So I haven't written a blog post in almost a year. That is somewhat crazy to me because I used to write so often. When I started this over six years ago, I was moving to a new city, trying to recover from traumatic circumstances, and I needed a place to process and keep family and friends updated since I was so far away. Life changes though, and I have found other outlets for processing. I have not yet decided if this will be my last blog post or if I will continue to occasionally post. I like having the record of life to go back and read, but who knows if this will maintain any sort of priority for me since it clearly hasn't in the last year. :) But for now, an update!
I have entered into my fifth year of living in Florida. That is crazy! I actually really love it here. I love that I can go outside all year long, Disney is here, the Braves spring training is here...and I have some great friends and family here. :)
Anyway, when I wrote my last post I was graduating from graduate school, and here we are almost a year later. I think this has been one of the harder years of my life. Actually, I think this year should just have the title "all the things they don't tell you about how your life will change when you become a counselor". Because I had to do a year of internship for school where I saw clients, I am actually completing my second year of counseling clients. There is something different about doing it as your job and not just for school, and while it's been AMAZING and I LOVE it, it's been really tough too. I am in the process of helping start a counseling center through my church, and it's so very exciting (check out our website at http://renew-church.org/counseling), but it is also challenging and scary as I continuously pray that I will be able to pay my bills each month. :) So much of what I do has to remain confidential, so what I will share with you this evening is what I have learned about how my life will never be the same.
• "You do WHAT??" It's actually greatly amusing to me when people ask me what I do for my job. I love telling them I'm a therapist. You get some hilarious and classic responses and faces. There are two typical responses - you can see the fear cross their face and they don't want to talk to you at all for fear you are analyzing their every move OR they want to tell you their whole life story and all the traumas they have endured. It's always fun!
• "Are you analyzing me? Do you analyze everyone?" This is a common question. After going through intense training in my master's program, of course I can't help but look at people differently. We are taught to study body language and nuances and you learn to interact with people on a deeper level. But that does not mean that I am constantly analyzing everyone either. When I walk into my office, I put a certain hat on. I don't have that hat on all of the time - it would be completely exhausting! When I am in social settings, I like to enjoy myself and relax and just be with people. So could I analyze you? Sure. But am I? Probably not. :)
• Relationships will never be the same. Now....I am not constantly in therapist mode. But going into this profession completely changes how you relate to and see other people. I am constantly working with people on their pain and trying to get them to go deeper and process very personal things. You can't do that and not deepen yourself or wish for relationships that exist on deeper levels. Our society is very shallow. I've never liked shallow relationships or friendships, but now I really don't. And that makes it interesting at times because while I have changed a lot and gone through lots of training, most people in my life have not. Learning how to relate in new ways can be challenging! (**Disclaimer. Not saying that all my friends and family are shallow. Just that they haven't walked this same journey.)
• This is a very lonely profession. I spend my days pouring into other people like I would my closest friends. But the people I am pouring into are not pouring back into me. That's not what therapy is all about. And that's totally fine. But it takes a lot of emotional energy to sit with people like that and then to have to come home and try to still find energy to connect with people who I really can be friends with in the same way. I am learning balance and trying to still figure out how to make all of that work. Additionally, to be a great therapist, you have to constantly be processing and evaluating and deepening yourself and dealing with your own crap. A lot of people don't spend lots of time thinking that way or processing, so they think you're a little crazy sometimes. Although let's be honest - we're all a little crazy. :)
• I was made for this. Despite the painful moments and the loneliness and the wondering if I've ruined my life for good by doing this as a profession, I love it. God has gifted me for this, and I am so honored to sit with people in their most vulnerable moments and walk with them on their journey. It's a privilege and one I do not take lightly. Having moments where people "get it" or seeing them find freedom from something that has kept them trapped....it's one of the most amazing things ever.
So....pray for me! I'm on the front lines with people as they fight for their lives and freedom and healing. And this is a great time of transition as well. Nikki is engaged (YAY!!!!), and while we are happily anticipating a wedding in a few months, that means that all of life is also dramatically changing in a very short time. There are many details to work out, including where I might live, and it's just a lot to decide. And while I am so excited for her as much of her story is being redeemed, there are also tough moments when I wonder if God has totally forgotten about me in this area of life.
Steven Curtis Chapman recently came out with a new CD, and I've always been a big fan of his music. I love how his lyrics speak truth. This is part of one of the songs...
"But God will, He will finish what He started
No thread will be left unwoven
Nothing will be left undone
Every plan and every purpose
That He has will be accomplished
And God will finish what He's begun
And it may feel like 40 long days in a hard driving rain
Or 40 years in a dry desert sand
But when He's finished we will see
A beautiful tapestry
And know that nothing has been wasted in the end"
I'm not gonna lie...there are some days when this is hard to believe. But I'm holding on to the truth that God will finish what He started in me. And no matter what that looks like - married again someday or single forever, kids or no kids, I belong to Him and I have a significant place in His story.
Whether or not this is my last blog entry, thank you for sharing my journey with me over these last 7 years. I truly have seen the faithfulness of God, and I have seen Him heal me in ways I could not have imagined. I know that will continue happening, no matter what the external circumstances may look like or how much I might struggle at times with doubt. Thank you for the ways you have supported me and loved me, and thank you that you will continue to do so! Much love!
I have entered into my fifth year of living in Florida. That is crazy! I actually really love it here. I love that I can go outside all year long, Disney is here, the Braves spring training is here...and I have some great friends and family here. :)
Anyway, when I wrote my last post I was graduating from graduate school, and here we are almost a year later. I think this has been one of the harder years of my life. Actually, I think this year should just have the title "all the things they don't tell you about how your life will change when you become a counselor". Because I had to do a year of internship for school where I saw clients, I am actually completing my second year of counseling clients. There is something different about doing it as your job and not just for school, and while it's been AMAZING and I LOVE it, it's been really tough too. I am in the process of helping start a counseling center through my church, and it's so very exciting (check out our website at http://renew-church.org/counseling), but it is also challenging and scary as I continuously pray that I will be able to pay my bills each month. :) So much of what I do has to remain confidential, so what I will share with you this evening is what I have learned about how my life will never be the same.
• "You do WHAT??" It's actually greatly amusing to me when people ask me what I do for my job. I love telling them I'm a therapist. You get some hilarious and classic responses and faces. There are two typical responses - you can see the fear cross their face and they don't want to talk to you at all for fear you are analyzing their every move OR they want to tell you their whole life story and all the traumas they have endured. It's always fun!
• "Are you analyzing me? Do you analyze everyone?" This is a common question. After going through intense training in my master's program, of course I can't help but look at people differently. We are taught to study body language and nuances and you learn to interact with people on a deeper level. But that does not mean that I am constantly analyzing everyone either. When I walk into my office, I put a certain hat on. I don't have that hat on all of the time - it would be completely exhausting! When I am in social settings, I like to enjoy myself and relax and just be with people. So could I analyze you? Sure. But am I? Probably not. :)
• Relationships will never be the same. Now....I am not constantly in therapist mode. But going into this profession completely changes how you relate to and see other people. I am constantly working with people on their pain and trying to get them to go deeper and process very personal things. You can't do that and not deepen yourself or wish for relationships that exist on deeper levels. Our society is very shallow. I've never liked shallow relationships or friendships, but now I really don't. And that makes it interesting at times because while I have changed a lot and gone through lots of training, most people in my life have not. Learning how to relate in new ways can be challenging! (**Disclaimer. Not saying that all my friends and family are shallow. Just that they haven't walked this same journey.)
• This is a very lonely profession. I spend my days pouring into other people like I would my closest friends. But the people I am pouring into are not pouring back into me. That's not what therapy is all about. And that's totally fine. But it takes a lot of emotional energy to sit with people like that and then to have to come home and try to still find energy to connect with people who I really can be friends with in the same way. I am learning balance and trying to still figure out how to make all of that work. Additionally, to be a great therapist, you have to constantly be processing and evaluating and deepening yourself and dealing with your own crap. A lot of people don't spend lots of time thinking that way or processing, so they think you're a little crazy sometimes. Although let's be honest - we're all a little crazy. :)
• I was made for this. Despite the painful moments and the loneliness and the wondering if I've ruined my life for good by doing this as a profession, I love it. God has gifted me for this, and I am so honored to sit with people in their most vulnerable moments and walk with them on their journey. It's a privilege and one I do not take lightly. Having moments where people "get it" or seeing them find freedom from something that has kept them trapped....it's one of the most amazing things ever.
So....pray for me! I'm on the front lines with people as they fight for their lives and freedom and healing. And this is a great time of transition as well. Nikki is engaged (YAY!!!!), and while we are happily anticipating a wedding in a few months, that means that all of life is also dramatically changing in a very short time. There are many details to work out, including where I might live, and it's just a lot to decide. And while I am so excited for her as much of her story is being redeemed, there are also tough moments when I wonder if God has totally forgotten about me in this area of life.
Steven Curtis Chapman recently came out with a new CD, and I've always been a big fan of his music. I love how his lyrics speak truth. This is part of one of the songs...
"But God will, He will finish what He started
No thread will be left unwoven
Nothing will be left undone
Every plan and every purpose
That He has will be accomplished
And God will finish what He's begun
And it may feel like 40 long days in a hard driving rain
Or 40 years in a dry desert sand
But when He's finished we will see
A beautiful tapestry
And know that nothing has been wasted in the end"
I'm not gonna lie...there are some days when this is hard to believe. But I'm holding on to the truth that God will finish what He started in me. And no matter what that looks like - married again someday or single forever, kids or no kids, I belong to Him and I have a significant place in His story.
Whether or not this is my last blog entry, thank you for sharing my journey with me over these last 7 years. I truly have seen the faithfulness of God, and I have seen Him heal me in ways I could not have imagined. I know that will continue happening, no matter what the external circumstances may look like or how much I might struggle at times with doubt. Thank you for the ways you have supported me and loved me, and thank you that you will continue to do so! Much love!
