Giving Thanks

Hi Everyone! Happy Thanksgiving week to all! I have much to be thankful for, some of which I will get to in a minute. First though, I wanted to write one of those posts - you know, where I get all reflective and share something that's on my heart. It's been awhile since I've really had a post like this, but one of the things I love about having this blog is being able to go back and read this journal of the past few years. It always helps me remember where I've been and what I've learned and how far I have come. And on this night, when I really should be sleeping, I have a few thoughts to share. I think putting them on "paper" will help me sleep...

Anyway, my parents arrived in town tonight to spend Thanksgiving week with me! Yay for parents and a fabulous family! They are one of my treasures that I am most thankful for. Brother Matthew arrives tomorrow, which will also be awesome. Michael and Bekah couldn't come now, but we will all be together in GA in a few weeks to celebrate Christmas. Due to the fact that we have company in town, Nikki and I decided to decorate our apartment for Christmas last night. We love having it decorated for the holidays, and we wanted it to be all cute for our visitors. We listened to Christmas music while we decorated our trees and put up some other stuff. Here are our completed trees - cute, yes?? :)

I LOVE Christmas. It's my favorite time of year. I love everything about the holiday - the music, the lights and decorations, what we're really celebrating, a time to stop and give thanks, time to be with family, Christmas trees, cinnamon smells...the list could go on and on. But can I confess something? Holidays are hard. In one of my classes, we talked about how fluid our memories are, and how much we actually forget quickly after it happens. One reason we remember so much about holidays is because they involve all of our senses - we remember things by taste, smell, sight, touch, etc. That is fantastic when there are things you want to remember - not so much when those memories also involve pain.

As Nikki and I were decorating our trees last night, we were both rather pensive. All of my ornaments on my tree remind me of something. I love unwrapping them each year because it always jogs memories and reminds me of certain times in my life or places I've gone or of a person who gave it to me. And even though it's been four years, it sometimes still hurts. It seems like the holidays bring out some of those hurts. It makes me mad that it still hurts after all this time. But I'm trying to learn and grow and be more and more comfortable with myself, even in facing emotions I don't like, so I'm attempting to rest in this pain and process through it....thus the reason for a late night blog. :)

Last night after I turned out the lights, I was looking at my tree, and one ornament glowed at me. Here is a picture of my tree...bet you can see which one it is!

Right in the center of my tree is a bright purple sequined ornament that says "joy". Nikki gave it to me last year. It was such a good reminder for me. Even when things hurt, even if this isn't how I would have chosen for my story to be written, even if this isn't "how it was supposed to be", God still sees me. This is His story for me - and He is using it to create beauty out of ashes and glorify Himself - and joy still exists. I might be 32, divorced, living with a roommate and a cat, decorating a tiny Christmas tree, but that doesn't define who I really am. God does. And deep down inside, I have joy. I have a deep abiding joy, and I have joy in the littlest blessings of life. I have a really fabulously decorated apartment, I can wear reindeer antlers to work, I can go to Disney World, I can study to be a counselor, I can spend time with the greatest family and friends ever, and most of all, I can rest my head on my pillow every night knowing Jesus loves me. He loves me so much, He has allowed me to walk the road of these past four years and to come out on the other side a more refined daughter of the King. Even in the hurt, there is still joy. And that is a miracle that I am thankful for.

So even if it sometimes hurts, I will still enjoy this holiday season. And I pray that no matter where circumstances find each of us, we will not lose sight of what we are celebrating. The God of the universe, who knows every fiber of our being, loved us so much that He sent His Son to earth. From birth came death. And from death came Life and a redemption that continues to this day. Thankful does not begin to describe it. Enjoy this week of Thanksgiving and the Christmas season that follows. And may joy be found in each day - in little and small ways!