Reflections

Greetings and Happy New Year! I always love this time of year because it gives me a chance to look back over a year and see all that has transpired, as well as look forward to a year that stands before me as a completely blank slate. There is much to share and catch you all up on, so let's get to it!

First of all, as I look back over this year, I am sometimes amazed at where God has brought me. Let's be honest - 2009 was not my favorite year, as it was a difficult one to walk through. And yet, it was also a great year because of where God has brought me. I began the year in the Great White North, with this as my reality...


I will admit that I miss the snow. I loved watching it fall and seeing what the world looked like blanketed in fresh new snow. But that is all I miss of the Great White North's winters!!!

In February, I came down to Orlando to go to Disney World for my birthday with my mom, Nikki and Jenn. We had a blast, and it was during this trip that I was secretly looking around, determining if this was where I was going to move or not. In the end, the chance to share life with my "sisters", living near Disney, and being in the warm sunshine helped me decide that this was going to be the next step in my journey.

Then March arrived, and with it, the beginning of anxiety attacks and a journey that has been unlike anything I have ever walked through. For those of you who have followed my story, you know that I have struggled with anxiety and such for most of this year. I have tried it all, including medication - none of which worked because I am so sensitive to drugs. I haven't shared much lately on this front, so let me do so now. After trying several medications, we all reached the conclusion that the drug route wasn't going to work for me. The solution? Continue on in counseling and walk through the healing that would bring. This isn't always the preferable solution because it takes longer. But in the end, it is complete because you are actually working through the anxieties and dealing with the causes of it.

God has shown me much mercy in this because He led me to a fantastic counselor who was just who I needed to walk with me through this journey. The process has been hard and difficult and continues to be so. But we are working through many layers and roots and dealing with everything, and through this, the anxiety is subsiding. You guys know that I have dealt with heart palpitations for most of the year, as that is how my body reacted to the anxiety. I might have a random palpitation here and there now, but it has been over 6 weeks since I have had a day or a night full of palpitations. That in and of itself is a miracle and is physical evidence of the continued healing God is doing in my life. I am filled with hope and anticipation at what God is up to as He continues deep healing. I am a firm believer that everyone should go to counseling, even if you think you don't need it! :)

At the end of June, Nikki and I arrived in Florida! Let's be honest - we had no idea what we were getting ourselves into! :) But we were excited to begin this new journey and see what would happen.

And now, we have lived here for 6 months. That is crazy to me! And to be honest, not much has changed. Neither of us still have permanent full-time jobs. This is a problem that must be rectified immediately if we wish to stay here and be able to eat and pay bills. We haven't found a church home that we truly connect with yet. This is also something that must change immediately. And we also must find a community of people to get plugged into and share life with. Despite all of the unknowns and the things that do need to happen, we have had a blast getting to be roommates, sharing life together, and going to Disney World as often as possible!

2009 brought other changes to our lives as a family. My parents moved to Baltimore full time. One brother got engaged. The other brother is also in a serious relationship. 2010 brings at least one wedding, changing our family forever - but for the good. It will be cool to see what God has in store in this area for all involved!


Ellie continued to be a great cat this year, and I am quite proud of how well she did driving in the car all the way from Massachusetts to Florida. She makes me smile everyday and has been quite the good sport this Christmas!


As 2009 closes, I truly am thankful for what God has brought me through and the work He has done in my life. It's really impossible to imagine what 2010 will hold, but I know He holds it, and that is enough. As I go through these next few weeks, I will pass the day that would have been my 4th wedding anniversary, I will celebrate my 32nd birthday, and I will move past the 3 year mark of when Jeff left. And when I think about who I am now compared to who I was 4 years ago, I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that God's word is true. He does use all things for our good and His glory, He does bring beauty from ashes, and He is faithful to complete the work He has begun in us all. So despite the unknowns that surround pretty much every area of my life, I know that, and it is because of Jesus that I can look forward to 2010 with great hope, expectation, and joy.

I sincerely wish all of you a very Happy New Year, and it is my hope that 2010 marks a year for us all that we experience continued growth and remain in awe at the miracles that God performs, as we celebrate the gift that each day is!