It Is Well With My Soul

"It Is Well" has always been one of my favorite hymns to sing. The lyrics are so powerful and whenever I hear them sung by a crowd of people, it's almost as if you get just a tiny glimpse into heaven. I don't know if you know the story of how the hymn came to be written, but Brother recently wrote a paper that talked about this song, and I have been reading one of the books he had about it.

Horatio Gates Spafford was a businessman who lived in Chicago. During the great Chicago fire, he lost everything - his business, his real estate investments - it all went up in flames. After the fire and dealing with all that came with that, he had the opportunity to take his family on a vacation over to Europe. At the very last minute, a business opportunity came up, so he sent his wife and 4 daughters ahead on the boat without him, planning to join them shortly after they arrived. On the way across the ocean, their boat was hit by another ship, and it sank in 12 minutes, leaving little time for people to be rescued. Not long after word of the accident reached him, Horatio received a telegram from his wife that said, "Saved. Alone." It was on the boat on the way to meet her over in Paris where she had been taken after her rescue, not long after the captain of the ship showed him the place where the boat had gone down, that he wrote the words to "It Is Well".

The book I have been reading is called, "Finding Anna" by Christine Schaub, and it is a novel - historical fiction - about the events that led to the writing of this hymn. There is a conversation towards the end of the book that Horatio has with an older woman who lost her husband years ago in a tragedy that has stuck in my head since I read it. I share part of it here....It begins with her sharing about her pastor coming to see her after her husband first died.

"He sat by my bed, opened his old Bible, and quoted promise after promise. And I believed not a word of it." She leaned forward, forcing Spafford to look her full in the face. "But then he said something I will never forget. He closed the Bible and looked at me with those piercing eyes and said, 'Even despair will run its course. What will you do, Carrie? What will you do with your life when you are ready again to live it?' He didn't wait for an answer, and I didn't have one. But the question rattled around and around in my head for days afterward. And when despair had run its course, just as he said, I had a plan. It was a small plan. And God took care of the rest." The bill arrived and Spafford paid it....He'd gone just a few steps when he heard Carrie call out, "Mr. Spafford-" He turned, and she looked at him with eyes that were both old with wisdom and bright with promise. "I know you can hardly imagine it. But one day - not tomorrow, maybe not for a full year - but one day, you will be able to look up without the weight of rage and guilt and declare, 'It is well....it is well with my soul.'"

Can I just say that I have found this to be true? The journey of healing is a funny thing. But if I've learned nothing in these last few years, I have learned that God is faithful, He does redeem and restore, He makes all things beautiful in His time, and His healing.....it is deep, it is powerful, it is painful, it is glorious, and in time, it does allow us to declare, with complete and transparent honesty, "It is well. It is well with my soul." And as I stand on the precipice of yet more change, of a new adventure, of new things happening in life even now, in the midst of uncertainty and not having all of the answers, I mean that with all that I am. As the hymn declares, "Even so, it is well with my soul."

We will all have at least one "dark night of the soul"....some may be for a night only. Some dark nights may last for years. But it is my prayer that in our dark nights, we will remember that joy comes in the morning, and that even when we can't imagine how, we will cling to our Savior, believing He will bring us to a place where we can declare the words of this hymn and mean them.

I close this post with the lyrics of the hymn that Horatio Spafford penned out of a broken heart and confused soul, trusting God to make it so.

When peace like a river attendeth my way
When sorrows like sea-billows roll
Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say
It is well, it is well with my soul

Tho' Satan should buffet, tho' trials should come
Let this blest assurance control
That Christ hath regarded my helpless estate
And hath shed His own blood for my soul

My sin - oh the bliss of this glorious thought!
My sin - not in part but the whole
Is nailed to His cross and I bear it no more
Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, oh my soul

And Lord, haste the day when the faith shall be sight
The clouds be rolled back as a scroll
The trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend
Even so - it is well with my soul

For me, be it Christ, be it Christ hence to live
If Jordan above me shall roll
No pang shall be mine, for in death as in life
Thou shalt whisper Thy peace to my soul

God Is Great, Beer Is Good, & People Are Crazy

Greetings to you all from the glorious south! I have been here for the weekend for the wedding of a very close family friend. More on that in a moment. First, to explain the title of this blog...on Friday morning, Michael and I were on the way to the airport, and we were listening to country music on the radio. A song came on, and the chorus said, "God is great, beer is good, and people are crazy." We laughed for about 5 minutes about it, and now after a weekend back here, I have decided that most country music has been written in the south - or at least inspired by the south! :)

So the wedding.... My parents' best friends are Bob and Karen Freeman. They met each other when my mom was pregnant with me, so I've known them for my entire life. The Freeman family had 3 kids that are me and my brothers' ages, and then they kept going and had 3 more. When we were growing up, we were always together, and my mom and Aunt Karen were frequently seen in public toting 9 kids with them! The Freemans are as close to family as you can be, and they are a part of so many of my favorite memories growing up. It was an honor to be here to celebrate as their 4th child, Nathan, got married this weekend. Here are some pictures and stories from our time.

Here are the 3 Freeman sisters and me. Hannah's holding her son Grant, who will appear in other photos!

Mother of the groom (AUNTIE K!!) on the right, with friend Laura as they were dressed alike.

The cute little Pa

Here are Nathan and Whitni as they were being prayed over at the rehearsal dinner.

Now some pictures of the brothers and cousin and a couple of us holding the cute baby!



Here are some pictures from the wedding. This is Nathan as his bride was walking towards him, Jack watching Nathan, and the three sisters as bridesmaids.



During the wedding, all of the parents gathered around the bride and groom and prayed over them. It was really cool!

The beautiful bride and groom

After the wedding, we took lots of pictures with lots of people. Here are me and Nikki, the family, and then the next picture is my parents with Rich and Judy. They were missionaries for many years and are very dear friends of our family.



We grew up going to the same church for many years, and the people in this photo were all a part of that church. We've known them all for 20 plus years!

Here is a picture of all of the Freeman/Jones kids, plus our cousin Joey, minus 2 of the Freeman kids!

Going back to the title of my blog, God is great, as evidenced by the miracle of joining a man and woman in marriage. Beer (or other alcohol) is good, as evidenced by....well, fill in the blank with your own stories....and people are most definitely crazy. Being around old friends and family has been so much fun - we've shared laughter and stories and many fun times. If you need a little proof, here is this picture. This is my mom and 4 of her closest friends cramming in the photo booth that was at the wedding. This was a funny moment!

I think this blog is long enough for now, so I'll put an end to it. I am thankful for this weekend and the opportunity I've had to spend time with some of my favorite people in the world! I'll head back to the Great White North tomorrow for my next to last week of work and lots of fun times. More updates to come soon!

Thank You!

Hi everybody! I just wanted to post a quick update and let you know how things are going. I am SLOWLY starting to feel like I am getting better. A lot of the worst symptoms are starting to fade, and I am beginning to think there may just be a light at the end of the tunnel. I'm still really tired and also fighting the mad pollen that is floating around outside, but I'm hanging in there. I did want to say thank you for your prayers and hugs over this last week. I do think that there are times when that has helped carry me through a moment of panic or my body feeling horrible or whatever. Jesus has been so faithful to me in every way, so thank you for being a part of His faithfulness.

In the midst of all of the physical issues that I have been battling, God has also really been working in my heart, digging deeper to another layer to bring more and more healing to my life. This can be a painful process at times, but it has also been an incredibly beautiful time to walk through. Sometimes God speaks to us in gentle, quiet ways. Sometimes He shouts His message loud and clear from the rooftops. And this week, He has been in my face with the reminder of how much He loves me. He loves me just for who I am - for who He specially created me to be - and that is enough.

Not long after I moved here, I wrote a post about being free, which if you wish, you can read here. I have been reminded of that day again lately. Because of what Christ did on the cross, I am free for eternity. But eternity has already started, and I'm free now too. I needed that reminder this week and am thankful for God's faithfulness in providing tangible evidence of His love for me. I hope that as we all go through this week, we will live in the freedom that comes from knowing Christ. Thanks again for your prayers - don't stop! :) Much love to you all...

Withdrawal

Greetings from the Great White North, where it is cold and rainy outside and the sun has forgotten how to shine. I looked at the 10 day weather forecast the other day, and every day for 10 days, it said cloudy or rainy. There was not a single sunshine picture!! Sigh.... Remind me when I'm melting in Orlando in July of these cool days, okay??

Anyway, I thought I'd share an update with you guys on this whole anxiety journey I have been on. As I mentioned in a previous post, which you can read a few entries below, I started taking some medication for anxiety to help me get through this time. Well....it has been quite awful! The medicine I got put on was klonopin, and may I please say - don't EVER take this drug!!!! Although it did help me to relax, I ended up having an allergic reaction to it and had to stop taking it immediately. That is problem number one because you make the withdrawal symptoms worse when you stop it suddenly. As I had no choice, too bad for me. It's also a highly addictive drug, and the withdrawal from it is similar to what an alcoholic's is like.

It has been 10 days since I have had any, and I am in the midst of the most awful withdrawal. I have never been through anything like this before, and may I just say, it is not pleasant! I will spare you the details of all of the symptoms, but if you're interested in what they are, click here and scroll down to the list of symptoms. I can say that I am experiencing about 85% of the listed conditions. Awesome.

In the midst of all this madness - and in some of the worst symptoms I've had in this whole process - a friend of mine came to visit over the weekend. Karen and I were best friends in middle school and our freshman year of high school, and then her family moved to VA. In the 15 years since then, we've only seen each other once, and that was 7 years ago, although we have stayed in touch through the years. She'd never been to Boston, so she got to come and hopefully experience a great tour of the city, even though I could barely stand up! All the pictures in the post are from our time downtown. The one of the two of us was after we spent about 8 hours in the city while I was in serious detox. Not too horrible of a picture, right??

Apparently when you go through withdrawal, your symptoms peak, then they plateau, and then they gradually start to improve. All of this can take at least twice as long as you were actually on the medication, if not longer. I'm hoping that this weekend was the peak and that I'm in the midst of the plateau and that really really really soon I will start to improve. I'm having a hard time eating - not much of an appetite, nausea, etc. - and I've already lost at least 5 pounds.

For those of you who know me well, you know I'm a "fix-it" kind of girl. Encounter problem, figure out solution, fix problem, and move on. Only problem in this is that there really isn't a way to fix it. You just have to suck it up and go through it. I have also always kind of figured that in the midst of crap, God is surely trying to teach me some sort of lesson, and the sooner I learn it, the sooner the crap will go away. Except for I don't really believe that anymore after these last 2 years. I do think God uses our circumstances to help refine our faith and smooth away the rough edges, but I don't think the circumstances changing depend on whether or not we've "learned our lesson".

So what now? Folks, I'll be honest - I'm barely hanging in there. It is seriously taking every ounce of everything that I have to make it through these days, fighting my body's reaction, trying to work, just trying to survive. But in the midst of it all, I am clinging to God, trusting that He hasn't fallen asleep, and having great sympathy for those who are drug addicts and people who go through withdrawal. I know now how people end up as addicts because in the worst of all of this, all I wanted to do was take a pill to make it better. Thankfully, God has given me what I needed through each moment (and all pills have been flushed!), but I do have a much better sensitivity towards those who end up where they never dreamed of getting. Hey - this is a good lesson to learn, right? Can we move on now please?? :)

Anyway, for those of you who are my Massachusetts friends, hug me whenever you see me. Hugs are good. For those of you who are my Georgia friends or people from elsewhere in the country, hug me through your prayers. I need them. God is sufficient. His power is made perfect in my weakness. And He carries me when I can't walk.....but I'd prefer that on this particular adventure, He not carry me to a tiny room with padded walls!! :)

Thanks for your support, encouragement, prayer and love. Means more than you know. And maybe even asking for prayer helps - I ate a banana while I wrote this post! I'll keep you guys updated on this journey as it continues to unfold...Beauty out of ashes....spring out of winter....please God, let it be so.