Thoughts On Life

So today started out as any normal Saturday would - I got up to go to work. At some point around 10:30, Macy's called our store and placed an order to be delivered to their store. We had plenty of people in the store, so I decided to take their food to them. As I was walking back to the Chick, I decided to call my mom and say hello. I don't really know why, but I did. She answered the phone in a very hushed voice and proceeded to tell me that she was in the ER with my dad and he'd had a heart attack and she'd been about to text us all to let us know what was going on.

There are moments in life where time stands still, just for a second, before reality rushes back in. And it's when time stops that things focus and crystallize and sharpen for the briefest of seconds in such a way that it takes your breath away. What matters most to us? Where do we place our trust? When time stops, you have your answer. However, when we're in the midst of the routine and mundane, we so often forget what matters most and live our lives in such a way that no one would ever know what's important to us. More on that in a moment.

For now, I am happy to report that my dad is stable and doing well. My mom found him in the bathroom not feeling well and took him right to the ER, where they were able to get tests run and treatment done immediately. They did the balloon thing and placed a stent in his artery, which cleared the blockage, allowed the blood flow to return to all parts of the heart and the damage done during the heart attack to be reversed. Pa is currently in the ICU for the evening just to be safe, but should be transferred to a normal room tomorrow and leave the hospital on Monday at the latest. He'll be on meds and have some diet and exercise instructions, but he should be fine. I am completely grateful.

When I got off the phone with my mom, I sat on a bench in the middle of the mall and tried not to panic or have a total meltdown. There were a few things I knew for sure - I was 11 hours away from my parents and could do nothing but wait, I had to trust God to take care of my dad and trust that He was in total control, and I didn't want anything to happen to my dad. I've been a daddy's girl my entire life and my dad is one of my most favorite people ever. Even the thought of him not being around made it difficult to stand up and go back to work (and thanks for my work caring enough to send me home on a busy Saturday so I could concentrate on my family!). For those of you who know my dad, you know what a fantastic man he is and how much he brightens the lives of those around him. I can't express my thankfulness that his time with us isn't done yet.

I would like to take a moment and say thank you to all of you who have responded so kindly to me and my family today, offering your support and prayers. It means a lot to know that there are so many who care and that we're not alone walking through the stuff of life. And it is on that note that I want to focus the rest of this blog. I am completely exhausted and not really filtering my words, so keep reading at your own risk as I seek to process some of the thoughts that have been rolling around in my head.

I have been home from Greece for a week-and-a-half. I had an incredible time there and truly loved all of the adventures and experiences that I got to have. That's a post for another day (but I have included a few pictures to help break up all the words!), but what I want to talk about now is how difficult it has been to come back from Greece and deal with reentry. I never in a million years thought I would have as much trouble adjusting back to US culture as I have, but it's been really tough for me. I know that when you go on vacation or are away from home, you're not necessarily living a normal life of working and such, but the culture in Greece is different than here. Life is simpler and there is more of a focus on connectedness and community. Even meals are eaten that way - you get several dishes and pass them around the table and everyone shares. And I loved it. Getting outside of what is comfortable and known and slowing down and just enjoying spending time with some awesome people gave me a bit of clarity on what I have been missing out on here.

How often in our normal days do we pause and truly connect with others? Or are we so busy rushing through what has to get done that we don't have time for that? Is it normal to pray for other people? We tell people we'll pray for them, but do we really? Do we call someone to check on them or take a moment to offer an encouraging word, just because? How often do we gather together and just enjoy hanging out, with no real agenda? How often do we ask for help in a time of need without feeling guilty for putting someone else out? Do we even ask for help or admit we're struggling or do we just take care of things ourselves? I am afraid that the culture we have grown accustomed to here has gotten in the way of real life. In America, our culture applauds individuality and independence and climbing the ladder and moving forward. And not that those things are bad in and of themselves, but when we miss true life - the abundant life God has made us for, especially on a relational level - we're missing the point.

I understand that we do live in America and we have to work to live and all that jazz. But just ponder this for at least a moment....is our lifestyle and culture worth it if we are missing out on deep relationships and community and knowing others and being known? Is driving whatever car worth it if you don't know your neighbor? I don't claim to have all the answers or even know how I'm going to go about resolving this in my own life. But I do know this....I tasted community and connectedness and simplicity in Greece, and it was awesome. I felt like the time I spent there was closer to how I was created to be and I was reminded of the importance of sharing life with others. Is my life insane and crazy busy as I try to work full-time and go to school full-time? Yes. Am I determined to figure out how to live my life more connected and in more community with others even in the midst of that? Yes. Not sure what it will look like yet, but I'll get back to you!

Today crystallized all of these ponderings for me. When time stopped for a moment, I knew two things: Jesus was with me, and I had people I could call. I know we can't live our whole lives in the heightened awareness that comes when time stands still, but I do know this: I don't want to miss the best of what God has made me for because I'm so busy with "life" that I have no time for life.

If you've made it this far, thanks for reading my musing rant. I'm sure there will be more processing to come as I continue to wrestle with all that comes from adjusting back to life here. Feel free to leave your own thoughts in the comments. Thanks again for praying for my family during this time - I will keep you posted! Happy 4th of July!