Hi everyone! I'm home from the hospital, minus a thyroid, hurtin' every time I swallow but very thankful to have made it through this experience with fairly minimal issues. I was really nervous when I arrived at the hospital early yesterday morning, but everyone was so kind to me and helped keep me calm. I remember being wheeled into the operating room but I don't remember an absolute thing after that until I woke up in recovery. I am super drug sensitive and they had given me a really strong pain med post surgery, so I was really nauseous after waking up and almost threw up twice. It took awhile for the effects of that to wear off, and when it did, I was in a tremendous amount of pain. The issue with this surgery is that they put the breathing tube down your throat while they operate. So the back of your throat hurts from that, but the front of your throat/neck hurts because it's been sliced open and pieces cut out, etc. Combine the two together, and I'll let you imagine how painful it is to swallow. I toughed it out as long as I could because I didn't want to feel sick again, but by 6:30 last night, I couldn't handle it anymore. So I asked for some medication and they gave me vicodin. It worked for the pain, but not so much for me. Remember the super drug sensitive part? Yeah. At midnight they gave me half of a pill to see if that would help the pain but not give such bad side effects as the whole pill did. About 20 minutes later, I was jittery, shaky, my arms and hands were numb and tingly, I was nauseous and I felt like I was floating to the ceiling. Not really a good combination. So I am home from the hospital armed with nothing but extra strength tylenol and attempting to manage my pain with that. To this point, it's going okay. I'm in a pretty good amount of pain, but I'd rather deal with that and feel normal than deal with the side effects of the drugs. I am able to eat whatever I want, and I'm trying to eat softer foods for now as I slowly reintroduce stuff to my stomach.
The surgery went really well and all my levels looked great, which is why I surprisingly got to come home so early today. I'm not complaining as I'm much more comfortable at home, it's much quieter here, and while I can't really lay my head back much, I'm hoping all of that means I'll be able to get more than the 3 hours of sleep I got last night in the hospital. Plus I am now wire and tube free, which is fantastic. So many of you prayed for me, and it truly made a difference. God has been so gracious to me through my first surgery/anesthesia experience, and I'm truly grateful for your support.
When they first took me back to get me prepped for surgery, I was sitting on my little bed waiting for my nurse to come back, and I could hear the nurse talking to the lady in the cubicle next to me. That woman was there to have a double mastectomy because she had cancer in one of her breasts. She was a little bit older and they were having to talk kind of loud for her to hear them, so I could hear what they were saying to her, and it was so heartbreaking. It really put things into perspective for me as I sat there waiting for my own surgery. I know it's okay for me to be nervous and that my surgery was a big deal for me, but here was this woman about to go through something I think every woman dreads, and to be able to hear some of the last conversations before she went to the OR was sobering. Her nurse was so sweet to her, and the lady asked the nurse if they did a lot of surgeries like that at the hospital. The nurse said, "Yes, but that doesn't matter. Today is YOUR surgery day, and we're here to take care of you. This day is about you."
One of the things God has been teaching me repeatedly in these last months through school and life is the importance of listening to other people's stories. No matter the similarities between people, each person's story is unique, and it deserves honor and dignity and the chance to be told and heard. People tell us so much if we'll only stop and listen and pay attention. The nurse yesterday reminded me of that as she dealt with a type of woman that she sees come through the operating room often. But no matter how many women have that same surgery, they're each different and they each deserve to be treated with honor and dignity and respect. So it will be with my clients, and so it is with people in general. I don't know this woman's name, but somewhere tonight is a lady who is having to come to terms with losing both of her breasts, dealing with incredible pain from an invasive surgery, facing cancer and upcoming treatment for that, and not knowing if she'll survive. Pray for her if you will.
And continue to pray for me and my roommate, who had surgery this afternoon. These next few days will be tough as we have to fight through the most painful days of healing in this process. Pray that there will be no complications, healing will occur quickly and with as minimal pain as possible and that we will all be able to get some sleep and have fun together in the process. Thank you for sharing this journey with me - I am truly grateful.
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
Sunday, July 17, 2011
On Having Surgery & Other Musings
On Tuesday of this week, I will be having surgery to have my thyroid removed. In a completely random way, it was discovered that I had a nodule on either side of my thyroid. I have not had any trouble and would never have known that the nodules were there except for a chance exam while it was trying to be determined if I had chronic sinus issues. From the discovery of one of the nodules came an ultrasound, biopsies, and the determination that while it doesn't appear to yet be cancerous, the tissues of the nodules are suspicious and obviously we do not want to leave them there to develop into anything down the road. So I will be having my entire thyroid removed and then will be on medication the rest of my life to provide the necessary hormones.
I'll be honest - I'm getting nervous about all of this. I've never had major surgery and never had anesthesia. I've always been drug sensitive and am afraid I'll have some sort of crazy reaction to the drugs and everything. Obviously I'm praying that will not be the case and that everything will be very routine and as easy as possible, but I'm still not looking forward to any of this. In the midst of the nervousness though is also the assurance that Jesus is with me and that my life is in His hands, whether I'm just living normally or having a surgical procedure done.
I probably think way too much about stuff, but I'm analytical so you'll have to bear with me for a moment. I know the likelihood of me not surviving the surgery or never waking up or having some sort of wacky reaction is very low. But the reality is also that we don't know what will happen. There are no guarantees. Whenever I'm facing something major, I can't help but reevaluate life a bit and realize that for as much as I'd like to think I'm in control, I'm not at all. And that could be scary if I didn't trust that God is in control and has a way bigger plan for my life than I'm probably even aware of. The truth is that He knows the number of my days. If Tuesday were to be my last day on earth, it wouldn't matter if I was in surgery or reading a book in my apartment, that would be it. The other reality is that whenever I have accomplished all that God gave me on this earth to accomplish, I'll be with Him, and I'll be fine. It'll just suck for all of you! :) Seriously, not trying to be maudlin - I'm anticipating everything going just fine, and there are lots of things happening in the coming days that I'm really excited about - but it also helps me to remember who is really in control. In that process, even when dealing with the nervousness, I can be at peace.
I'd appreciate your prayers for me over these next few days. I have to be at the hospital at 6:45am on Tuesday and the surgery is scheduled for 8:45am. It should only take a couple of hours at the most, and then I will most likely be in the hospital for two days while they monitor my levels. There are a few specific things you can pray for: pray that there will be no adverse reactions to the anesthesia or surgery in general. Pray that everything will heal quickly, with as little discomfort as possible. Pray that there will be no damage done to my vocal cords or parathyroid glands. And pray for peace and rest in the next day and a half leading up to the surgery! I'll certainly keep you posted on the healing process...
On a completely different topic, in my last blog I mentioned some of my struggles since returning from Greece. I'm still working through much of that, but things are going well. It's always so funny to me how God uses everything in our lives to teach us what He wants us to learn. Since starting grad school, I've been amazed how often what I'm learning in class is going right along with what I'm doing in my own personal counseling and what is happening in life in general. The same thing continues to happen now. When Nikki and I went to Greece, my mom prayed that the trip would be the start of "relaunching us into society" in all areas of our lives. Let's face it - when you go through traumatic life events, the tendency is to hide and maybe stay on the sidelines a bit as life goes on. But it's time for us to get back in the game in every way, and as hard and scary as that is, it's also very exciting. We are moving to a new place at the end of August and are looking forward to things that are ahead.
In my class that I'm currently in, our professor told us that our clients will work harder to stay in their pathology than they will to change. We all do it - it's easier to stay where you're comfortable and feel safer than it is to put forth the work required for change. However, as a very wise person said, only when we are actively in pain are we willing to change and only in brokenness can strength occur. This will be true of the people who come to see me for counseling, and it is certainly true in my life. I will say that these last 4 1/2 years have been tough, but it's pretty cool to see how God continues to heal and do work, bringing strength from brokenness and a willingness to make some necessary changes out of pain. I'm thankful He loves me that much and I'm looking forward to all that He has in store in the days and weeks to come. I'll continue to keep you updated and appreciate your encouragement, support and prayers over these next few days!
I'll be honest - I'm getting nervous about all of this. I've never had major surgery and never had anesthesia. I've always been drug sensitive and am afraid I'll have some sort of crazy reaction to the drugs and everything. Obviously I'm praying that will not be the case and that everything will be very routine and as easy as possible, but I'm still not looking forward to any of this. In the midst of the nervousness though is also the assurance that Jesus is with me and that my life is in His hands, whether I'm just living normally or having a surgical procedure done.
I probably think way too much about stuff, but I'm analytical so you'll have to bear with me for a moment. I know the likelihood of me not surviving the surgery or never waking up or having some sort of wacky reaction is very low. But the reality is also that we don't know what will happen. There are no guarantees. Whenever I'm facing something major, I can't help but reevaluate life a bit and realize that for as much as I'd like to think I'm in control, I'm not at all. And that could be scary if I didn't trust that God is in control and has a way bigger plan for my life than I'm probably even aware of. The truth is that He knows the number of my days. If Tuesday were to be my last day on earth, it wouldn't matter if I was in surgery or reading a book in my apartment, that would be it. The other reality is that whenever I have accomplished all that God gave me on this earth to accomplish, I'll be with Him, and I'll be fine. It'll just suck for all of you! :) Seriously, not trying to be maudlin - I'm anticipating everything going just fine, and there are lots of things happening in the coming days that I'm really excited about - but it also helps me to remember who is really in control. In that process, even when dealing with the nervousness, I can be at peace.
I'd appreciate your prayers for me over these next few days. I have to be at the hospital at 6:45am on Tuesday and the surgery is scheduled for 8:45am. It should only take a couple of hours at the most, and then I will most likely be in the hospital for two days while they monitor my levels. There are a few specific things you can pray for: pray that there will be no adverse reactions to the anesthesia or surgery in general. Pray that everything will heal quickly, with as little discomfort as possible. Pray that there will be no damage done to my vocal cords or parathyroid glands. And pray for peace and rest in the next day and a half leading up to the surgery! I'll certainly keep you posted on the healing process...
On a completely different topic, in my last blog I mentioned some of my struggles since returning from Greece. I'm still working through much of that, but things are going well. It's always so funny to me how God uses everything in our lives to teach us what He wants us to learn. Since starting grad school, I've been amazed how often what I'm learning in class is going right along with what I'm doing in my own personal counseling and what is happening in life in general. The same thing continues to happen now. When Nikki and I went to Greece, my mom prayed that the trip would be the start of "relaunching us into society" in all areas of our lives. Let's face it - when you go through traumatic life events, the tendency is to hide and maybe stay on the sidelines a bit as life goes on. But it's time for us to get back in the game in every way, and as hard and scary as that is, it's also very exciting. We are moving to a new place at the end of August and are looking forward to things that are ahead.
In my class that I'm currently in, our professor told us that our clients will work harder to stay in their pathology than they will to change. We all do it - it's easier to stay where you're comfortable and feel safer than it is to put forth the work required for change. However, as a very wise person said, only when we are actively in pain are we willing to change and only in brokenness can strength occur. This will be true of the people who come to see me for counseling, and it is certainly true in my life. I will say that these last 4 1/2 years have been tough, but it's pretty cool to see how God continues to heal and do work, bringing strength from brokenness and a willingness to make some necessary changes out of pain. I'm thankful He loves me that much and I'm looking forward to all that He has in store in the days and weeks to come. I'll continue to keep you updated and appreciate your encouragement, support and prayers over these next few days!
Saturday, July 2, 2011
Thoughts On Life
So today started out as any normal Saturday would - I got up to go to work. At some point around 10:30, Macy's called our store and placed an order to be delivered to their store. We had plenty of people in the store, so I decided to take their food to them. As I was walking back to the Chick, I decided to call my mom and say hello. I don't really know why, but I did. She answered the phone in a very hushed voice and proceeded to tell me that she was in the ER with my dad and he'd had a heart attack and she'd been about to text us all to let us know what was going on.
There are moments in life where time stands still, just for a second, before reality rushes back in. And it's when time stops that things focus and crystallize and sharpen for the briefest of seconds in such a way that it takes your breath away. What matters most to us? Where do we place our trust? When time stops, you have your answer. However, when we're in the midst of the routine and mundane, we so often forget what matters most and live our lives in such a way that no one would ever know what's important to us. More on that in a moment.
For now, I am happy to report that my dad is stable and doing well. My mom found him in the bathroom not feeling well and took him right to the ER, where they were able to get tests run and treatment done immediately. They did the balloon thing and placed a stent in his artery, which cleared the blockage, allowed the blood flow to return to all parts of the heart and the damage done during the heart attack to be reversed. Pa is currently in the ICU for the evening just to be safe, but should be transferred to a normal room tomorrow and leave the hospital on Monday at the latest. He'll be on meds and have some diet and exercise instructions, but he should be fine. I am completely grateful.
When I got off the phone with my mom, I sat on a bench in the middle of the mall and tried not to panic or have a total meltdown. There were a few things I knew for sure - I was 11 hours away from my parents and could do nothing but wait, I had to trust God to take care of my dad and trust that He was in total control, and I didn't want anything to happen to my dad. I've been a daddy's girl my entire life and my dad is one of my most favorite people ever. Even the thought of him not being around made it difficult to stand up and go back to work (and thanks for my work caring enough to send me home on a busy Saturday so I could concentrate on my family!). For those of you who know my dad, you know what a fantastic man he is and how much he brightens the lives of those around him. I can't express my thankfulness that his time with us isn't done yet.
I would like to take a moment and say thank you to all of you who have responded so kindly to me and my family today, offering your support and prayers. It means a lot to know that there are so many who care and that we're not alone walking through the stuff of life. And it is on that note that I want to focus the rest of this blog. I am completely exhausted and not really filtering my words, so keep reading at your own risk as I seek to process some of the thoughts that have been rolling around in my head.
I have been home from Greece for a week-and-a-half. I had an incredible time there and truly loved all of the adventures and experiences that I got to have. That's a post for another day (but I have included a few pictures to help break up all the words!), but what I want to talk about now is how difficult it has been to come back from Greece and deal with reentry. I never in a million years thought I would have as much trouble adjusting back to US culture as I have, but it's been really tough for me. I know that when you go on vacation or are away from home, you're not necessarily living a normal life of working and such, but the culture in Greece is different than here. Life is simpler and there is more of a focus on connectedness and community. Even meals are eaten that way - you get several dishes and pass them around the table and everyone shares. And I loved it. Getting outside of what is comfortable and known and slowing down and just enjoying spending time with some awesome people gave me a bit of clarity on what I have been missing out on here.
How often in our normal days do we pause and truly connect with others? Or are we so busy rushing through what has to get done that we don't have time for that? Is it normal to pray for other people? We tell people we'll pray for them, but do we really? Do we call someone to check on them or take a moment to offer an encouraging word, just because? How often do we gather together and just enjoy hanging out, with no real agenda? How often do we ask for help in a time of need without feeling guilty for putting someone else out? Do we even ask for help or admit we're struggling or do we just take care of things ourselves? I am afraid that the culture we have grown accustomed to here has gotten in the way of real life. In America, our culture applauds individuality and independence and climbing the ladder and moving forward. And not that those things are bad in and of themselves, but when we miss true life - the abundant life God has made us for, especially on a relational level - we're missing the point.
I understand that we do live in America and we have to work to live and all that jazz. But just ponder this for at least a moment....is our lifestyle and culture worth it if we are missing out on deep relationships and community and knowing others and being known? Is driving whatever car worth it if you don't know your neighbor? I don't claim to have all the answers or even know how I'm going to go about resolving this in my own life. But I do know this....I tasted community and connectedness and simplicity in Greece, and it was awesome. I felt like the time I spent there was closer to how I was created to be and I was reminded of the importance of sharing life with others. Is my life insane and crazy busy as I try to work full-time and go to school full-time? Yes. Am I determined to figure out how to live my life more connected and in more community with others even in the midst of that? Yes. Not sure what it will look like yet, but I'll get back to you!
Today crystallized all of these ponderings for me. When time stopped for a moment, I knew two things: Jesus was with me, and I had people I could call. I know we can't live our whole lives in the heightened awareness that comes when time stands still, but I do know this: I don't want to miss the best of what God has made me for because I'm so busy with "life" that I have no time for life.
If you've made it this far, thanks for reading my musing rant. I'm sure there will be more processing to come as I continue to wrestle with all that comes from adjusting back to life here. Feel free to leave your own thoughts in the comments. Thanks again for praying for my family during this time - I will keep you posted! Happy 4th of July!
There are moments in life where time stands still, just for a second, before reality rushes back in. And it's when time stops that things focus and crystallize and sharpen for the briefest of seconds in such a way that it takes your breath away. What matters most to us? Where do we place our trust? When time stops, you have your answer. However, when we're in the midst of the routine and mundane, we so often forget what matters most and live our lives in such a way that no one would ever know what's important to us. More on that in a moment.
For now, I am happy to report that my dad is stable and doing well. My mom found him in the bathroom not feeling well and took him right to the ER, where they were able to get tests run and treatment done immediately. They did the balloon thing and placed a stent in his artery, which cleared the blockage, allowed the blood flow to return to all parts of the heart and the damage done during the heart attack to be reversed. Pa is currently in the ICU for the evening just to be safe, but should be transferred to a normal room tomorrow and leave the hospital on Monday at the latest. He'll be on meds and have some diet and exercise instructions, but he should be fine. I am completely grateful.
When I got off the phone with my mom, I sat on a bench in the middle of the mall and tried not to panic or have a total meltdown. There were a few things I knew for sure - I was 11 hours away from my parents and could do nothing but wait, I had to trust God to take care of my dad and trust that He was in total control, and I didn't want anything to happen to my dad. I've been a daddy's girl my entire life and my dad is one of my most favorite people ever. Even the thought of him not being around made it difficult to stand up and go back to work (and thanks for my work caring enough to send me home on a busy Saturday so I could concentrate on my family!). For those of you who know my dad, you know what a fantastic man he is and how much he brightens the lives of those around him. I can't express my thankfulness that his time with us isn't done yet.
I would like to take a moment and say thank you to all of you who have responded so kindly to me and my family today, offering your support and prayers. It means a lot to know that there are so many who care and that we're not alone walking through the stuff of life. And it is on that note that I want to focus the rest of this blog. I am completely exhausted and not really filtering my words, so keep reading at your own risk as I seek to process some of the thoughts that have been rolling around in my head.
I have been home from Greece for a week-and-a-half. I had an incredible time there and truly loved all of the adventures and experiences that I got to have. That's a post for another day (but I have included a few pictures to help break up all the words!), but what I want to talk about now is how difficult it has been to come back from Greece and deal with reentry. I never in a million years thought I would have as much trouble adjusting back to US culture as I have, but it's been really tough for me. I know that when you go on vacation or are away from home, you're not necessarily living a normal life of working and such, but the culture in Greece is different than here. Life is simpler and there is more of a focus on connectedness and community. Even meals are eaten that way - you get several dishes and pass them around the table and everyone shares. And I loved it. Getting outside of what is comfortable and known and slowing down and just enjoying spending time with some awesome people gave me a bit of clarity on what I have been missing out on here.
How often in our normal days do we pause and truly connect with others? Or are we so busy rushing through what has to get done that we don't have time for that? Is it normal to pray for other people? We tell people we'll pray for them, but do we really? Do we call someone to check on them or take a moment to offer an encouraging word, just because? How often do we gather together and just enjoy hanging out, with no real agenda? How often do we ask for help in a time of need without feeling guilty for putting someone else out? Do we even ask for help or admit we're struggling or do we just take care of things ourselves? I am afraid that the culture we have grown accustomed to here has gotten in the way of real life. In America, our culture applauds individuality and independence and climbing the ladder and moving forward. And not that those things are bad in and of themselves, but when we miss true life - the abundant life God has made us for, especially on a relational level - we're missing the point.
I understand that we do live in America and we have to work to live and all that jazz. But just ponder this for at least a moment....is our lifestyle and culture worth it if we are missing out on deep relationships and community and knowing others and being known? Is driving whatever car worth it if you don't know your neighbor? I don't claim to have all the answers or even know how I'm going to go about resolving this in my own life. But I do know this....I tasted community and connectedness and simplicity in Greece, and it was awesome. I felt like the time I spent there was closer to how I was created to be and I was reminded of the importance of sharing life with others. Is my life insane and crazy busy as I try to work full-time and go to school full-time? Yes. Am I determined to figure out how to live my life more connected and in more community with others even in the midst of that? Yes. Not sure what it will look like yet, but I'll get back to you!
Today crystallized all of these ponderings for me. When time stopped for a moment, I knew two things: Jesus was with me, and I had people I could call. I know we can't live our whole lives in the heightened awareness that comes when time stands still, but I do know this: I don't want to miss the best of what God has made me for because I'm so busy with "life" that I have no time for life.
If you've made it this far, thanks for reading my musing rant. I'm sure there will be more processing to come as I continue to wrestle with all that comes from adjusting back to life here. Feel free to leave your own thoughts in the comments. Thanks again for praying for my family during this time - I will keep you posted! Happy 4th of July!
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