Unredeemed

Hey everybody! It's been awhile since I wrote one of those blogs - where I let you know what's happening in my life and give a little insight into a deeper part of my soul. So I thought I'd do that today, as another week begins with me still searching for a job. I am including a few of my favorite pictures in this just to help break up all of the words!

I have been in Orlando for 3 full months now and cannot believe that it is about to be October. In my wildest dreams, I never imagined that I would still not have a job. And even though there is a good amount of stress that comes with not having a job and needing money to pay bills, I am also thankful for this time that God has given me.

2009 has been a long year. I have battled so much anxiety and stress, dealing with the physical effects of that, including heart palpitations and such. I have never struggled with my health in any way, so this has been a new thing for me and I haven't really enjoyed it! But I've learned a lot about myself this year and a lot about God, and I'm thankful for this journey even though I'm more than ready to move on from it.

After dealing with pretty severe heart palpitations for awhile, I finally ended up at the doctor about a month ago. Most of you remember earlier in the year when I had an allergic reaction and severe withdrawal from the meds that were suggested for anxiety the first time around, so you can imagine my hesitancy in trying anything again. But after talking with my new doctor here and explaining what happened and my history, he suggested a very mild anti-anxiety medication for me to try that he thought might really work for me. After doing much research and speaking to several very trusted people, I decided to try it. I had come to the realization that some issues were going on that needed to be dealt with, but it's very hard to deal with issues when your body is not healthy, so I knew I needed to let my body recover as well.

So here we are now....and the medication seems to be working really well! I am no longer having heart palpitations, and I feel so much more relaxed and able to handle life like a "normal" person. I have also been back in counseling, with a fantastic counselor through a church here in the area. God has been revealing so much to me, both about Himself and in some of the ways that I need to change. It has been fantastic, painful and glorious, and healing continues to occur. In all of it, I am feeling much more hopeful and excited about whatever it is that God has in store for me. I think sometimes it's so easy to get caught up in and believe the lies that are whispered about who we are and who God is, and being reminded of the truth and walking in it makes a huge difference.

As of this moment, there are a few things that you can pray for. First of all, I really need a job. Even Chick-fil-a is not hiring here. Pray that God will open a door very soon. Secondly, the medication is working splendidly. The only negative about it is that I am shedding hair at a pretty rapid rate. I don't want to stop taking the medication right now because my body is finally recovering, but I don't want to go bald either. :) So please pray that the excessive hair shedding (apparently a common thing) will stop immediately. Finally, pray that God will continue to reveal those places in my life that need to be refined and that I will have the courage to follow Him and trust Him as He continues to heal and reveal the story He has written for my life.

I realize the title of this blog post might sound weird, so let me explain it. There is a group called Selah, and they have a new CD out. One of their songs on there is called "Unredeemed" (lyrics at the bottom of this post or listen here). It has been a powerful reminder for me lately as I reflect on what has happened over the past few years. We base our view of God so often on the circumstances we see around us and in our own lives. We doubt His love for us because of what is happening to us, and yet if we just look at the cross, it shows us the depth of His love in such a way that we should never have any questions about how He feels about us. So often people will say to me, "I just know God is going to bless you with an amazing godly man and a great marriage to redeem what happened to you." Maybe He will. Or maybe He won't. But no matter what parts of life here on this earth may be left unfulfilled or unrestored in our eyes, they will never be left unredeemed. Even if it doesn't look like how we think it should or how we want it to here on this earth, there will come a day when all will be made right and new, and nothing will be unredeemed. Until that day, may we cling tightly to the only One who is unchanging, who is faithful and true, and who gives us more than we could ever ask or imagine. Love you all!

"Unredeemed"

The cruelest words, the coldest heart
The deepest wounds, the endless dark
The lonely ache, the burning tears
The bitter nights, the wasted years

Life breaks and falls apart
But we know these are

[Chorus]
Places where grace is soon to be so amazing
They may be unfulfilled, they may be unrestored
But when anything that’s shattered is laid before the Lord
Just watch and see it will not be
Unredeemed

For every choice that led to shame
And all the love that never came
For every vow that someone broke
And every life that gave up hope

We live in the shadow of the fall
But the cross says these are all …

[Chorus]

Places where grace is soon to be so amazing
They may be unfulfilled, they may be unrestored
But you never know the miracles the Father has in store
Just watch and see it will not be
Just watch and see it will not be
Unredeemed

Odds And Ends

This shall be a random post about a few random things. I am waiting to hear about a job, so in order to pass the time, there are many things to do. The other day, Nikki and I (along with the visiting Ashley), went shopping for some nail polish. Here in the fabulous sunshine state, you can wear flip flops almost all year long, which I love. But that requires freshly painted nails, and we were in need of some new colors. We found a great deal - bottles for only $2, and I had a giftcard! Here is a picture of a new color - this is "Ruby Slippers", and in case you can't tell from the picture, there are red sparklies in the polish that make my toes look like Dorothy's ruby slippers. :)

While I am enjoying sunshine, in my home state of Georgia, there is much flooding going on. There have been all kinds of crazy stories, as some of the worst flooding has happened not far from where I grew up. Here is a picture that our next door neighbor took of the view of the road from our old subdivision...

Crazy, isn't it? Hopefully everything will clear up soon without much more damage.

Finally, what would killing time be if not torturing my cat with self portraits of us??? She gets so excited about this and loves me so much for taking pictures repeatedly. I will leave you with these joyful greetings from me and Ellie. Please pray that a job opens up soon, and we'll keep you posted!

Disney In The "Fall"

So I did something today that is new for me - I went to the Magic Kingdom by myself!! :) It was actually fun, although slightly weird to be at Disney without anyone else. I only rode a couple of rides, but my purpose in going was to take some pictures of the fun fall/Halloween decorations that they have up. It's kind of funny to see these fallish decorations, as it was in the low 90's today, with horrible humidity, BUT....it is mid-September after all. So without further ado, here are lots of pictures that should make you want to come visit yourselves! There are such small crowds now - you don't have to wait long for anything.

Notice the Disney World train in this picture!




This is Main Street. My favorite ice cream parlor is in the picture on the left. They have the BEST ice cream!!! And yet, even with a season pass, I have not gotten any yet since I've been here. Maybe next time....

And now here is Main Street from the front, so you can see the castle in the background.

Speaking of the castle, they have already started putting lights on it for the Christmas season. They can only do these things at night after the park is closed - no one is allowed to see the transformation. On the day after Thanksgiving, the park will just magically be transformed to Christmas. If you look closely, you can see where they have started decorating the castle.

This is a random picture, but I love Piglet. Doesn't he look cute in the tree?

Now, these next pictures are for my friend Tessa. Tess - I thought you might want to see pictures of where Cinderella lives. This is her castle....you can see the front and side views.


Here is a picture of the entrance to the castle and what it looks like when you walk inside.


So there is Cinderella's home. And now for a picture of Cinderella and her prince!

And I also saw Belle today!

Mickey and Minnie even said to tell you hello!

So Tessa, I hope you enjoyed all of your pictures! I miss you! :)

As I left Disney today, this was the scene and the goodbye message for me. It made me smile. Have a great night!

My Cute Cat

Hi everybody! I wanted to show you some pictures of Ellie because she is such a cute cat! She has enjoyed living in Orlando so far. She loves going out on our balcony and rolling on the concrete, eating bugs, letting her fur get blown in the wind.... It's really funny because she sticks her head through the rails on the balcony. Here is some Ellie cuteness.

She also loves laying on the piano because she can see out of the balcony doors...

I went for a walk this evening, and here are a few pictures from that. We have these crazy birds that walk around our apartment all the time, and when they are agitated, they make this horribly LOUD screaming noise. When they stand up to their full height, they are almost as tall as I am! They were walking down the sidewalk tonight, and I got out of their way. I wonder what they were talking about as they walked!

We get some really pretty skies and clouds here as the sun sets...

Finally, here is a picture of me and my cat. It's horrible of us both (I had just gotten back from the walk), but perhaps it will make you smile!

More to come soon....enjoy your weekend!

Life

Greetings to you all on a cloudy day here in the "Sunshine State". It's been a tough couple of weeks, and I find myself almost at a loss as to how to put words to all that is taking place. I'll do my best though!

To begin, my friends Jenn and Will had their first baby last week. She is so beautiful and so incredibly tiny! I got to hold her in the hospital when she was only hours old, and we spent some time with them yesterday at their house. Here is a picture of her.

It's amazing to me to look at a newborn and realize we all started out that way - tiny, completely helpless and fully dependent on others for everything. And yet as adults, we try to do everything on our own, depending on no one. When does that transformation happen? When do we get to the place where it is considered a weakness to show the depths of our struggles? And what makes us fight against a complete dependence on God? There is no safer place to be than resting fully in Him, and yet we often fight that with everything we have.

In the last two weeks, I have traveled to the Great White North and to GA for a weekend. Out of the time spent in each place, goodbyes took place. One goodbye was to a fantastic guy that I had the privilege of getting to spend a few months getting to know but who ultimately just wasn't the best fit for me. The other goodbyes were to people who have been a part of my life for years but who it was time to let go of and move on from. Both situations were painful, for different reasons, but both were also necessary.

I must confess I am tired of this journey. It's been a long few years, and I wish sometimes that God would hurry the process up and that I would be done with this particular road. And yet, everything I have walked through and continue to walk through has forced me into a dependence on God not unlike being a newborn. I can't do anything in this life apart from Him, and when I try....well, it isn't pretty.

I am weary. I am sad. I still need a job. I still have dreams that may or may not come true. I miss my family. I miss my church. I continue to battle the physical effects of stress. But I am okay. And God is good. Jesus loves me. And that is enough.

Hello From Georgia!

Hi everyone! It's been awhile, and I know I have much to catch you up on. I am currently in the great state of Georgia, relaxing at the Freeman's house. My mom came in town for the weekend, so Nikki and I decided to drive up for the weekend and hang out with some family and friends. We've had a lot of fun! It's been great to be able to see my mom and brother Matthew again. We had to bring Ellie too, so she has been staying at Matthew's house. She loves having a whole house to run around in!!

As far as last weekend goes, I had a nice visit to New Hampshire. Everyone was so nice and friendly, and the wedding was lovely. Spending the time up there helped me clarify some things too in moving forward in life. I am thankful for the time that I had up there!

On Sunday, I got to go down to Gloucester and go back to my church, which was awesome! It was so good to see everyone again. Michael led worship, and then after church, we had a cookout with all of the worship team folks. It was great to have a chance to just spend the afternoon with everyone. When we got finished with that, we went and played putt-putt with Michael and his girlfriend Bekah. Here are some fun pictures from that afternoon!






I enjoyed getting to see everyone again, but being up in the north did help confirm that I am so happy I have moved back south. I love the sunshine and the warmth and the culture, and I am really glad that I live in Florida now!

I'll post more soon, but for now I am going to go spend some time with the Georgia peeps. Have a great weekend!

Cakes and Such

It has been awhile since my last blog. I should be fired! But to be honest, there isn't a whole lot to share. Still don't have a job. Still looking for one. I figure you guys only want to read so many times how awesome it is to go to Disney and the pool. But I miss not writing blogs, so I am going to try to write more often! Plus, there are things coming up that will need to be blogged about. For instance, I am leaving on Thursday to go to NH for a long weekend. Steve's brother is getting married, and I get to be his (Steve's!) date. :) This also means that I am meeting his ENTIRE family - parents, grandparents, brothers, aunts, uncles, cousins, etc. all at the same time. Pray for me! :) I am really looking forward to the trip though and can't wait to see Steve again! In this same trip, I also get to see my brother and my East Gloucester friends, and that will be fun too! I can't wait to see everyone. I'll take pictures and share stories of all of this when I return.

It is definitely frustrating to still not have a job. I have been doing so many different things to find one and keep running into dead ends. But even in the midst of the madness, it has also been a really great time. I have had a lot of down time, and that has allowed me to really look at some stuff and God has been continuing to heal me in so many ways. So it's good. But I'd like to find work soon!

Nikki has been really sick for about a week now, but she is taking a cake decorating class at Michael's. She is working on her very first cake, so I thought I'd document some of her progress. Here is her first cake she has ever baked cooling, and the first batches of icing she made!


And here is my fabulous roommate as she is making icing. Sorry for the blurriness of the picture!

Finally, just for fun, here are 2 pictures of me and Ellie. Ellie has been very needy this weekend, wanting to be patted lots. But she makes me smile everyday, so we'll keep her around! In the first one, she was trying to get away, so it's blurry. It's funny though - looks like she's waving!!


Gotta run for now - I have a Braves game to watch!! More to come soon though. Have a great week!

A Promise Of Life

I love rainbows. I always have. There is something so majestic about them, especially when they are bright and clear and you can see all of the colors. And of course, they always remind me of God's promises. Most of us know the story of Noah's ark, when God flooded the whole earth. At the end of all of it, He put a rainbow in the sky, and this is the promise that He made...

"I set My bow in the cloud, and it shall be for a sign of a covenant between Me and the earth. And it shall come about, when I bring a cloud over the earth, that the bow shall be seen in the cloud, and I will remember My covenant, which is between Me and you and every living creature of all flesh; and never again shall the water become a flood to destroy all flesh." Genesis 9:13-15

Now here we are thousands of years later, and God has kept His covenant - He has never again destroyed the entire earth with a flood. God made covenants with His people throughout history, but I love how with this one, there is a visible sign to us of His promise.....a promise of life, of hope...

Since moving to Florida, Nikki and I have seen rainbows almost once a week. They pop out a lot here with the rain showers and sunshine. And each time one has come, it has been so fantastic because it's been at a time when we were struggling with the unknown or not having jobs, and it's like God just gives us a reminder that He's still here. He's not going anywhere, and He's with us, and if we need some proof, well, have a nice big rainbow.

Last night, there was actually a double rainbow. It was awesome. And it stayed in the sky for at least half an hour. We tried to get pictures, but we could not fit the entire rainbow in one picture - it was too wide. So here are a couple of attempts to capture the beauty of what we saw, although it certainly doesn't do it justice. Look closely and see if you can see the double rainbow!


So thanks God for an awesome reminder of Your presence in our lives!

Friends

Happy Monday to all! I should be desperately searching for a job right now, but I am instead taking a break to put up a quick blog. For those of you who are my Facebook friends, you will have probably already seen these pictures, but I wanted to post this anyway.

When I was on staff at West Ridge, I had a co-worker named Tim Grandstaff, who at the time was the children's pastor. He and his wife Tandy just recently moved to Orlando, where they will be planting a church that is going to get started at the first of the year. Nikki and I have gotten to see them a couple of times since we've been here. Tandy is an excellent photographer, who has her own business, and she has been kind enough to let Nikki and I tag along with her on some of her photo shoots so we can learn and continue to improve our own picture taking ability.

On Saturday, we all met in downtown Orlando to take pictures of my friend Jenn and her husband Will, who will be welcoming their first baby into the world in about a month. We had a great time! Here are a few of my favorite shots that I took....



I'm really looking forward to continuing to learn as much as I can about photography and continue to improve in my picture taking. I'm thankful Tandy is willing to share her knowledge with us!

One of the things I have enjoyed most about being down here is having the opportunity after 2 years of living in different states to get to spend time with Nikki again. And I am looking forward to continuing to develop friendships with Will & Jenn and Tim & Tandy as well, plus any other people God brings into my life. While I desperately miss my friends from Gloucester, I am very thankful for those that I have here.

And now, back to searching for a job!! :)

A Renewed Hope

Hi everybody! Well, as promised from my last post, I am going to try and put "on paper" some of what God has been doing in my life over these last weeks. We'll see how successful I am, as so much of what is in my head is still being processed. But I do want to keep you posted on what's going on, so here goes....

First of all, living with Nikki has been totally awesome. It has been such a blessing to share life with her as a roommate. We've been able to talk about so many things, and while I would never wish our experiences on anyone, it's nice to talk with someone who really does know how you feel. In our discussions, we've had some great conversations that have really redeemed some of what we have walked through in these last years.

Along with conversations we've shared, we have also watched a couple of videos that have been very encouraging (Louie Giglio from Passion - Hope When Life Hurts Most) and great reminders of what is true. We've been visiting churches here in Orlando, and at every single church we've visited, the sermon has been on hope, trust, faith, or facing your fears. I've also read some books, talked with people, received encouraging emails.....and through all of it, I have ended up at the same place...

No matter what the circumstances look like, no matter how dark the night, no matter if I understand or not, Jesus loves me. Period. The end. It sounds simple, but believing that changes everything. If I ever doubt that Jesus loves me, all I have to do is look at the cross where He died for me, and that should pretty much clear up any question I have of His love for me. And in His hanging there on a cross, He experienced it all - He was betrayed, He was scorned, He was considered weak and powerless, He was beaten to a pulp, He tasted death....and yet, what looked like the worst moment in history became the turning point for mankind. Love won. And when I rest in His love for me, I can trust Him - NO MATTER WHAT.

Life is full of uncertainties. None of us know the number of our days. And trouble will come to us all. But we can live life safely, letting our fears chart our course, or we can let go of our fears, hang on to God, and live in the peace that trusting Him brings. I have lived the last few years of my life letting my fear dictate my decisions, determine much of how I viewed life, and certainly not trusting God fully. God is working on my heart, molding, healing, bringing me face to face with the fears that I have let stand in the way. Is this an easy process? Painless? Fun? Heck no! But there is no other place I'd rather be. Because the only sure thing in this life - the only place to build our foundation - is in Christ. And by trusting in Him completely, I can be free to truly live, to love, to risk, and to run through this life, praising the one who gives me life in the first place.

I don't know what tomorrow will bring. But I have hope. I am excited about what God is doing and what He has in store. And I look forward to sharing it with all of you! I will keep you posted and would appreciate your prayers that God will give me the courage to let go, fully trust Him, and once again fully live.