Catching Up, Reflections and Randomness

So as a blog writer, I am totally fired. It's been a month-and-a-half since my last blog. Since I began this blog 4 years ago, I do believe this is the longest break between entries that I have ever had. It comes with good reason, as I have just been trying to survive an intense period of time of work and school, but still. I shall try to do a bit of catch up now and for the two of you who might still read this, have no fear - many more blogs are coming in the very near future! Why? Well, 3 weeks from tomorrow, I am leaving for Greece!!!

I am soooo excited to go, and even though I will be taking a class while there, we will be doing a ton of sightseeing, and I know the entire experience is going to be incredible. I can't wait to share pictures and stories and adventures with you, so be on the lookout for those posts beginning in June (the trip is June 6-22). I'm also thrilled because Nikki is going with me, and I know that the trip will be so awesome to be able to share it with her and other close friends from school.

School is going very well, although I must admit that it is exhausting. I took an extra class during the spring semester, which meant that for the last seven weeks of the semester, I was taking 3 classes at once. I was working at least 35 hours a week, in class 3 nights a week, and trying to get all of my homework/tests/projects/papers done during the times I was off. This should explain my absence from my blog! I survived, but barely. I am still trying to recover in a lot of ways. The only problem with attempting to recover is that 3 days after spring semester ended, I started my first summer class. It's my psychopathology class, which covers all of the disorders and is the hardest class I've had to this point. I love it, find it fascinating, but the entire class is taking place in five weeks, which puts a bit of a strain on getting things done in time. A few days after this class ends, I leave for Greece, and then I start my next summer class a few days after returning home. A little nutty, but I'm attempting to balance truly not having much time for breaks if I want to get everything done to taking needed breaks. This is why I am now blogging and may take the rest of the day off from schoolwork, even though I should spend the next 5 hours reading and/or writing. :)

Along with the school and work side of life, in recent days, my parents have also accepted a job for my dad in Nashville and will be moving in a few weeks, and I am having to decide whether or not to have surgery to remove my "containing nodules with suspicious cells" thyroid when I return from Greece. More details to come on all of that at some point, but for now, let me just say that I would appreciate your prayers for wisdom and balance and strength and bravery in pretty much all areas of life right now. I know I'm right where I am supposed to be, but it's also not easy. I'm in the process of learning how to extend grace to myself and appreciate what does get done, instead of fretting about what may or may not be.

For a random picture, and an attempt to break up a post with lots of words, here is a cute picture of my cat:

This was her sleeping on her pillow one morning. Thankfully she is very cute and usually makes me smile. :)

Finally, in a bit of reflection....I honestly don't notice dates much anymore, simply due to passage of time and healing and the fact that life does go on. However, I noticed what date it was today and had a kind of "oh yeah" moment. Otherwise it really would have passed me by as just another day. On May 15th four years ago, my divorce was finalized. I can't believe it's been that long. I can't believe what has happened in my life in the four years since. This blog is an amazing tale of adventures and the faithfulness of God as He has walked with me through this time. I am truly grateful for every moment.

I just finished a paper for my class that I had to write on my own pathology - what the issues are that I have battled and still struggle with and how they came to be. An exceptionally depressing paper to write if you look at it apart from Christ, but with hope...well, it changes everything. I'll share my conclusion of my paper here to end this blog because it sums up well these last four years. Thank you for walking this journey with me, for your support, love and encouragement and for praying for me. Many more entries to come soon, so stick around! :) And now for the conclusion...(the book quoted is "To Be Told" by Dan Allender)

In some ways, looking back over family history and examining your story in more detail can be a painful experience. It brings you face to face with the depth of the depravity of man. If I look simply at the sin, patterns, habits and defense mechanisms that have followed my family down through generations, it makes me sad to see how the choices we all make affect ourselves and those who come after us in ways we are unaware of and certainly do not intend. Thankfully, the story does not stop there. There is an answer that gives hope and allows for healing, and it is found in the person of Jesus Christ. Because of Him, it allows for this description of life to be true in our story: "It is about how we came to be who we are (Creation), how we lost ourselves (the Fall), what it means to discover the name God has written for us (redemption), and how the ending of our story reflects the great consummation of God’s story (His coming). Our plot is an encounter with the heartache and dreams and desires related to our personal tragedies – the events of our life that occur between fall and redemption and, ultimately, glorification” (Allender, 2005, p. 15). Thanks be to God that this paper and the contents within it are not the end. Even in my own journey and the journey of my family, God is at work healing and restoring and redeeming. As difficult as the hard times have been to walk through, and as difficult as some days still are and will be in future times of adversity, I am thankful God loved me enough to introduce me to myself and let me come face to face with the things that keep me the farthest from Him. In that introduction, He is walking with me through the healing process, and I am confident that the One who started this work in me will carry it out to its completion when all things will be made new.

Tidbits

Greetings to the few of you who still check my blog for updates! I figure since March is almost over I should probably check in and let you know what's happening. I truly don't have much time to post blog updates, but sometimes you have to make time to share the things that are going on. So this post will be a random collection of tidbits of the recent happenings in the life of me.

To begin with, school is awesome! I love it and am really enjoying my classes. However, I have added an extra class for the last half of this semester, and it has made life quite interesting. I now have class 3 nights a week instead of just 2, and adding that extra night really does make a big difference. I am taking a Play Therapy class though that I absolutely love, and since that is the extra class, it makes the additional stress somewhat okay. :) I'll try to write a separate post soon about what Play Therapy is and how I hope to incorporate it with my clients someday, but suffice it to say that I'm super excited and am enjoying learning about something that I feel like I was made to do!

Work is going well. We are beginning to pick up with spring breakers and as we get closer to summer, we will get busier and busier. I got to be the baby cow on Saturday at the store and had a blast! I danced around, gave people high fives, gave kids little mini-cows and even blew some kisses. It was a fun time. Here I am as the cow:

My dear friend Jenn had baby number 2 on Friday, and I finally got to go visit her at the hospital today. As I was holding baby Mia, I couldn't help but marvel at the creation and design God has in place for new life. I don't see how it's possible to watch a baby grow in someone for 9 months and then hold the new creation and not believe in God. The way He creates is amazing and getting to hold a brand new life is one of the greatest privileges!


Prior to going to the hospital, I met my friends Liz & Tony, who are in town for the weekend, and we got to go see a Braves spring training game. It was sooooo hot (hence my wilted appearance when holding Mia - what happens after you spend 3 hours sweating!), but it was so much fun! It was great to see them and catch up some, and of course I always love watching some baseball. Liz and I bonded many years ago over our mutual love for sports, and even though it's nice to visit and catch up, I must confess I love going to games with people who love the game as much as me and like watching it! :) This was the 3rd game I've been to this spring and the first one the Braves lost, so I'm blaming Liz for that one. :) The regular season finally starts Thursday night - I can't wait! Although I won't have much time to watch any games, there is just something more right with the world when baseball season is going on.


Today is my baby brother Michael's 29th birthday! Happy birthday brother! I can't believe that next year we will all be in our 30's. I hope that this next year brings him many blessings and fun adventures.

In other random news, my dad was informed on Thursday that his job was being eliminated. That came as quite a shock, as he was just coming up on his first anniversary with this company. My parents don't know what they will be doing next, as there are many factors to continue. Please pray that my dad will find something soon that will provide for them and that will be a good fit for him and for the family circumstances that have to be considered. There is certainly never a dull moment in life, is there? If nothing else, this job allowed my parents to be back in GA for some significant family events that took place this past year, including my grandmother's surgery, so I know they are thankful they have been there. I also know they would like to stay there, but they are trusting God to direct this next step. I will certainly keep you posted.

I think that is all of my tidbits for now. I have a few things to finish up for school before I can sleep, so I shall go for now. I'll try to be better about posting but make no promises until this semester is over! :) Just know this - a lack of posts means insanity in life, and so prayers are always appreciated as I continue on this journey that God has allowed me to travel. There is definitely a sense of balance that I am trying to maintain with work, school, homework, an occasional moment of downtime and some occasional sleep. While this is just for a season, I also want to enjoy this season for what it is and not miss what God is doing everyday around me. So prayers are certainly appreciated, and I'll do my best to keep you updated when I can! Hope you have a great week!

Dreams

When I was a little girl, I remember having 2 dreams for most of my life as I grew up. I wanted to be a teacher, and I wanted to be a wife and a mommy. Well, I actually pursued the teacher track for awhile and found it wasn't for me, so I'm okay for that dream to not have come true. And as for the other dream....it has sometimes seemed nightmarish over the last five years and sometimes it still feels like a dream that could come true.

It's interesting how as we live life and get a little older and go through more experiences - good and bad - it seems easier to just stop dreaming. Or to at least pretend our dreams don't matter that much. That way if they don't come true, we won't be as disappointed. And I do believe there is a fine line to walk with being okay with exactly where God has you, whether or not your dreams come true for your life, and not being afraid to dream. For example, if I am single for the rest of my life, if I never get to be a mom or a wife again, I will be okay. I will live a full life, I will make a difference, and my life will matter. But the dream of my heart still exists.

As much as I go through stages where I think I could never do it again - I could never risk again - something inevitably happens that leads me back to awareness of what my heart is really saying. This past weekend was Nikki's birthday, and we spent Sunday at the Magic Kingdom celebrating. While we were waiting to get on our boat at the Pirates of the Caribbean ride, there was a lengthy delay. We, along with the rest of the line, watched as 3 people tried to get an older lady loaded into the ride. She was completely paralyzed from at least the waist down and it was like taking a limp doll and trying to get her situated in the seat. Once they got her down, her husband sat down next to her, wrapped his arm around her shoulder, and adjusted her hat. I could just imagine him giving her a hard time about how cute she looked with her hat crooked, just to ease the embarrassment of the moment. All of us had tears in our eyes as we watched a visual representation of true love play out before us.

Then today at the mall, I was passing out fliers at the stores. I went into a children's store, and they had their Easter displays out. I have always loved the color lavender and if I were having a little girl would want to paint a nursery lavender instead of pink. They had the most adorable dresses that were lavender and white and lavender and other colors. It hit me like a ton of bricks - the desire that one day I might have a little girl I could put a dress on and have a lavender nursery.

I don't know what God has planned for me, and I know I truly will be okay with whatever He has planned. But the events of the past two days have reminded me that no matter how much the thought of marriage again someday scares me or taking a risk is terrifying, the dreams are still there. And after all this, the fact that the dreams are still there and I do still have hope....well, that is a miracle to me!

So I just wanted to share what I am pondering with all of you. Perhaps you could ponder it too. What are the deepest dreams of your heart? What are you afraid of? Jesus will meet you there, wherever it is. And He will love you enough to not let you stay in your fears and to fan the flames of your dreams so that His even bigger dreams for you can become a reality. I know this from experience! :)

Spring Is Coming

Hi everyone! It's been awhile since I've blogged, but there are a few things to share, so here goes.... First of all, I am feeling MUCH better now! I've been back to work and school for a week now and am completely over the flu/stomach thing I had going on. I am so thankful to be able to eat food again and to feel hungry, and I am enjoying being able to eat ice cream again. :) I did find out that my sinus cavity is still infected, so the antibiotic to try to clear up the infection did not work. I will be seeing an ENT to see what the next step is, but at this point it is expected that they will want me to have surgery to clean out the infection. Not sure if/when that will happen, but we'll see!

In other news, spring has sprung here in Florida! We have blooms everywhere, and it's so beautiful. I love spring. It's a little different here because it's green pretty much all year and it seems like something is always in bloom, but there is still that bursting to life of flowers and trees, and I love it. I love that God gives us spring to remind us that new life always springs forth from death and that sometimes when we least expect it, we will bloom again. I was going to try to take some pictures today when I got home, but my camera battery was dead, so you'll have to be okay with pictures from my phone. Here are a few examples of what I'm getting to see right now...



Another way that I know spring is arriving is because SPRING TRAINING HAS BEGUN!!!!! Hooray for baseball season not being too far away! And yes, I will be going to a few spring training games. What's the fun of living in the same place where the Braves train if you don't take in a few games? Don't worry, I'll take lots of pictures! :)

This blog could not be complete without a quick picture of my fabulous cat. I've mentioned before on my blog that my cat has her own pillow on my bed that she sleeps on. Think what you will, but it's better that than her trying to curl around my head and sleep on mine while she snacks on my hair. This is a much better solution for us all! Plus, she's so adorable....how can you not smile if you wake up to this?? :)

I will try to post again soon and fill you in on school and what's happening there. For now, I must go get some homework done, eat my yummy dinner of sweet potatoes, squash casserole and chicken tenders cooked in hawaiian marinade, and hopefully sleep some before a very long day tomorrow. Hope each of you is doing well, and as the earth begins to come to life wherever you are, you are reminded of God's faithfulness and how much He loves us!

Sickness Update

I ate 6 chicken nuggets and a few french fries for lunch today. Before this past week, that would not have been a monumental event. Now it is! I have been so ridiculously sick, and I thought writing a quick blog update would be the best way to keep everyone informed.

I got sick last Thursday, with a confirmed positive test for Influenza A. That was bad enough by itself. Prior to getting sick, however, I had been on an antibiotic for a month to try to clear up my impacted sinus cavity. I have always been very drug sensitive, and combining finishing a month long antibiotic, getting the flu, and coughing without stopping for four straight days became the perfect storm for my stomach to rebel. Beginning on the evening of my birthday, I got so nauseous, I could not eat or drink hardly anything. That lasted until Wednesday, when I went back to the doctor for help. I was pretty dehydrated by that point and was a little afraid they were going to put me in the hospital, but they let me try to rehydrate myself. I was given anti-nausea medication that took care of the nausea enough that I could begin to drink and eat again. I am still taking that once a day to keep the nausea at bay and to allow myself to be able to keep eating and drinking.

So what's going on? Essentially, it is believed that being on the antibiotic for a month destroyed my stomach, killing the good bacteria. There is concern that I have a bacteria in my intestines that takes over when the good bacteria goes away. So I have had lab tests run and should get those results back on Monday. If that is what is going on, it's an easy fix of taking medicine to get rid of that. I should feel better very quickly after that happens. But for now I have to wait until Monday to find out, so I'm just taking it easy and trying to continue eating and drinking. I am still quite weak and don't have a lot of energy, but I am hanging in there. I have missed work for over a week now and missed classes this past week, so that's pretty stressful, but it could not be helped. I'm hoping I'll get some answers Monday and feel better fast and be able to jump back into the swing of things next week.

My mom came back down yesterday to be with me since Nikki is back at work. It's helpful to have someone here because I haven't been able to drive myself anywhere. She will be here for a few days to take care of me until I'm back on my feet, and I'm grateful to have her around!

I'll keep you posted on what I find out, but continued prayers are appreciated. This has been a really tough week, and it's helped remind me how much we take for granted. We don't think about eating or drinking - we just do it. But when you can't or you feel sick all the time, you realize what a blessing it is to eat and to feel hungry and to have no trouble digesting food. I am looking forward to enjoying my food with more thanksgiving as I am able to eat more and more in the coming days. I can't wait to have some ice cream! :) More to come soon...

It Is What It Is...

Sometimes after class I feel the need to process something that was discussed because it affects me in a profound way or it irritates me or pricks my heart and I know I need to think more about it. A lot of the processing happens with classmates, the roommate, my mom or in counseling, but sometimes I like to share my processing with all of you. So here's a random tidbit of learning for you to think about as well....

Tonight in class my professor was talking about counseling and how that oftentimes, things do not go as planned. Maybe we had something in mind prior to the session that we wanted to do and the client refuses or doesn't really cooperate. Maybe we thought they'd go one direction and they go in the opposite direction instead. Maybe we have no idea what to say or do in that moment. He said some of the best advice he could give us is this: It is what it is....and God is in control. It is what it is - that moment is the reality you are dealing with, so be in that moment and go from there. Even though it's simple, I found that to be very profound. How often do we wish away a moment or wish that our reality was different than it is? But perhaps all God is asking of us is to be present in that moment...to experience all that He has for us, even if it means experiencing the pain or heartache that we desperately want to escape from. Or to be fully present in unimaginable joy, relishing the moment without looking forward and missing it. I don't necessarily have any answers or anything, but this is how I process. So let's process together! What would it be like to approach life with that mindset? It is what it is....and God is in control.

Remembering

This time of year is a cause for remembrance for a lot of people. It's a new year, a chance to reflect back on the year that has just been completed, to take stock and evaluate. It's a time to look forward at an entire year stretching out before you like a blank canvas, waiting to be filled in. It's a time to dream, to create resolutions, to wonder, to celebrate.... And for me, this time of year is a time of remembrance for a little bit of a different reason.

January 14, 2006 was my wedding day. Five years ago this Friday to be exact - well, the wedding was on a Saturday, but you know what I mean! And on this Friday, I won't be celebrating my five year anniversary. Instead, I've been divorced for almost four. There are times when that still makes me stop and shake my head. I wonder if I dreamed that part of my life or if any of it was actually real. So much time has gone by now that January 14th is really just another date. I mean, I think I'll always know what it meant when that day pops up on the calendar, but I really am okay. However, there's just something weird about the five year mark.

Five years is a long time. I think about all I would have been celebrating five years into a marriage. I'm one of those people that thinks it's cool to celebrate five years and ten years and such. Not that you don't celebrate the other years, but I love the "marker" years - the ones that make the year seem even more special, be it a birthday or an anniversary. I think I would have had fun with my fifth anniversary. I might also be celebrating the life of a child - or perhaps more than one child. Who knows. And while I can't help but wonder what life would have looked like, the truth is that it looks very different than how I would have imagined it. If I had written my story, I would not have included this script. But you know what? I wouldn't change a thing.

Don't get me wrong - divorce sucks and I wouldn't wish this experience on anyone. But I am who I am today because of the journey of the last five years. I would not be where I am in life, doing the things I am doing, having had some of the experiences I've had, without this story. I wouldn't be able to be in a counseling program, learning how to walk with other people through their valleys without experiencing my own.

When I walked down the aisle that day five years ago, I was walking toward my groom. But I was also walking to Jesus, saying yes to Him, and pledging to follow Him with my life. The groom might have walked away, but Jesus hasn't. So on this five year mark, I celebrate in new ways. I celebrate life and healing, hope and expectation. I celebrate salvation and redemption and joy. I praise God for loving me enough and caring about me enough to continue His refining of me - even when it's painful and annoying at times. :) And at this time of year, I choose to remember God's faithfulness to me.

Three years ago, I wrote a blog post on what was the first January 14th after my divorce. You can read that entry here if you'd like - it's a pretty good summation of that time in my life. At the end of that entry, I quoted part of a David Crowder song that says this: "After night comes the light, dawn is here.... It's a new day, everything will change, things will never be the same, we will never be the same..." Those words were true then, they're true now, and I think they'll be even truer five years from now. God is faithful to His promises. After night comes the light. He redeems and He restores, and we are never the same.

So happy day of remembrance to me! And a sincere thank you to all of you who have shared the journey with me in some capacity in these five years. I could have never done it alone. Much love, and may God continue to refine as we walk through 2011 together.

Sinus Issues

Greetings and happy Saturday to you all! I have a prayer request to share with you this evening that is somewhat random but important all the same. This is a post that includes a medical discussion about snot, so don't continue reading if that will gross you out. :) I went to the doctor this past week because I had a place on my throat that had been there for about 4 months and I wanted to make sure everything was okay. My throat was fine, which is good, but in the process of looking at that, my doctor told me that he was concerned that I was having constant nasal drip based on the appearance of my throat. Long story short, he took an x-ray of my sinuses and it turns out that one of my front sinus cavities is almost completely blocked with infection and has been for some time. I had no idea this was the case, but it does explain constant drainage and waking up every day with a sore throat.

I have been put on an antibiotic for a month because apparently no ENT will do anything with your sinuses unless you have first tried the antibiotic. At the end of the month of drugs, I will have a CT scan done of my sinus cavity. If it comes back clear, hurray for me - the antibiotics worked! If it does not, the only solution is to have sinus surgery where they will scrape out my sinus to remove the infection. Sounds pleasant, yes? Anyway, he said antibiotics only work on 2 out of 10 people. Here is where the prayer request comes in. Please pray that I will be one of the 2! :) I already barely have time to sleep with work and school and I'd rather not try to fit a surgery in there too.

I've been on the antibiotic for three days now, and for the past 2 days, I have been extremely nauseous as my body was adjusting to the medicine (I love being so drug sensitive..). Today I have not felt well. Either in a total coincidence I am fighting a cold OR the medicine is actually working and my sinus is beginning to drain. Regardless, I have lots o' drainage down my throat, my throat hurts and my head hurts. I was feeling fine until I started the medicine, but if this works, I'll take it.

So that is the news on my poor sinus that I never knew was infected. I'll keep you posted on what happens and again would appreciate the prayers that when it comes time for the CT scan, it will be clear. Another post to come in the next few days, AND school starts back on Tuesday! Have a great weekend!

What I Learned My First Semester of Grad School

Well, Merry Christmas everyone! And happy birthday to my fabulous dad on the day after Christmas! Hope you have all enjoyed your Christmas celebrations and spending time with family. I survived my first Christmas alone, mostly by pretending it wasn't actually Christmas. :) I did get to skype with my family as we opened presents together, and that was fun. I also got to chat on the phone with some awesome people throughout the day, but I spent most of the day on the couch reading. After the madness of the past weeks, it was just what the doctor ordered! I will admit that I hope next Christmas looks a lot different than this one did, but all in all, I'm thankful for the gift God gave to us and that He got me through the day. :) Oh, and Happy New Year too! I started this blog on the day after Christmas, but well....it's just now getting finished!

On to school....I haven't had much time lately to process my first semester of school, but I have time now, and I wanted to share my reflections of what I learned during these past few months. I'm going to try to add some of my favorite recent pictures to the post to help break up the writing. Enjoy reading about all I have learned....

*The professional is the personal
This was probably the one thing I was most unprepared for when I began this program. Any school experience I've had in my life prior to this has been just that - school. You learn some stuff, you do the assignments, and you move on to the next class. In my counseling program, however, everything is personal. Who you are as a person will directly impact who you are as a counselor. Yes, we're being trained and learning skills and helpful information. But through the process, I am being personally transformed. You cannot learn about how to help people through the stuff in their lives without changing yourself. Because of this element, school can sometimes be exhausting. I found myself always thinking about stuff and processing what happened in class or what I was reading because it all impacted me personally. I have grown in ways I never imagined, and I know that will continue throughout the upcoming months.

*Learning about something you're interested in is really fun!
The last time I was in school, I enjoyed it, but in undergrad you have to take so many core classes that you never end up using and that you really don't care about. Every class I am taking has something to do with training to be a counselor, and they are all so interesting! It is really cool to see how much better school is when you are studying a subject that you are excited about and know you are preparing for a specific type of career.

*God made me special and He loves me very much!
Who knew there would be so much wisdom found in VeggieTales? The truth of this statement is something that I continue to wrestle with. I would love to say that I don't care what other people think about me, but if I'm being totally honest, I have to admit that I do. I want to be liked and respected and thought well of, and in a school setting I want people to think I belong there, that I will be a good counselor and that I have good things to contribute to discussions, etc. But the truth of the matter is that I am unique. God made me special (just like He made you special)! There were times this past semester that I felt out of place. Perhaps all of my classmates liked a certain book that I didn't. Or they viewed a situation differently than me. Instead of focusing so much on what might be wrong with me because I see something in a different way, I am coming to realize yet again that God made me on purpose for a purpose. He needs some people in the world to think outside of the box. He needs creativity and different ways of thinking. And it's really about much more than being "right" or "wrong" - it's just being comfortable with who He has made me to be, knowing He loves me, and that is enough! I know this is an area God will continue to refine in me, but I'm giving you fair warning now - 2011 could bring Tiffany even more unleashed, and it could be scary!! :)

*God WILL continue refining
While this semester has continued God's refining process in my life, I know it will not stop now. I have already gotten all of my books in the mail for this upcoming semester. (They are currently out of the way so I do not stress out while looking at the big pile. Let's be honest, I needed this break!) In looking at the books and seeing the subjects I will be studying, it's amusing in a sick sort of way to see how God uses all parts of our lives to mold us and shape us and continue His work in us. It seems as though whatever I am wrestling with is somehow incorporated into my studies so that I am forced to continue working through and dealing with whatever those issues might be. While this can sometimes be annoying, I am very thankful because I do want to be healthy, and I believe that it is my responsibility to be as healthy as possible before I attempt to speak into another person's life as a counselor.

*When God calls, He equips
Even in this first semester of school, there have been times where I have questioned if this was what I was really supposed to be doing. What if I heard God wrong? What if this wasn't what He had in mind for me to do? But over and over again, He has confirmed that this is exactly where I am supposed to be. And I have discovered the truth that when God calls us to something, He really does equip us. Despite my struggles, ponderings, and wrestling, when I have needed to do something - be it an assignment, helping a friend work through an issue, encouraging a classmate or co-worker or whatever - God has equipped me with what I needed when I needed it. I am confident He will continue to do this as I keep going down this path He has made for me.

*Appearances can be deceiving
One very important thing I was reminded of this semester was how judgmental I can be. I tend to make snap assessments of people based on a first encounter - what they look like, an initial conversation... This is totally unfair in all of life but something I must stay away from as a counselor. Appearances really can be deceiving and it's not fair to assume you know what someone's life is like by how they look or by how things might appear to be. Everyone has a story, and everyone's story is worth knowing, no matter what they might look like or how they might act.

*EVERYONE needs counseling!
This statement pretty much sums itself up, but it's true - everyone needs counseling. We all have issues. And those issues affect our relationships and how we approach the world and the impact we have on others. As believers especially, I think it's so important to be healthy so that we can be in relationship with God and others as close to the way He designed it as possible. We miss so much because we stay trapped in our small lives, living in fear of what other people might think and say and do. So find a godly counselor and let 2011 be the year of freedom and health!

So there you have it - a small sampling of what I learned in my first semester of graduate school! It was a great beginning, and while I am fully enjoying this break, I am looking forward to all that is in store in this next semester and the continuing adventures of 2011. I'll keep you posted. Thank you for your prayers and support! May 2011 be a year filled with glorious adventure, grace, love, and growth for each one of us! More to come soon! :)

An Honest Moment

Hi everybody. I know it's been a long time since I've written a blog. It's been an insane month or so as I finished my first semester of grad school. But guess what?? I FINISHED!!!! :) I'm quite proud that I made it through the first semester. I learned a ton and my first semester reflection blog will be coming soon. I also have lots of fun pictures to share from my weekend visit to GA when we celebrated Christmas with the various sides of the family, and that blog will be coming soon too. For tonight though, I have a very honest post to share, along with some prayer requests....

First of all, Matthew had knee surgery today. It went very well and the doctor is confident he was able to clean things up to the point that it will hopefully reduce the pain he has been in. Prayers are certainly appreciated for a quick healing for him and that his pain levels will be as low as possible.

Secondly, my grandmother was taken to the ER on Thursday evening with severe pain. Turns out she had a blockage in her intestine, and they had to do emergency surgery in the middle of the night. They were able to remove the whole blockage but with where it was and what it looked like, the doctors feel pretty certain that it is most likely cancer. She had already said that if it was cancer she wasn't going to do chemo (she is 79), so we'll see what the results are and what her decision is.

Before that is even a contemplation, there are many other issues going on right now that I would appreciate your prayers for. I want to be very respectful of my grandmother and her situation, so I am attempting to explain as much as I can while saying as little as possible. My grandmother has struggled with alcoholism for a very long time. Because of that, there have been a lot of extra complications with this surgery that might not otherwise be there. There are a lot of problems with her heart and blood pressure. On top of all of that, we are now dealing with withdrawal and all that comes from that. Let's just leave it at this: it is not pleasant for her or anyone else. So I would really appreciate your prayers for this situation. Pray that my grandmother will heal quickly, that this stretch will go quickly, that her children (my mom and aunt and uncle) will be full of grace and love and patience, and that they will have wisdom to know how to handle the upcoming decisions.

Because of the situation with my grandmother and the unknowns with that, the original plans we had for Christmas are no longer going to be happening. Due to my work situation, my parents and Matthew had planned on coming down here for Christmas, and they will now be staying in GA. This is completely understandable, but this also means that this will be the first Christmas in all of my 32 years that I have not been with my family. Nikki is working all day and evening on Christmas Day, so I will literally be alone the whole day. Don't worry - I do have some options of some potential things to do so I won't spend the whole time by myself, but it's still hard. It's a lot harder than I thought it might be, and I'm sure that day will be tough as well. I'll make the best of it and enjoy the celebration, but for tonight, I'm whining. :) I'd appreciate prayers for me and my family as this Christmas will look different than we had hoped and that we'll be able to focus on what God has made possible instead of what isn't happening.

Finally, I'm personally just about done. With the madness of finishing school and the holidays making work crazy, life has just been insane. I'm exhausted and feel like I could use about a week's vacation but unfortunately, that is not a possibility. I'm working a ton of hours this week, and the mall is filled with tons of holiday shoppers. They are very un-jolly more often than not, which is never fun. There are some people I want to bash with my reindeer antlers, but that would not be a good thing. :) So pray for me that I will be able to make it through this week and maintain grace and kindness and Christmas cheer.

I think that's about it for now. I've tried to keep my blog authentic and real since I started it, and while ultimately we'll all end up where we need to be, this is an honest look at the struggles that my family and I are going through this evening. Thank you for letting me share them with you, and thank you for your prayers and support. More to come soon!