am enjoying living here in Florida and am excited about all that lies ahead! I shall end this post with a random picture. I took this picture during a Nor'easter my first fall in Boston. I braved the crazy wind and waves and tried not to ruin my camera taking this. I submitted it to a website asking for water pictures just for fun cuz I think it's kinda cool, so I shall leave you with this image of the glorious power of God. Have a great week!

Random Tidbits

2010-07-13T12:39:00.002-04:00

Happy 13th of July! This month is flying by....I only have about a month and a half until school starts, and I am so excited! More to come on that very soon, but for now, here are some random updates about life here in Orlando.

*My cat still makes me smile. Here she is, caught sitting on a TV tray (bad cat!), appearing to pray. Perhaps prayer to escape getting in trouble??

*My brother has been in Orlando since Thursday and I have enjoyed having a family member here for an extended period of time. It's nice to spend a week with someone without there being an event that you are getting together for. I'm also really proud of my brother. He is walking through a tough time right now but he is following God, even in the hard moments. Basically, he rocks, and I love him!

*The major league baseball All-Star game is tonight. I'm super excited to watch it! Yay for 6 Braves making the team, yay for the Braves being in first place at this point in the season, and yay for baseball in general!

*Now that I know where I'm going to be living (Nikki and I decided to stay right where we are!), I am going to do a couple of things to freshen up my living arrangements. Step number 1 is a new shower curtain. I might change color schemes. We shall see. Pictures to come at a later date! I might get curtains. I am going to get rid of some stuff and hang some stuff on the walls. Yay for change that doesn't require moving!

*Jesus loves me - and He loves you too! I know this, but sometimes I need to be reminded of this truth. And He loves me for who I am, despite all of my imperfections and inadequacies. I am learning to love me in spite of those things as well. I love Jesus too. :)

*Sometimes, no matter how hot it is outside, you need to play mini-golf. So I'm off to kick my brother's tail!! Have a great week!

Year In Review

2010-07-01T10:37:00.011-04:00

Happy July 1st! If you can believe it, a couple of days ago marked the year anniversary of when Nikki and I moved to Florida. When we drove into town on June 29th last year, I don't think either one of us had any idea of what was in store for our first year here.

We were excited about a new adventure but the adventure of this past year has been a little unlike what I expected. I guess that's pretty normal in life, but had you told me then where I would end up a year later, I might not have believed you! To celebrate my first year here in Florida, I thought I'd share with you some of the things I have learned/been reminded of while here. Enjoy!!

I Love Disney World!!
I know that this probably isn't a great surprise, but being here with Disney in my backyard has only increased my love for it. I have so enjoyed being able to go to the parks whenever I want and ride rides and see the parks decorated for holidays, etc. One would think that after going repeated times, the magic would start to wear off some, but that is not the case. No matter how many times I have gone to a park this past year, each time I drive under the "Welcome to Disney" sign or walk into a park, my heart smiles.

I Love Fireworks!
One of the perks of where Nikki and have lived this last year is that we can see the fireworks at Magic Kingdom from our balcony every night. I have enjoyed this greatly! In fact, I plan to watch the 4th of July fireworks from my balcony in a few days. Their show is amazing and I don't have to be in a crowd! Anyway, despite the fact that I can see fireworks on a nightly basis if I want to, I still love them! If I am ever driving home at night and can see them going off in the sky, I'm always like, "Oh my gosh! There are the fireworks!!!" Then I remember to pay attention and not drive off the road, but it is such a fun sight. I am a fan. :)

Rainbows Are Glorious
I have seen a good number of rainbows in the year I have lived here. I guess with the afternoon storms and abundant sunshine, conditions are right for them. God has been so kind to me though through rainbows this year as they have often appeared when I needed a reminder that He loved me and that His promises are true. He is faithful and while I know this to be true, sometimes it's nice to see a sign of His faithfulness before your very eyes.

I'd Rather Be Hot Than Cold
I loved my time in Boston. God did so much work in my life and I had an amazing group of people to share life with, lots of whom I still keep in touch with a year after leaving. I do miss seeing snow fall on occasion, but I would much rather be hot than cold! I love being able to walk outside any time of the year and do something outside whenever I want to. I love the sunshine and warmth and light. And while it's ridiculously hot outside right now, I'd rather deal with that than the freezing cold darkness.

Jesus Is Bigger Than Anxiety
My struggle with anxiety has been well chronicled on this blog, so I won't go into huge detail here. Suffice it to say that when I moved to Florida a year ago, I was still struggling very much with anxiety and panic attacks and not being able to calm down. I tried the medication route and nothing worked because I had reactions to everything, and I just remember getting to a place of being completely over everything. I was tired of the anxiety, I felt like it was never going to go away, I didn't know what to do or what to try, and I just wanted to be able to be myself. I ended up deciding to go back to counseling, and it was the best decision to make. God led me to the most fabulous counselor ever, and she has walked with me through the journey of this past year, pushing me, encouraging me, and pointing me to God as He has healed and restored and redeemed so much in my life. Through this deeper, sometimes painful healing that has taken place, the anxiety and panic attacks have faded. I still battle anxiety sometimes, but I know how to better handle it now - how to calm down - and more importantly, Who to turn to and the truth to stand firm in. The healing that God has done in my life has been one of the greatest gifts He has given me in my time here in Florida. I will be forever grateful for His gift of the right person to walk this journey with (everyone should go to counseling!!), His gift of healing, and the courage He is giving me to walk in the freedom He has given me.

I Can Still Dream
When I arrived in Florida, I think a part of me was resigned to the fact that this was my life and always would be. I was going to have to work in jobs I didn't love so I could provide for myself, and the dreams I had before were always going to remain unfulfilled dreams. Yes, this is dramatic, but it's honest. Through this year of healing though, God has shown me that not only is it okay to still dream but that He has some dreams for me that were far bigger than anything I could imagine. I never thought I'd go back to school again, but here I am a couple of months away from beginning a program that I am so excited about and feel made for. For the first time in a long time, I am able to dream about "someday" again. I don't know if God has a husband and kids in my future or not. If not, He'll be enough, but regardless, I'm able to dream about it again. And while I'm excited about the specific dreams that are being awakened in me, I'm most excited about the fact that dreaming is taking place again!

Pets Are Awesome
I have had Ellie for 6 years now, and she keeps making me smile. I am grateful for the gift of pets and the funniness that she adds to my life. She likes Florida too, and she especially likes sleeping on pillows.

Kindred Spirits Are The Best
I am so thankful for the kindred spirits God has given me through the years. I have enjoyed having Nikki as a roommate this year and seeing how God has redeemed both of our stories individually and as friends. (As an aside - we are currently looking for a new place to live, seeing how we have to be out of our apartment in a month. My last name when I was married was Harper and Nikki's was Phillips. We have some realtor people helping us look for places. So how ironic that Mr. & Mrs. Harper are helping us and we may have found a place to live in Dr. Phillips. God is sick sometimes. :P) But seriously, having Nikki to share this year with and being able to reconnect with Jenn and still having my mom as a friend....well, I'm a lucky girl.

I Love My Family
I have the greatest family ever. They have walked with me through this past year, and I have walked with them in their own stories. A lot has changed in a year for all of us, but I am so thankful for each of them and the gift it is to have your family also be some of your closest friends.

Now here we stand at the beginning of a new year in Florida, a year that is sure to hold adventures that I can't even begin to imagine. Some things are planned but most of what's ahead is unknown. Thankfully, I am a child of a very big God who loves me more than I can comprehend. No matter what this year holds, we'll walk the path together. And I can't wait to see what He has in store! Happy 4th!

Beauty Instead Of Ashes

2010-06-23T18:07:00.005-04:00

I've shared with you guys before the quote on our kitchen rug: Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass....it's about learning to dance in the rain. There are all sorts of verses and quotations that people offer when you're going through a tough time. Make lemons out of lemonade... All things work for good... Everything is made beautiful in His time, etc., etc. It's certainly not that these things aren't true, but when you're in the midst of the storm, you can sometimes want to punch the person who says that to you. Or maybe that's just the hostility in me. :)

Anyway, I am currently volunteering in the Divorce Care ministry at my church, helping lead a group of people who are in the very beginning stages of their separation/divorce. It has been a difficult, rewarding, fascinating and humbling experience so far, and we still have a couple of months to go. I have already learned a lot, and it's been interesting to go through this class this far into my journey with divorce. I actually went through the class initially as a participant several months after my divorce, and it has been a drastically different experience to go through it this time around. I watch the videos with a much different perspective, and I have been encouraged in my own journey through this time.

One of the most awesome things for me has been seeing where God has brought me. The people in my group are very raw, hurting deeply, in the deepest part of their storm. I remember being there myself. But enough time has gone by that I sometimes forget where I really did start from. I forget how much God has healed me and how far He has brought me. Then I show up on a Tuesday night and realize all over again that all of those cliches that can sound so trite really are true. He has worked all things for my good and His glory. I have learned (and am still learning) what it means to dance in the rain. My very favorite "saying" comes from Isaiah 61. This is the passage Jesus quoted when He showed up on earth to explain His purpose:

"The Spirit of the Lord God is upon me, because the Lord has anointed me to bring good news to the afflicted; He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom to the captives..." The passage goes on to say, "To comfort all who mourn...giving them beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning..."

I love that phrase, beauty instead of ashes. It's true, you know. Jesus really does take the ashes out of our lives - from whatever storms may come along - and He makes beauty. When you're in the midst of the storm, it's often impossible to believe that anything beautiful can come from it. But that's one of the coolest parts about a group like Divorce Care - I can share that hope with those in that place. Because even though it seemed impossible, God has given me beauty instead of ashes. And I am so grateful He has.

I took this picture the other day. We were having a storm - I love how you can see where the rain was actually falling. But what I love even more is how it looks like the rainbow originates from the storm itself. Such a cool picture that represents an amazing gift that God offers to us - beauty instead of ashes - sometimes even when the storm is still happening.

The Best Pa

2010-06-20T09:09:00.005-04:00

So today is Father's Day, and I'd like to take a moment to honor my dad here on my blog. I know there are a lot of people in this world who don't have great relationships with their dad, and I am so thankful and blessed that I do. My dad is a great man and has had a huge impact in the world God has placed him in, but I am most thankful for who he has been in my family. Since we are all spread out in various states and can't all be together today, we had a gift for the Pa and sent notes to him. Below is my note.... Happy Father's Day to all of you!

Dear Pa,

Happy Father’s Day! I hope that you have a great day of being celebrated and that you feel as special as you are! I wish that I could be there with you to spend the day with you, but since I can’t, I wanted to take a moment and wish you a fantastic day.

I’ve always thought you were the best dad ever, but the older I get, I appreciate you even more. As I have spent this past year looking for jobs and doing whatever I had to do to survive, I have gained a greater appreciation for the way you commuted to Atlanta for so many years, dealing with traffic and so much time on the road just so you could provide for your family. I’m happy for you that you don’t have to do that anymore! But thank you for taking care of us in so many big and little ways.

I also am thankful for the way your character has remained consistent throughout the years. You know who you are and what you believe, and you have stayed faithful to that. You have stood by God, by mom, and by us, and the integrity and honor that you live your life by is not something that is taken lightly. Thank you for being a true man of God and for showing Jesus to me.

Finally, thank you for the way that you support and encourage me and for challenging me to go after my dreams. Knowing that I have you in my corner helps give me courage to step out and take risks and try something new. I’m so excited to see what this next year holds for all of us, and it makes me smile to know that we’ll all share the journey together, no matter how far apart we may live.

Thanks for being you, Pa! You are my favorite dad ever!! ☺ Enjoy your Father’s Day and remember how much you are loved by so many.

I love you,
Tiffy Jones

Twirl On!

2010-06-07T20:45:00.008-04:00

I started this blog in 2007, when I knew I would be moving to Boston. (If you're ever bored, you should check out some of the early entries in the sidebar! :P) I have loved writing entries, sharing pictures, stories, prayer requests, things I'm learning or struggling with.... I enjoy having these last few years documented for many reasons. If I ever need to be reminded of the ways God has taken care of me, I only have to go back and look at a variety of entries. If I want to see how far I've come or how much healing has taken place, I need only read through some of the earliest things I wrote. Sometimes I blog because I want to share pictures of family hang out time, like in my entry below this. Other times I want to share a story or update you on life. And other times, I want to share something I am learning because getting it "on paper" helps me process even more. This is one of those times, so hang with me as I share.

God has been doing a lot of work in my life over this past year in dealing with performance. I have long struggled with performance issues - caring what people think, wanting to perform well for acceptance, etc. It matters to me to be thought well of, to do a great job, to be seen in a good light. I don't think there is anything wrong with wanting to do your best, but when the motivation behind that is because you're worried about how people will view you, then it becomes a problem. I do believe that God has done much work in this area of my life and that this is getting better, but it is still something I struggle with.

I feel like He is calling me to live and to love Him with absolute abandon - living fully, laying it all on the line, being fully engaged. It's easy to stand on the edge of a cliff and dream about what it would be like to jump off and fly through the air, knowing you'll be okay no matter what. It's another thing to actually take the jump. I think there's a part in all of us that wonders what might happen if we totally let go of the control we think we have and pursue God fully. What might He ask of me? What might He have in store? What might He allow - good or bad? And if I do this, what will my life look like? What will people think?

As children, we so easily trust. We live with abandon, fully engaged in life because we don't know any better. We have a joyful expectancy for what comes next, and we haven't yet learned from society that there are "rules" and cliques and things you should or shouldn't do to be cool.

I love the expression of innocent fun and the thumb on the hip. I knew I was loved!

I loved dressing like a cat!

I remember this outfit. It was my favorite one in elementary school and I thought I was SOOO cool wearing it. I'm slightly embarrassed to post it now! :)

My point in all of this is this: When does this perception and attitude that we have as children change? When do we start to notice and care what others think? For some, this happens earlier than for others. But regardless of when, we all make it to adulthood and start caring a lot more about others' opinions of us. Perhaps we hide some of the deepest parts of ourselves for fear of what people would think if they knew. But what if those parts that we hide are what make us uniquely us? What if people need to know? And even if they did know and thought less of us, then so what?

I have always had the heart of a child. I love the little things about life. It doesn't take much to make me smile. There are things I still love that most people probably wouldn't understand. For example, let me introduce you to Walter. Here he is:

Walter is my very favorite stuffed animal. I got him at Christmas my freshman year in high school. This makes Walter about 16 1/2 years old. He is very loved. He has literally gone on every trip I have taken since I got him. And he is one of three stuffed animals that I still sleep with, even though I'm 32. (It's okay, people. I'm in counseling!) Seriously though.... Walter makes me smile. There's a reason that he is special to me. And I don't care if any one else understands or if there are any other adults who still have stuffed animals on their bed. He's on mine. But why is that embarrassing to admit? What about it seems "not okay"?

The Chick-fil-A that I work at is inside of a really nice mall. In the center of the mall, there is a huge open space on the lower level. Hanging from the ceiling are enormous screens where they play fashion shows or images from nature and a variety of music all day long. I was walking through the mall the other day, and they had a classical piece of music playing. There were a few kids standing in the center of the open space dancing and twirling to the music. They were oblivious to others around them, and they were just going for it. I've seen this before and it always makes my heart smile. But this time, there was a difference. Their mom was right there with them in the center of the area, twirling and dancing with them. As I watched them, I wasn't thinking about how dumb she looked or wondering what in the world she was thinking. It was one of the most awesome scenes to watch. And yet how many of us would have been willing to throw caution to the wind and twirl around in a mall?

I felt like God gave this to me as a picture of what He calls us to. He has made each of us a wonderful and unique creation. When we live fully engaged, fully alive, pursuing Him wholeheartedly, He is made famous. When we let go of the things which trap us - the fears that keep us in hiding, everyone benefits. And God is glorified. It is my prayer that God will continue His work in my life in this area - that I will be able to live fully in freedom, not letting my performance or what others think be what dictate my actions. And I would challenge you to also examine your life, looking at the gifts that God has given you - the things that make you uniquely you. Is there anything you aren't offering because of what might happen if you do? However it might look in each of our lives, let's twirl on - for the sake of the Kingdom and for freedom in this life!

A Visit To GA

2010-06-04T12:55:00.018-04:00

Greetings to the faithful readers of my blog! :) I am sitting on my couch writing this blog before I have to head to work at 4. I have worked a ton of hours in the past few days and I am so tired! But I am thankful for the opportunity to work and be able to pay some bills. That is always a good thing!

So last weekend I got to spend a few days in Georgia, hanging out with some of my favorite people ever. Michael and Bekah had their GA reception, and it was so much fun to be a part of! With all of us living in different states, I find that I enjoy having the chance to spend time with my family even more, especially when we all have opportunity to be together at the same time. The reception was a great chance to catch up with a lot of family and friends - it was very nice to see all of you! :)

At one point I was looking around the room at the people who had gathered and I realized how many of you I have known for most of my life. I know people move around a lot more now and so I think lifelong friends are perhaps harder to come by. But I was quite thankful to see how many people have been a part of my life and my family's life for so many years. You guys have stuck by us through great times and tough times, and I personally am so thankful for your encouragement and prayers and the ways you have walked with me through this journey of the last few years.

And now some pictures from the weekend....I don't have a ton to share because I was so busy talking (shocking, I know!) that I didn't get a lot of pictures of those of you who came. I apologize for that, but know that we loved having each one of you there! Here is our new family (with some random child on the stairs!)...

Bekah's parents flew down for the reception, and it was great to see them again. My brother got very lucky with some fantastic in-laws!!

Jenn happened to be passing through town and was able to stop by with her cute girl. Yay for friends who met in GA, now live close by in Florida AND happen to be 3rd cousins!!

A few of those lifelong friends....thanks for all of your help! :)

Close friends of Michael's from high school/college...

After the reception for Michael & Bekah, we had a family cookout to celebrate Matthew's 30th birthday and to celebrate my parents' 34th wedding anniversary, which happened to be on that day. It was fun to have a relaxing evening enjoying hamburgers and hotdogs and celebrating. This is a picture after Matthew had just extinguished the candles on his cake.

Finally, in a perfect ending to a great weekend, we got to go to the Braves game on Sunday. I was so excited! It's been awhile since I've been to a Braves game, and even though I got to experience the awesomeness of Fenway Park on a regular basis while living in Boston, let's face it....I'm a psycho Braves fan through and through! (And on a side note, let's have a moment of silence for the fact that we are in first place by 3 games at the moment!!!!)

Here I am before the game. And yes, I added curls to my hair while in GA. I decided that if I am going to live in the FL heat and humidity and have to wear my hair up all the time for the Chick, I'm going to have a little fun with it. I think curly hair fits my personality too. :)

Here are my cute parents.

I don't think we have yet converted Bekah to being a baseball fan. She was still a good sport though!

Me and my favorite Pa

After the game, we went to the Varsity for some delicious food!

Here is Bekah experiencing her first Varsity food and Lindsay trying to eat healthy at a place known for grease.

So all in all, a most fantastic weekend! Thanks again to all of you for being a part of the celebration and for loving our family well. More to come soon! In the meantime, have a great weekend!

SCHOOL!

2010-05-23T19:54:00.005-04:00

Greetings and salutations from the Sunshine State! Hope this post finds you well. Today marked the last day of a job Nikki and I both had taking photos of newborns at hospitals here in Orlando. The job itself wasn't that bad - I enjoyed the cute little newborns when they weren't crying, pooing themselves, not cooperating, etc., and I learned a lot. I'm not afraid of babies and can dress them really fast now! :) Anyway, no money was made at this job, so it was time to move on. To celebrate the ending, we went to Magic Kingdom, where it was quite crowded and hot, so we rode 2 rides and came home. But we specifically went to ride my very favorite ride - Splash Mountain - and it was so fun! I love that ride!! :)

As awesome as Disney is, (and even though I've been living here almost a year, my heart still smiles whenever I get to a park!) this post is not about Disney. It is to let you know about some decisions I have been making regarding school and the near future. So here goes!

In previous posts, I have mentioned my desire to go back to school to get my Masters in Counseling. As time has gone by, this desire continues to grow, and I am truly excited to get started. I had applied to two schools here in Orlando - one is a seminary and one is a Christian school, but not a seminary. Both have excellent programs, but the programs look very different. My personal preference at the beginning of this process was to go to the seminary, but from the beginning, I have been asking God to lead the way. I know He sees the bigger picture and as I can only see what is right in front of me, I asked that He open and close the necessary doors so that I would end up where He knew I needed to be, even if it was for reasons I didn't know. And He has done just that! In ways that I never would have predicted, He has made it very clear what the next path for me is. Therefore, I am excited to announce that I will be starting my classes at the end of August and am an official student at....

...Palm Beach Atlantic University, here in Orlando! One of the perks of this school is that the classes are at night, so I can work during the day to continue to pay my bills and then go to school at night so that I can get my degree to pursue what I really want to do. I was also offered a full time job at Chick-fil-A! I will continue doing their marketing for them but then also work as a manager to make up 40-45 hours a week. This will allow me to pay my bills but also give me the flexibility to attend school and do what I need to do with that. God has definitely provided with this job, and I am very thankful!

Not gonna lie - never thought I'd end up back at the Chick one day, but I am very excited that I can make enough to live while going to school at the same time. I'm having some fun with it too. I figure if I have to wear a ponytail everyday, then I'm going to have some fun ribbons to put in my ponytails. Here are a few samples... :)

There will be many more posts to come regarding school, but I wanted to let you all know what I am up to. Thank you for your prayers over this last year. It's been a crazy journey, but I feel like I am exactly where I am supposed to be and am looking forward to moving into this next chapter and seeing what God has in store. I'll keep you posted! For now, have a great week!

Happy Birthday!

2010-05-20T11:08:00.006-04:00

Greetings! So I have some exciting and cool news to share with you regarding grad school and decisions and plans made.... BUT you will have to check back for that blog in the next couple of days. Because today, my blog is dedicated to my fabulous brother Matthew who turns 30 today!

I know I'm 32, but I don't really feel "old" until I start thinking about the fact that I now have a brother in his 30's as well. That's crazy to me! It seems like only yesterday that we were kids, playing together all of the time, having a blast and enjoying life together. In some ways we haven't changed, and in others, we're all totally different. Take a look at the physical difference... :)

Hahaha....I have always loved being a big sister. I adored my brothers when we were kids, I have been thankful for their protection and care as they looked out for me, and I love that we are friends as adults.

And so brother Matthew, on this May 20, 2010, let me be the first to welcome you to the 30's club! I am excited to see what your 30's will hold for you. You will be starting your own family, and I can't wait to be an active participant in your lives as God continues writing your story. I can't wait to see you be a dad and watch you love your family well. I look forward to being Aunt Midge. :) You are an amazing man, and I am so proud of you and all you have done and accomplished in your life. But mostly I'm proud of who you are. You are a man of integrity, honor, and dignity. You love well and tenderly. You see others and their hurts, and it makes you hurt. You are a gifted coach who knows how to bring out the best in kids without beating them up. You are a great brother! And I am honored and thankful to be your big sister.

Happy 30th! May this next year be your best yet, and may God's richest blessings pour out on you this year and in the years to come. I love you!

Jesus Loves Me

2010-05-11T14:30:00.008-04:00

Hi everyone. I'm writing this blog post 40,000 feet in the air as I fly back to Orlando from a weekend spent in the Great White North. I know it's been awhile since I last wrote, and I think I shall stop apologizing for the length between my posts. Just know that when I have something to share, I'll write about it! :) Anyway, I was in Boston for Michael's graduation from seminary (YAY brother!!) and enjoyed a lovely visit with family and friends. I have lots of thoughts in my head that I shall try to share with all of you...

First of all, I love flying into Boston. When I arrived in Boston three years ago, I had no idea what I was doing. I remember waking up one day and suddenly realizing that I was in a new place and wasn't entirely sure how I had gotten there. Even in the fog of figuring out what was next, God was so faithful to provide me with a safe place to begin the healing process, surrounded by His magnificent creation and awesome people to walk the journey with. And though I have been gone for almost a year now, every time I fly into Boston my heart smiles. I think it will always hold a piece of my heart because it's where God met me in amazing ways, and I can't help but think about all that He did whenever I find myself back there.

I believe God shows Himself to us in big and small ways each day that we live...it's just that we often miss what He is showing us because we're too busy or not paying attention or resigned to the way that life is. But you can't see sights like this (and the other images in this post that I took this weekend) and not be aware of God.

I don't think it's an accident that God allowed me to live in a place for the first two years after my divorce where I would regularly encounter moments that took my breath away as I stood in awe at His majesty, power and grace, surrounded by the beauty of what He has made. And each time I am back in that place, I have an "oh duh" moment... "Okay God, You know what You're doing....thanks for the reminder." :)

As I have spent the last year in Florida, God has continued the healing process in me. But this year of healing has looked different. It's been healing on a much deeper level and in some ways more painful than initial healing. And honestly, I have wrestled with God for most of this year as He has taken me to places I didn't want to go and revealed areas in my life that need to be examined and offered to Him for transformation. This is not always an enjoyable process, and I still find myself kicking and screaming through this desert portion of my journey. Thankfully, God is patient and kind and loves me anyway. I am most grateful for this!

One of the things that has been difficult for me is not being afraid to be myself - to be exactly who God has made me to be, with no apology. When someone has left you - especially a person who was never supposed to do so - it creates a fear that if you aren't "good enough" or don't keep people happy or mess up, etc., someone else might leave. I admit that this is a stressful way to live because you end up trying to perform for love instead of just resting in it. I struggle with performance anyway, so add this to that, and well....it's not a pretty picture.

But have no fear - God is working on me with this very issue right now in my life, and being in the Great White North this weekend reminded me of something very simple and yet very profound. He loves me. He created me with the same care that He made His beautiful creation. And He loves me. Forever. No matter what.

I was filling out a scholarship application for grad school the other day and had to write a brief description of myself. It's actually interesting to try to write an honest description of yourself in a limited space. What do you say? How do you describe yourself to someone who has never met you? Below is an excerpt from what I wrote...

"MercyMe wrote a song quite a few years ago called Undone. I feel that the first verse and chorus of this song is a great place to start a description of me…

No apologies for who I’m meant to be
The only thing that matters is that I am free
When I am overwhelmed, holding pieces of my heart
When I feel my world start to fall apart

To the cross I run, holding high my chains undone
Now I am finally free
Free to be what I’ve become
Undone

These last few years have truly undone me. I have experienced very dark nights, the miraculous healing power of Christ and everything in between. I have clung to God as He breathed for me when I didn’t care if I ever breathed again, and I have wrestled with Him over what He has allowed and at times where I now find myself. I have depended on others in new ways and have never wanted to trust anyone again. I have rested in indescribable peace and battled anxiety. I have been afraid to be who I have been made to be for fear of someone else leaving, and I have enjoyed rediscovering exactly how God has made me to be. Dreams have shattered but new dreams have awakened, and I find myself excited about all that God has for me in this journey.

So who am I? I’m just an ordinary girl made extraordinary by the love and grace of Jesus. I have the heart of a child and enjoy maintaining a sense of awe and wonder at the magnificent world that surrounds us. I find joy in simple things, I love baseball, music, fun socks, wearing ribbons with a ponytail, ice cream and Disney World. I have the best family in the world, great friends, I have a cute cat, and I’m passionate about seeing other people discover the true freedom we have in Christ. I am nothing apart from Christ, and even in wrestling with God at times, I know at the end of the day when I lay my head on my pillow that He loves me and I am His."

When I was a kid, my brothers and I sang the song "Jesus Loves Me" all the time. I don't think I fully grasped then the magnitude of what I was singing. "Jesus loves me, this I know. For the Bible tells me so..." I believed it because Jesus said it. But now as an adult, struggling with trust, it's much harder to just accept at face value that Jesus loves me. We all have these arguments..."yeah but if you knew what I did.....but He let this happen to me....but I have been struggling with my belief in Him....but I'm scared and confused and not sure".... or whatever your personal argument might be. Regardless of all of that, Jesus loves me (and you!). The Bible says so. The end. :)

So as this healing journey continues and new adventures abound, this is where I find myself...relearning to rest in the simple fact that Jesus loves me, just as I am - crazy sock wearing, Disney loving, ribbons in my hair and all . To help me remember, you just might find me singing this song a whole lot in the coming days. Sing the chorus with me, will you?

Yes, Jesus loves me
Yes, Jesus loves me
Yes, Jesus loves me
For the Bible tells me so!

Updates

2010-04-14T20:06:00.006-04:00

Hi everyone! It's time for a bloggy update. Lots has happened here lately, as is usually the case. I spent this past weekend at Reformed Theological Seminary, going through the final stage of their application process. I got to take a tour of the campus and hear all about their Masters of Counseling program, as well as have 2 group interviews and 2 individual interviews. The weekend concluded with all of us taking a psychological personality test. It was very intensive but really cool as well. I walked away being more sure than ever that I definitely want to go into counseling. I should find out if I am accepted in about 2 weeks. They only have 20 spots to fill and just because they have that many to fill doesn't mean all spots will be offered. They work really hard to put the right group of people together and want to choose people they feel are ready for the program. So we'll see! I will definitely let you all know when I do find out. I have also applied at another school that offers classes at night, and once I hear from the seminary, I will have to make some decisions. The financial side of things is obviously a huge piece of this - not only the cost of school but also how to go to school and still be able to pay bills. It will be interesting to see how things play out.

When I was in Massachusetts for Michael's wedding, I managed to sneak in a quick visit to the rocks and ocean where I spent so much time when I lived there. It truly is so beautiful there, and I can't help but see God in the magnificence of His creation. The rest of my post shall have some of the favorite pictures I took while there. :)

It was really cool to be back by my ocean for a little while and just remember all the ways that God took care of my heart while I was there. One of the things I realized during my time in MA is that beauty can be found in every season of life. Even when it's winter and everything is dark and stark, beauty still resides.

There is a lot happening in life right now that is unknown. It helps to remember the faithfulness of God and how He has cared for me in so many different ways these last years. Even though I am anxious at times about the future, I am excited because I know that Jesus has plans for me that I can't even begin to imagine.

I will keep you posted in the coming days as life continues to unfold! And I would appreciate your prayers along the way. :)

Queen Ellie

2010-04-02T18:18:00.008-04:00

Happy Good Friday to you all! I know we are all thankful for the darkest day in history so that the best day could be made possible. Thank you God for your unimaginable gift.

In other news, I thought I'd just share some fun pictures with you this evening. My cat cracks me up. I have had her for almost six years now, and for those of you who have pets yourself, you know how they become part of the family. Things that other people might think are crazy don't even make you blink. At the risk of adding to the number of people who think I'm crazy, here is the zaniness that is my cat.

Ellie loves people and loves being close to people. At night, she doesn't just sleep at the foot of the bed or lay nicely beside you. She likes to sleep on a pillow. Preferably yours. Curled around your head. Sometimes eating your hair. This is not conducive to a good night's sleep. And trust me, I have pushed her off repeatedly and tried all sorts of things to no avail. I would lock her out of my room but I'm afraid she would meow loudly, at which point my roommate might follow through on her threat to punt her over the balcony.

So....how is this problem solved? By giving Ellie her very own pillow! She is so happy to have it. She sleeps on it at night. She sleeps on it during the day. She sits on it when she is feeling queenly, which is quite often. Here are some pictures to prove this...

Yes, I may have issues, but at least I am sleeping better at night! And now that the weather is nicer and we have had the windows open, Ellie is also spending time on her perch. She is a fan of the Florida breeze...

Speaking of nice weather, we are having temps in the low 80's, and it is absolutely awesome outside. Everything is in full bloom, which is beautiful, but allergy inducing as well. My head does not like whatever is creating pollen right now, but at least there are lovely things to look at. This is a picture from downtown Orlando that I took the other day. I have never seen bright yellow flowers on trees like this before, but they are everywhere and quite pretty!

Well, I must go for now but I hope you enjoyed seeing some fun pictures. More to come soon. Next weekend is a big weekend with a lot of interviews at the seminary I have applied to. I also have some other pictures to share with you from Massachusetts. For now, I must go watch the Braves spring training game. Can't wait for opening day!! Have a great weekend, and Happy Easter!

The Reception

2010-03-25T18:06:00.023-04:00

And now for the long awaited reception post! After a most beautiful wedding, we went to a lovely country club that overlooked a golf course and the ocean. It was quite pretty! The weather was absolutely gorgeous too - a greater answer to prayer than was asked for, as we had highs in the low 70's (we were praying for 50's). Being that warm is very unusual in the Great White North in March!

With every wedding I have ever been a part of, there has always been something that "goes wrong". In a day filled with details, 100% of them don't usually go right. Michael and Bekah's "moment" just happened to involve the Gloucester fire department. They decided to get married at 10:00 in the morning because they wanted to have a brunch reception. As part of that brunch, there was a "make your own omelet" station.

Now there actually was a cook provided from the club - it wasn't like they just turned us all loose to make our own. However, the pans just so happened to be right under a smoke detector. So when the nice cook man started cooking the omelets and it got a little smoky, the fire alarm went off. It was loud. It did not stop. Lots of parents had to go outside with their small children who were screaming because the noise hurt their ears. In the meantime, the bridal party had gotten our food first and we were quite hungry. So we all kept eating. And the alarm kept ringing. LOUDLY. We kind of wondered what was taking it so long to stop. Turns out the guy who works at the club who has the key to turn it off wasn't there. About 15 minutes in, with the alarm still blaring, 2 firetrucks and an emergency response vehicle drive up. Firemen with axes come into the reception.

They realize we are not in grave danger, so they allow the bride and groom to have a little fun.

The firemen leave, with lots of well wishes for the bride and groom. And just in case the club didn't get the message that you shouldn't cook omelets under a smoke detector, the fire alarm goes off again about 45 minutes later. Thankfully the club man with the key is there this time and it gets shut off immediately. And that is why the fire department showed up at the reception!

Michael and Bekah did not have a wedding cake. Neither of them like cake, so they decided to not have one and have donuts instead. Here they are feeding each other a donut...

Now what follows is a bunch of people pictures. These are some of our favorite people in the whole world! I have not edited these pictures yet, but I wanted to go ahead and get this post up, so you get the unedited version for now. These first ones are the Freemans and Brays - lifelong friends and family!

Michael invited a couple of the neighbors we had when he and I lived together in Gloucester. Here they are...

The pastor and his wife of the church my parents are a part of were able to come, which was awesome. I worked with Ellis at West Ridge, and it's always great to get caught up with them!

Here is a picture of Matthew and Lindsay, who enjoyed seeing this wedding and dreaming about their own, which will be in September of this year.

Finally, here is a picture of me and one of my fabulous Massachusetts friends, Jen, and my favorite Massachusetts 6 year old!

A few last tidbits, and then we will close this very long blog! For some reason, years ago a tradition was started where the bride and groom get mooned as they leave their reception. My brother has been right in the middle of most of those moonings, so of course he was not about to be left out of this tradition! Here are the culprits who got Michael and the unsuspecting Bekah as they drove away...

As Michael and Bekah left, it was clear to see their excitement! They headed to Cabo for a week, where they can enjoy warmth and sunshine, Michael can celebrate his 28th birthday, and they can have a great start to their new life together.

I have a couple more blogs to put up from Massachusetts, but they are not wedding related. Stay tuned for those... But for the moment, this concludes the wedding blogs, and I hope you have enjoyed sharing the story of a most fantastic celebration! Have a great weekend!

The Wedding

2010-03-23T22:31:00.003-04:00

I know you are all eagerly awaiting a new wedding post. :) Want lots of hits on your blog? Just have pictures everyone wants to see! Haha.... Seriously though, I am just as excited to share wedding stories and pictures with you as you are to receive them. I know you really want to see pictures of the bride and groom and see how beautiful and handsome they were on their special day. And you want to hear all about the fire department showing up at the reception. I promise, all of these things are coming. But this is my blog. And writing these posts is just as much for me as it is for you. So before we get to the reception and lots of pictures, I have to talk about the wedding. Because it was awesome!

I'm gonna be honest....I haven't really enjoyed any wedding that I have been to in the last 3+ years. It is just really hard to listen to people say vows that were said to you and then broken. In some ways, it almost makes your own experience feel very cheap. A lot of people asked me this weekend if this wedding was hard for me to be a part of. I can honestly say that it wasn't hard for me - it was an honor to watch it all unfold. I am thrilled for my brother and Bekah and couldn't be more excited for them. It doesn't bother me that my baby brother is married and I'm not. I'm not mad because he married a great girl and is part of a fantastic new family. I am thankful for God's provision for them both.

I loved every minute of the wedding ceremony. It was sweet and rich and full of promise and God's truth about what marriage is really all about. And with where I was standing, I had a perfect view of Michael's face. I wish I had a camera with me to capture the way he looked, but I know I will never forget it. I watched my brother understand the importance of the vows he was saying to the woman he loves. I watched him cry as he said his vows. I watched his eyes soften, I saw his joy....I realized that my little brother is a man. He is a husband now, and I can't wait to see all that God has in store for him and his new bride.

Were there moments that pricked my heart? Of course. I had someone look at me the same way Michael looked at Bekah and make those promises to me. I still grieve that loss. I grieve what isn't. But I grieve in healing and in hope. And I know how to pray for my brother and his wife. I know how to encourage them. I know God is real. No matter what my own story holds, I saw a new glimpse of God's love this weekend, and I am thankful He gave me a front row seat.

The Wedding Rehearsal

2010-03-22T18:36:00.016-04:00

Hi everyone! I know you are all interested in seeing pictures from the wedding, so I'll do my best to get a few posts up this week so you can see everything. I am back in Florida after having an amazing time in the Great White North, where we actually had the most glorious weather for the wedding festivities. The wedding day temp was actually 72, which was quite nice! Anyway, here are some pictures and stories from the rehearsal and rehearsal dinner.

As you will find at any rehearsal, there is a lot of standing around. We had fun though and laughed a lot. This is the wedding party, minus me since I was taking the picture.

As Bekah practiced walking down the aisle, Michael was goofing off and pretending to faint. It's hard to see in this picture, but Matthew caught him as he "fell".

Bekah was trying not to cry as she came down the aisle, but most of the bridesmaids were crying, which made her cry. In this picture though, she was just excited to see Michael. Or perhaps trying really hard not to cry! :)

As part of the ceremony, all the parents came up front. My parents were asked "who gives this groom", along with Bekah's parents being asked who gives the bride. It was actually really cool to see. Might have to copy that some day...

Here is a cute picture of my parents as they watched the proceedings.

After they were finished with the bridal party and going over the parts of the ceremony, I climbed on top of a table to get a few pictures. This is one of my favorite pictures from the entire weekend. I love the look of excitement and anticipation and love on Michael and Bekah's faces. It makes my heart smile.

Here's a sneak peek to a wedding picture....similar looks on the faces!

Here's another of my favorite pictures from the rehearsal, but I have to share a bit of the story behind it. Bekah actually liked my brother for a couple of years before they started dating. She thought he was a really solid guy and was interested in getting to know him but had a very hard time getting past the fact that he wore orange crocs. After they started dating, it became quite the joke, so of course my brother had to wear them for the rehearsal. This picture is a great insight into who they are as individuals. :)

Now on to the rehearsal dinner. We brought the south to the Great White North and had a southern cookout. Thankfully the weather was nice, as we grilled hotdogs and hamburgers and had all the fixings. We even brought in bottled cokes to go with the sweet tea and lemonade and had cute little "picnic tables" for folks to sit at.

It was fun to see everyone try different things. My friend Joanna, originally from Canada, had never had a chili dog before. Here she is taking a bite of her very first one. She is now a fan!

The one request Michael had for the dinner was that I make homemade banana pudding for dessert. Thanks to help from a couple of awesome ladies, we made four, and they were delicious! We had moon pies to go along with them, but those weren't quite as popular. As one of the southern groomsmen said, we're not sure why people eat them so much in the south - they aren't really all that good!

I think that is enough for now! I'll put a post from the wedding day up soon. It was a really great wedding and a special time was shared. And just like all weddings have some sort of story that happens, this one did too! More pictures to come soon, as well as the explanation of how the fire alarm went off and why the fire department showed up at the reception!!!

Gators

2010-03-14T21:55:00.005-04:00

I know, I know. I'm a horrible blogger! I apologize because I know that by not blogging, you are less apt to read my blog, assuming nothing new is there. I have decided there are a couple of reasons for my lack of blogging. One reason is that I don't have tons of pictures right now to share with you. I used to blog a lot because I took a lot of pictures and wanted to post them. I don't like posting many blogs that are just words, so there are fewer now. I'll try to get better about taking pictures! Another reason that I haven't blogged much is because sometimes you just don't have a lot to say. For those of you who know me well, I know that is a shocker. :) But I am processing through so much in life right now that I don't know how to get it on paper. I will someday though, and I'm sure you'll be waiting with anticipation for that day. :)

For now, I thought I'd share a little fun story for the few of you who might still be reading. I live in Florida now, and there are many gators here. If there is a pond around, you can pretty much guarantee that there will be a gator living somewhere in it. We have several of these ponds in our apartment complex where we live. Nikki and I have now seen 4 gators in different ponds around here. So far, they are babies - cute and (we hope) relatively harmless. They appear something like this...

They might actually be a little bigger than that, but so I don't have nightmares, let's pretend they are always this cute and tiny. Here is another picture of the alligator that lives in the pond behind my balcony.

You have to look closely, but you should be able to pick him out in the grass by the water. This is Alan the alligator. Yes, we named them all. :) The other gators in our complex live in different ponds. We named one Samson and one Oscar. Today, we were driving home from church, and we passed Samson's pond. It was a lovely sunny day, so he was out sunning himself on the grass. And next to him was another gator! He has a friend!! So of course we named that one Delilah. :) Yes, we have issues, but at least we live a jolly life!!

I hope you have enjoyed my gator story. As a reminder, always run in a zigzag pattern if chased by a gator - he can't catch you that way. Here's hoping our gators stay tiny and don't chase anyone. Although if they want to eat the dogs that live below us, I won't mind.

This week we are counting down to Michael and Bekah's wedding!! Only six days to go! I am super excited, and I know they are too. I am heading up to Boston on Wednesday, so there will be many posts to come because I will be taking many pictures! Hope you all have a great week!

A Weekend With The Sibs

2010-02-25T18:19:00.008-05:00

So Michael is getting married 3 weeks from Saturday - CRAZY!!! Instead of having a bachelor weekend, he decided he wanted to come to Florida, have Matthew join us, and have a weekend with the siblings in the sun. We had lots of fun hanging out and laughing and enjoying "one last gathering" with just the 3 of us. We all understand that life will be changing forever for our family - and most certainly in a good way - but it was nice to have a special time together. We laid by the pool for an afternoon, which was glorious, and then Matthew and I took Michael out for dinner to talk about his upcoming marriage, encourage him, and give him a fun gift. I can't post pictures of what we gave him, but let's just say we hoped to add some fun and laughter to his honeymoon! :)

On Sunday, we spent the day at Epcot, and it was great fun. Here are a couple of pictures from when we were riding Test Track.

And just because I love my brothers, here are a couple more pictures of us!

Aww....I had a blast with the brothers. I am so proud of the men they have become and look forward to seeing all that lies ahead for them both as they begin these next chapters in their lives.

In other news, I have fully applied at Reformed Theological Seminary, and I just found out that I have been invited to a review weekend in April. That weekend will be a weekend of individual and group interviews as they determine who they want to invite to be in this year's new class. I should know one way or the other by the end of April if I have been accepted there. I am also in the process of applying at another school - Palm Beach Atlantic University, and once I get all of the stuff completed for there, I will know very quickly if I have been accepted there. Once those things are known, I will have to make a decision about which school and figure out the financial piece of it. We'll see what happens, and I'll keep you posted!

I also have a new part time job. I am working as the marketing director for a Chick-fil-a store in a local mall. I am very excited about this new position and am now trying to find another part time job to fill in the gaps of time and money. More to come on all of this soon! Hope you all have a great weekend!

February Greetings

2010-02-16T15:18:00.008-05:00

Hi everybody! I have lots of thoughts swirling around in my head and much to update you on. We'll see how much makes it into this blog and how much will be reserved for future blogging. First of all, I am now 32! :) I had a great birthday and felt very loved and cherished. It's sometimes nice to hear from people that you matter to them, and my birthday was a great day of celebration and fun. My mom ended up getting to stay and visit for 9 days because of the horrible snowstorms in Baltimore, so that was an unexpected blessing of time together, and we made the most of it! We got to go to Disney and visit schools and hang out, and it was great. She has most of the pictures on her camera that I have to get from her, but here are a couple.

Ellie loved having Grandma here - she was very spoiled by all the attention!

On the day my mom flew back to Baltimore, she and Nikki and I met Jenn and Bella for a brunch, and it was a lovely time of hanging out with the girls.

As I mentioned in a previous post, I am seriously considering going back to school to get a Masters in Counseling. I am super excited about this possibility, as I feel that God has been preparing me for this for quite some time and that these past few years were a necessary thing to go through in order to be ready for something like this. I am looking at a couple of schools in the area, and I have been able to visit both campuses and learn as much info as possible about each program. There is a part of me that can't believe I am considering the option of going back to school - it's been a LONG time since I've been in an academic setting! And yet the other part of me can't really imagine not doing it at this point. In some ways I feel as if I have been made for this and my journey through life to this point has been for this specific purpose. You can be praying for me if you'd like as I walk through this process and make decisions. Obviously I have to be accepted into a program and finances would certainly be an issue to work through. I want to make a wise choice and I want to be exactly where God needs me. There will be many more posts coming about this in the future and I will certainly keep you posted!

This weekend, both of my brothers are coming into town, and I can't wait! In lieu of a bachelor party weekend, Michael decided he wanted to have a "weekend with the sibs" in the warm sun, so we're all gathering here to hang out and have some time with just the three of us before he gets married. We're all really excited and can't wait to have some time together! I love the fact that my brothers are my friends. :) I'll be sure and post some pictures from the weekend.

Nikki and I have found a church that we really like and are looking forward to getting further involved and expanding our world here. Having a community to share life with is so important, and while I am super thankful for her friendship, I know we are both excited about getting to know new people and making some new friends.

Spring training is just around the corner and I am SO EXCITED!!!! I will definitely be attending a few games since they'll be played right down the street from me, and I am looking forward to the upcoming baseball season. Pitchers and catchers report this weekend, and it's such a fun time. The start of baseball season reminds me that hope springs eternal, you never know what might happen, and spring is coming! I love the warmth, the game, and the fabulous sound of the crack of the bat as it hits the ball! :)

These past few years have been an amazing journey for me - the hardest thing I have ever walked through. I hope to put some of my ponderings "on paper" soon to share with each of you who have had a hand in walking with me through this time. I will say, as we come up on the 3 year mark of when life changed for good....I am truly thankful for all that God has allowed to shatter in my life because He has used it to bring me to where I am today. And I wouldn't change that. Spring really is coming - it's just about here!

A Quick Update!

2010-02-05T13:19:00.003-05:00

Hey everyone! My birthday is on Sunday (yay for birthdays, and on Super Bowl Sunday no less!!!), and my mom is in town to celebrate with me, and we're about to head out the door for some shopping fun. Lots has been happening in the last week or two in my life that needs to be shared, so for now I thought I'd give you a very quick update with "teasers"... More info to come on all of this in the coming days!
• My temp job unexpectedly ended this past Monday. No warning at all, and it is no more.
• I currently have no job! But I have had some interviews and have a couple next week and am hopeful something will work out.
• I am seriously considering going back to school. Yep, crazy thought that it is! I have applied to one school already and am visiting that and another school next week. For what, you might ask? Well, much more to come on this soon, but I'm looking at a Masters in Counseling degree.
• I am very excited about the possibilities that God has in store in the coming weeks and months.
• I have NO IDEA what anything will look like! :)
• I have the most splendid roommate!
• My brothers are coming for a visit in a couple of weeks!! So are my Gloucester pastor and his wife and family. Yay for sharing Disney!
• IT IS ALMOST MY BIRTHDAY!!! :) :) :)

The end for now.

On Sunshine And Snot

2010-01-26T10:52:00.002-05:00

Greetings, faithful readers of the blog! Thought it was time for a blog facelift. Do you like it? I am sitting on my balcony in the sunshine in shorts and a t-shirt while I type this, and can I just say it is completely glorious?? Temps in the mid-60's, and beautiful blue skies and sunshine that is warm but not too hot....some of the many reasons I love living here! My cat really likes it too. She would live out on the balcony right now if I let her. :)

As far as the snot part of my blog title goes, yes, I have a cold. It's a pretty bad one, too. Very annoying and hard to breathe, and I wonder how one body can produce so much nastiness?! :) I usually get a couple of colds like this a year, and I know it's only January, but I'm counting this as my spring cold. It's spring-like outside, right? Besides, colds are going around here right now, so I'm going to say this is definitely a spring cold and hope I don't get another one in March or April!

In my latest counseling assignment, I am supposed to be coming up with a "life plan". What are my life goals? And then working from that, what steps can I take to achieve those goals? Obviously some things are out of my control, but what am I going to do about the things that are in my control? I think we are all often guilty of sitting around talking about what we want to do or where we hope we end up in life, but then it stops there and nothing happens beyond that. I am being challenged to take action - put my money where my mouth is, and go and do the things I say I want to do. And if I don't go and do them, then do I really want to do those things? I'm about to celebrate my birthday in less than 2 weeks (yay for birthdays!!!), and I want this next year to be one of being proactive - not sitting around waiting for life to happen to me. Lots to ponder.... I don't know about you, but I don't want to get to the end of my life and wonder "what if?" I don't want to have undone a bunch of things I wished I'd tried but just never got around to doing it.

So perhaps in 2010, we can all become a little more action-oriented. What has God put on your heart? Think about that and if you know, then go and do it! Be courageous and see where He leads. And at the end of this year, we can all compare notes about how our lives have changed because we took action. I'm excited to see what is in store!

And now excuse me....I must go blow my nose! Love you all!

Weddings And More

2010-01-18T10:08:00.004-05:00

Greetings from finally warm again Sunshine State! For a couple of weeks, I feared that the Great White North had followed me here, as we went through an extremely cold time. I never thought I'd actually need my puffy in Florida, but I did! Now, we are back in the low 70's, with lots of sunshine, and I am enjoying every minute of it. I love being able to wear flip flops pretty much year round!!

Anyway, updates on life.... As most of you probably know by now, Matthew asked Lindsay to marry him on Saturday, and she said yes! So we will be adding two new members to our family this year - Bekah in March, and Lindsay in June! We are all very excited, and it should be a fun time over these upcoming months. I for one am so proud of Matthew and the person he has developed into, and I am excited to watch him enter into this next season of life. I took pictures for them as a Christmas gift, but I suppose we'll have to take a few engagement pics the next time I am in town! For now, here is the happy couple!

In a recent counseling session I had, my homework assignment was to come the next week with my definition of trust and of love. Have you ever thought about that? How would you define love? Or trust? Not in a textbook way or reciting what the Bible says or using typical cliches, but how would you personally describe it? It's a lot harder than you might think to put into words - or at least it was for me. I challenge you to think about it though and see what you come up with. After thinking about it for quite some time, I ended up compromising. I see the world in pictures, and when I thought of the two words, specific images came to mind. So I ended up combining pictures and words to give a more complete definition of each word, at least for me. Here are two of the pictures I used. Which one do you think was for trust and which one for love? :)

Things are going pretty well here. I am in the interview process for a position with Chick-fil-a that would allow me to be a contract employee for them and work from here. I just submitted my official application last night, so we'll see what happens. Something has to change very soon though, as I am only working around 20 hours a week with my current temp position. I'll certainly keep you all posted!

My birthday is coming up in 3 weeks, and I am very excited to celebrate! I am looking forward to this next year of life and excited to see what God has in store. I have recently been reminded of the importance of choosing life in each moment that we face. No matter what our circumstances look like, we have the ability to choose life or death. I'm ready to choose life. :)

I will try to be a more frequent poster of blogs, but thank you for your continued prayers. Hope you all have a great week!

Reflections

2010-01-02T09:30:00.012-05:00

Greetings and Happy New Year! I always love this time of year because it gives me a chance to look back over a year and see all that has transpired, as well as look forward to a year that stands before me as a completely blank slate. There is much to share and catch you all up on, so let's get to it!

First of all, as I look back over this year, I am sometimes amazed at where God has brought me. Let's be honest - 2009 was not my favorite year, as it was a difficult one to walk through. And yet, it was also a great year because of where God has brought me. I began the year in the Great White North, with this as my reality...

I will admit that I miss the snow. I loved watching it fall and seeing what the world looked like blanketed in fresh new snow. But that is all I miss of the Great White North's winters!!!

In February, I came down to Orlando to go to Disney World for my birthday with my mom, Nikki and Jenn. We had a blast, and it was during this trip that I was secretly looking around, determining if this was where I was going to move or not. In the end, the chance to share life with my "sisters", living near Disney, and being in the warm sunshine helped me decide that this was going to be the next step in my journey.

Then March arrived, and with it, the beginning of anxiety attacks and a journey that has been unlike anything I have ever walked through. For those of you who have followed my story, you know that I have struggled with anxiety and such for most of this year. I have tried it all, including medication - none of which worked because I am so sensitive to drugs. I haven't shared much lately on this front, so let me do so now. After trying several medications, we all reached the conclusion that the drug route wasn't going to work for me. The solution? Continue on in counseling and walk through the healing that would bring. This isn't always the preferable solution because it takes longer. But in the end, it is complete because you are actually working through the anxieties and dealing with the causes of it.

God has shown me much mercy in this because He led me to a fantastic counselor who was just who I needed to walk with me through this journey. The process has been hard and difficult and continues to be so. But we are working through many layers and roots and dealing with everything, and through this, the anxiety is subsiding. You guys know that I have dealt with heart palpitations for most of the year, as that is how my body reacted to the anxiety. I might have a random palpitation here and there now, but it has been over 6 weeks since I have had a day or a night full of palpitations. That in and of itself is a miracle and is physical evidence of the continued healing God is doing in my life. I am filled with hope and anticipation at what God is up to as He continues deep healing. I am a firm believer that everyone should go to counseling, even if you think you don't need it! :)

At the end of June, Nikki and I arrived in Florida! Let's be honest - we had no idea what we were getting ourselves into! :) But we were excited to begin this new journey and see what would happen.

And now, we have lived here for 6 months. That is crazy to me! And to be honest, not much has changed. Neither of us still have permanent full-time jobs. This is a problem that must be rectified immediately if we wish to stay here and be able to eat and pay bills. We haven't found a church home that we truly connect with yet. This is also something that must change immediately. And we also must find a community of people to get plugged into and share life with. Despite all of the unknowns and the things that do need to happen, we have had a blast getting to be roommates, sharing life together, and going to Disney World as often as possible!

2009 brought other changes to our lives as a family. My parents moved to Baltimore full time. One brother got engaged. The other brother is also in a serious relationship. 2010 brings at least one wedding, changing our family forever - but for the good. It will be cool to see what God has in store in this area for all involved!

Ellie continued to be a great cat this year, and I am quite proud of how well she did driving in the car all the way from Massachusetts to Florida. She makes me smile everyday and has been quite the good sport this Christmas!

As 2009 closes, I truly am thankful for what God has brought me through and the work He has done in my life. It's really impossible to imagine what 2010 will hold, but I know He holds it, and that is enough. As I go through these next few weeks, I will pass the day that would have been my 4th wedding anniversary, I will celebrate my 32nd birthday, and I will move past the 3 year mark of when Jeff left. And when I think about who I am now compared to who I was 4 years ago, I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that God's word is true. He does use all things for our good and His glory, He does bring beauty from ashes, and He is faithful to complete the work He has begun in us all. So despite the unknowns that surround pretty much every area of my life, I know that, and it is because of Jesus that I can look forward to 2010 with great hope, expectation, and joy.

I sincerely wish all of you a very Happy New Year, and it is my hope that 2010 marks a year for us all that we experience continued growth and remain in awe at the miracles that God performs, as we celebrate the gift that each day is!

Because Sometimes You Just Need To Laugh!

2009-12-20T20:48:00.006-05:00

A couple of weeks ago, Nikki and I went to the mall when we had an afternoon to kill. We were walking through a department store that shall remain nameless when we came across a display of hats. We started trying them on and started laughing so hard that we decided we needed pictures of the occasion. Apparently the idea was catching because a few other people joined us and did the same thing. Here were a few of our favorites....

After this, we stopped in the juniors department where I saw these red pants. You can't tell from the picture, but the rips in the pants had fishnet material behind them. Of course I had to try them on....don't they look fabulous with that shirt???

Finally, I tortured my cat again with the Santa hat and thought these images were quite funny. I don't think she thought so...

I took the roommate to the airport today so she could spend Christmas in Chicago with her family. Ellie and I are hanging out until Wednesday morning when I will leave to drive to GA to meet the fam for Christmas (driving alone with my cat - hope she behaves!!). More posts to come soon. Have a great week!

The Singing Christmas Trees

2009-12-16T20:07:00.007-05:00

Greetings from the Sunshine State! I did enjoy my time living in Gloucester, but I must say that I am thankful to not be in the Great White North for another winter. The high temps are in the 20's there right now, and I am quite excited to still be able to wear short sleeves outside!!

I know I've shared in some previous blog entries about participating in the Singing Christmas Trees at First Baptist Church Orlando, but I wanted to share a few pictures with you guys so you could get a better idea of what it was like to actually be in the Trees. Here are a couple of pictures of the whole trees so you can see how tall they were.

There are several entrances on each tree - the bottom 5 rows enter from one area, and then the rest of the rows climb a ladder and scoot in to the right spot. The whole structure is built on a scaffolding system. They have boxes that you stand on if necessary so that everyone is approximately the same height. I had to stand on a 10 inch box. :) There is barely enough room for me to fit into the tree, which is crazy! Here are a couple of pictures of me and Nikki in our spots.

For the actual performances, we all wear white t-shirts and jeans, and then we wear a sparkly top that only covers the upper part of the body because that is all you see. You are also supposed to wear extra makeup so you show up in the tree and don't look too ghostly. Here we are in our capes!

I really enjoyed my time rehearsing with and performing in the Trees. It was a great experience and something I've never done before. I'm very thankful I had the opportunity to participate. It was cool to be in a choir, since I've always been on the instrumental side of things. I did get to play in the orchestra for two of the shows because one of their percussionists had to be out. It was so nice to get back in an orchestral setting and remember how much I love playing. It's been awhile....and I am grateful I had to chance to play again as well. All in all, it was a great experience and I don't think I'll ever forget what it's like to squish into a tree and be part of the decoration! :)

A week from today I'll be driving up to GA to spend Christmas with the fam. Looking forward to that! Much more to share, so keep checking in for updates. Have a great week! :)

Christmas In Florida

2009-12-12T20:08:00.015-05:00

Greetings, family and friends! I am SOOOO sorry it has been forever since I have put up a blog. There are a couple of reasons for that. The first reason is that Nikki and I have been crazy busy with the Singing Christmas Trees. We had four performances last week and have had two so far this weekend. Our last show is tomorrow, and then we'll be done! I have enjoyed the experience though, especially getting to play in the orchestra unexpectedly for two of the shows. The other reason I haven't put up many posts is because my camera bit the dust. I just had time to go see about getting it fixed a couple of days ago, only to discover that it isn't fixable. That was very sad, but I did get a new camera that I am very excited about learning how to use!!! More to come on that soon!

My whole family was here for Thanksgiving, and we had so much fun together! We had yummy food on Thanksgiving, and I even made a homemade banana pudding. It was SOOO good! Here are a couple of pictures of the masterpiece...

We also did a photo shoot with my family - Nikki was kind enough to take pictures for us. Here are a few of my favorite.

Nikki and I decorated our apartment for Christmas before my family arrived so that we could be festive for the holidays. We don't have much space, so we each have a small tree. They are so cute, and it's been awesome to be able to plug them in and enjoy the Christmasy spirit for almost a month now!

Ellie enjoys the trees too. She tries to hide under them. Here she is hanging on the back of the couch...

The weather here has been quite lovely lately, at least for the most part. We went to Disney a few days ago, wearing shorts because it was 85 degrees! Today we were sitting out on our balcony before we had to leave for the show, when we realized an alligator was sunning itself on the grass by the lake. It's hard to tell from this picture, but look for the baby gator!

I will try to write entries more often - hopefully people still read! :) - and keep you updated on what is happening. I am doing well here in Florida. I am learning so much everyday, and God continues His healing in my life. There are many decisions to make, but I am excited to see the doors that open and to be in a place in life to dream a little. Nikki and I are having a great time being roommates, going to Disney when we can, and enjoying the warmth. I will certainly keep you posted! For now, I will close this entry with a picture of my cat that I took with my new camera. Enjoy these last couple of weeks before Christmas!

Thanksgiving Fun!

2009-11-27T20:26:00.008-05:00

Happy Thanksgiving to you all! We have been having so much fun hanging out as a family. Much laughter, food, fun, and just enjoying being together. I'll post more once everyone is gone, but for now, here is a quick preview in photos.... :)

Mickey's Christmas Party

2009-11-21T12:34:00.018-05:00

Last night I had the privilege of going to the Magic Kingdom for Mickey's Very Merry Christmas Party. It was AWESOME!!!! We had such a great time, and it was so magical that you couldn't help but smile the entire night. In an unfortunate turn of events, my camera stopped working, so all of the pictures in this post are courtesy of my most fabulous and talented roommate who is sharing her photos with me so I can show you what we got to experience. Here is a picture (or many pictures!) of our evening....

When we arrived at the Magic Kingdom, it was just starting to get dark. They close the park early and only people who are attending the party are allowed to stay, so it wasn't crowded at all. We never had to wait more than 10 minutes to ride anything. Right before 7, they turned the Christmas lights on the castle on, and it was awesome! Cinderella made a wish, and her fairy godmother turned them all on. Here is the castle decked out in icicle lights...

And just because it was so pretty, here are some other pictures of the castle that we got!

Another really cool part about the Christmas party is that it snows on Main Street! It was so amazing! We had a blast standing in it and trying to take pictures. Here are a few pictures from Main Street, one showing the snow. There is also one of a quartet who were singing Christmas carols - they were great!

They had a special firework show set to holiday music, which was fun. They also had posts set up throughout the park where you could get free hot chocolate and Christmas cookies. Because it wasn't crowded, Nikki and I got to ride Dumbo. It's one of the most popular rides there, and the lines are always so long. It was really fun! Here are a couple of pictures from our ride.

Towards the end of the night, they had a Christmas parade, and that was a lot of fun to watch. Here are some fun pictures from the parade!

As we walked throughout the park, Christmas music was playing in all of the speakers. It was such a jolly night! We had a blast, and as we left, we stopped for one more round of hot chocolate. I love Piglet and couldn't resist taking a picture with this one...

I would highly recommend this event to anyone wanting to come to Disney! I had such a great time and am glad I got to have the experience. Now I must go get a few things done in preparation for my family arriving in just a few days!!!! Have a great weekend!

Because I Am Easily Amused....

2009-11-14T12:55:00.002-05:00

Make no mistake though - Ellie is not amused. :)

A Christmas Preview

2009-11-10T19:03:00.005-05:00

Hi everybody! Time for another bloggy update. I really do have grand plans to update my blog more than once a week, and maybe someday that will actually happen again. Hopefully there will be more to share soon. My family arrives two weeks from today and I am SO EXCITED to see them all!!! There will be many fun pictures from that to share....

Anyway, I thought I'd fill you in on a little of the Christmas joy I am experiencing. Since Nikki and I are singing in the Trees, we have been rehearsing Christmas music since the beginning of September. That is a very long time, and so I have been in the mood for Christmas earlier than normal. So you can imagine my delight when we went to Disney the other day and it was already decorated for Christmas! I plan on getting better pictures, but here are just a couple for you to get a glimpse.

It was beautiful! And they also have Christmas music playing all throughout the park. :) LIke I said more pictures to come at a later date, but this post is all about previews.

Hopefully later this week I will have a preview of the trees that we will be in for our performances to share with you. I just have to remember to bring my camera to rehearsal. They have been working on building the set for a couple of weeks now, and both trees are up on the stage and look amazing. I'm looking forward to finally getting to perform! More certainly to come on all of that very soon.

In other Christmas previews, here is a picture of Ellie that will give you a glimpse of what will be happening with her this holiday season. Definitely more and better pictures, but for now a smile from my cat....

Finally, in news not related to Christmas, at my temp job today I was told they didn't need me again this week until Friday. Then beginning next week, they only want me to come in 2 days a week. I'm just so fabulous that I got them all caught up and they don't need me anymore. :) I knew this would eventually happen but wasn't expecting it now. I don't know what I will do or how I will pay the bills or eat, so if you would join me in praying for a full time job with benefits in an area where there are few of those, I would really appreciate it. I know God is sufficient and He has promised to take care of me, but it is still hard to not worry. So a job would be great. Or sponsors. Or investors so I can start a photography/creative design business. :)

In my small group last night, we watched a movie clip that had this quote: "When the storm comes, some will drown in terror. Others will spread their wings and soar." These last few years have been tough. This year has been a challenging one to navigate. But as uncertainty remains the theme in my life for now, it is my prayer that with Christ as my foundation, I won't drown in the terror that comes with the unknown. Instead may I soar - which to be honest is the far more frightening option! - into the uncertainty with trust and joy and peace, reflecting the hope that comes from Christ alone. And as we all begin the journey into the holiday season, let's remember how much we have to celebrate. Merry Christmas! :)

Sick Musings

2009-11-03T11:33:00.004-05:00

Greetings from my germ infested apartment, where today we are having a rather lovely fall day with highs in the mid-70's. It's supposed to warm back up to the 80's, but low to mid 80's are better than the 90's we have been having, so I think that will be just fine. It is truly hard to believe that we are in the month of November, mostly due to the weather I'm sure. I'm used to wearing multiple layers and warm clothes by this point in the year, so to still walk around in short sleeves and flip flops is a little different, but I love it! :)

So we have had much sickness here in our apartment. My poor roomie was sick with a really horrible cold for over a week, and then when she started getting better, she got the swine flu. I started taking lots and lots of vitamin C to try to stay well, but alas, I came down with the flu myself late last week, although I did not get it as bad as Nikki. I had to wear a mask at the doctor's office, and anyone who came in my room also wore a mask. Talk about feeling like a leper! It was kind of weird. In honor of Halloween and having a mask to wear, we took the following pictures...

Contrary to how this may appear, Ellie does not like the Tigger costume. She is very afraid of it, which makes holding her difficult. You'd think she would enjoy being held by a big cat!!

My entire family is coming down here for Thanksgiving, and they arrive 3 weeks from today! I am SOOO excited to see everyone! We have many fun things planned, pictures of which will certainly make it into the blog. The Singing Christmas Trees are getting closer too! Our first performance is 4 weeks from Thursday, and I am really looking forward to it. They started building the trees this past weekend, so I'll try to get some pictures. Our first rehearsal actually in the trees is in a few weeks, and it should be really cool!

I am still working my temp job (except for when I am sick on the couch), and I'm hoping it will last through the holidays. It might not though, so I'm trying to look into other options as well. Pray for a permanent full-time job with benefits to show up soon!

That's it for now - off to rest for awhile. Have a good week!

It's Halloween?

2009-10-28T18:12:00.003-04:00

Greetings! Today is October 28th. The high today in sunny Orlando? 91. Sorry for all of you who are already in the cold and gray weather. But it's hot here! I went to a pumpkin carving party on Saturday night. I purposely kept my pumpkin inside so that it wouldn't rot and put it outside only last night. This is what has happened to my poor sad pumpkin in one day in the Florida heat...

Isn't it so sad? I had created a cute little pirate pumpkin, complete with an eye patch. But alas, now he is rotting and full of mold and generally disgusting so he is going to be thrown in the trash before Halloween even gets here. I suppose that is the trade off for the warmth I am continuing to experience, although from what I'm told, this is abnormally warm right now.

Gotta run for now - Singing Christmas Tree practice calls. Hope your weeks are going well, and Ellie says hello! :)

Happy Weekend!

2009-10-24T12:18:00.009-04:00

Greetings from the warm and sunny south and happy weekend to you all! I am so thankful for the weekend to be here. It was a long and crazy - though good - week, and having a chance to rest is rather glorious. I am sitting here writing this blog still in my pj's, even though it's past noon. Ahh, gotta love it!

Anyway, I do apologize for the length of time between blog posts. I had such a great time in the Great White North and just didn't have time to post a blog from there or earlier this week, but we'll get caught up now....if anyone still reads my blog.... :)

I spent last weekend in the Great White North, getting to hang out with my brother and his fiance, catching up with old friends. And let me tell you, it was COLD!!!! From the time I got on the plane in Orlando to getting off the plane in Boston, there was a temperature drop of 50 degrees. Thankfully I took my puffy, so that helped keep me warm, but it was freezing. Most of the weekend was cloudy, gray and rainy, which helped me remember some of why I love living down here so much more. I think I am addicted to sunshine!!

On to the weekend....I was able to spend some time with my old co-workers, and that was really fun. It was great to see everybody and get caught up a bit. I was also able to spend time hanging out with some of my favorite people up there from the church, and it was awesome to just hang out and relax with friends. Most of all, I really enjoyed getting to spend time with Michael and Bekah. I have known Bekah for awhile, but I haven't spent time with her in the context of her being my soon-to-be sister-in-law. I also hadn't been around the two of them since they first started dating, and I enjoyed watching their interactions. I never thought I'd see my baby brother be smitten and lovey dovey with a girl, and it was so cute! :) They were kind enough to allow me to take some engagement pictures for them, so we all braved the freezing cold for a couple of hours to see what we could do. The following images are some of my favorite.

Michael and Bekah were kind enough to ask me to be a bridesmaid in the wedding, which I was very honored by. Brother Matthew will be a participant as well, as the best man, so it will be a fun family affair. I am truly excited to be a part of their lives and have a front row seat to the story God is writing for them.

Although it was super cold in the Great White North, one really cool thing happened. For those of you who have followed my blog for awhile, you know how God used snow in so many different ways to show me how much He loved me while I lived there. It has always been something that made my heart smile, as I think it to be one of God's most beautiful creations. While I am thankful for where God has me now and truly love living back in the south, there are certainly elements of living up north that I will miss. I mostly miss the people, but while I am thankful I won't have 5 months of winter, I confess I will miss seeing snow fall. And in a most gracious gift to me, early and somewhat out of season, on my last night in Boston, this happened...

It snowed for about 4 hours, and it was beautiful! I went out and stood in the street while it fell around me and even drove around for a bit. I considered it to be such a gift from God, and it was really cool.

I will try to update my blog again soon, as there are some awesome things going on that I'd like to share. For now though, I am going to go enjoy this day of relaxation before heading to a pumpkin carving party later tonight. Have a great weekend!

Redemption In Many Forms

2009-10-11T12:12:00.005-04:00

Greetings on this lovely Sunday! I am sitting here on this day of rest, enjoying the sunshine and the peacefulness that comes from not having to go anywhere or do anything. It's been a crazy few days of life and I wanted to fill you in a bit. First of all, I spent 3 hours Friday night and about 5 hours yesterday at rehearsal for the Singing Christmas Trees. We were actually recording all 12 songs that we are singing in the show so that they can have a CD ready to sell at the performances. I must say that it was a lot of fun! It's really nice to just be a participant in a big production instead of being one of the people in charge of making it happen. And I'm having a lot of fun singing Christmas songs! :)

But the most important news that I have to announce is that my youngest brother asked his girlfriend to marry him on Thursday night!! Yep, Michael and Bekah are engaged!!! I am thrilled for them and so excited to welcome Bekah into our family. We all went to the same church in the Great White North, and I must confess that I thought she was perfect for my brother long before they started dating! I plan on taking some engagement pictures for them when I visit next weekend, so of course I'll post those when I have them, but for now, here is one I took on an earlier visit.

I must say that if I needed any sort of proof of the miracle that God has worked in my heart and the healing He has done, it came in the form of my reaction to this news. To be totally honest, I have wondered at times how I would react to people I love getting engaged and married. I wasn't sure I would really be able to be excited and that I would have a really hard time with it, for a variety of reasons. But I can truthfully say that when my brother called me with the news, I was nothing but thrilled and excited and filled with joy. I am thankful that I am going to be able to share in this journey with them and be a part of the story God is writing for their lives. And folks, that is a miracle.

I genuinely desire that someday I will be able to post a blog that announces my own engagement and that God has that as part of His redemption for my story. Whether or not that specifically happens for me, I am learning that redemption comes in many forms. It shows up in unexpected places, perhaps when we least expect it. But it's there, and it's as real as the God who makes it possible. And for now, redemption showed up in the form of a big sister being proud of and excited for her little brother, and deeply grateful for the God who made that moment possible.