Unredeemed

Hey everybody! It's been awhile since I wrote one of those blogs - where I let you know what's happening in my life and give a little insight into a deeper part of my soul. So I thought I'd do that today, as another week begins with me still searching for a job. I am including a few of my favorite pictures in this just to help break up all of the words!

I have been in Orlando for 3 full months now and cannot believe that it is about to be October. In my wildest dreams, I never imagined that I would still not have a job. And even though there is a good amount of stress that comes with not having a job and needing money to pay bills, I am also thankful for this time that God has given me.

2009 has been a long year. I have battled so much anxiety and stress, dealing with the physical effects of that, including heart palpitations and such. I have never struggled with my health in any way, so this has been a new thing for me and I haven't really enjoyed it! But I've learned a lot about myself this year and a lot about God, and I'm thankful for this journey even though I'm more than ready to move on from it.

After dealing with pretty severe heart palpitations for awhile, I finally ended up at the doctor about a month ago. Most of you remember earlier in the year when I had an allergic reaction and severe withdrawal from the meds that were suggested for anxiety the first time around, so you can imagine my hesitancy in trying anything again. But after talking with my new doctor here and explaining what happened and my history, he suggested a very mild anti-anxiety medication for me to try that he thought might really work for me. After doing much research and speaking to several very trusted people, I decided to try it. I had come to the realization that some issues were going on that needed to be dealt with, but it's very hard to deal with issues when your body is not healthy, so I knew I needed to let my body recover as well.

So here we are now....and the medication seems to be working really well! I am no longer having heart palpitations, and I feel so much more relaxed and able to handle life like a "normal" person. I have also been back in counseling, with a fantastic counselor through a church here in the area. God has been revealing so much to me, both about Himself and in some of the ways that I need to change. It has been fantastic, painful and glorious, and healing continues to occur. In all of it, I am feeling much more hopeful and excited about whatever it is that God has in store for me. I think sometimes it's so easy to get caught up in and believe the lies that are whispered about who we are and who God is, and being reminded of the truth and walking in it makes a huge difference.

As of this moment, there are a few things that you can pray for. First of all, I really need a job. Even Chick-fil-a is not hiring here. Pray that God will open a door very soon. Secondly, the medication is working splendidly. The only negative about it is that I am shedding hair at a pretty rapid rate. I don't want to stop taking the medication right now because my body is finally recovering, but I don't want to go bald either. :) So please pray that the excessive hair shedding (apparently a common thing) will stop immediately. Finally, pray that God will continue to reveal those places in my life that need to be refined and that I will have the courage to follow Him and trust Him as He continues to heal and reveal the story He has written for my life.

I realize the title of this blog post might sound weird, so let me explain it. There is a group called Selah, and they have a new CD out. One of their songs on there is called "Unredeemed" (lyrics at the bottom of this post or listen here). It has been a powerful reminder for me lately as I reflect on what has happened over the past few years. We base our view of God so often on the circumstances we see around us and in our own lives. We doubt His love for us because of what is happening to us, and yet if we just look at the cross, it shows us the depth of His love in such a way that we should never have any questions about how He feels about us. So often people will say to me, "I just know God is going to bless you with an amazing godly man and a great marriage to redeem what happened to you." Maybe He will. Or maybe He won't. But no matter what parts of life here on this earth may be left unfulfilled or unrestored in our eyes, they will never be left unredeemed. Even if it doesn't look like how we think it should or how we want it to here on this earth, there will come a day when all will be made right and new, and nothing will be unredeemed. Until that day, may we cling tightly to the only One who is unchanging, who is faithful and true, and who gives us more than we could ever ask or imagine. Love you all!

"Unredeemed"

The cruelest words, the coldest heart
The deepest wounds, the endless dark
The lonely ache, the burning tears
The bitter nights, the wasted years

Life breaks and falls apart
But we know these are

[Chorus]
Places where grace is soon to be so amazing
They may be unfulfilled, they may be unrestored
But when anything that’s shattered is laid before the Lord
Just watch and see it will not be
Unredeemed

For every choice that led to shame
And all the love that never came
For every vow that someone broke
And every life that gave up hope

We live in the shadow of the fall
But the cross says these are all …

[Chorus]

Places where grace is soon to be so amazing
They may be unfulfilled, they may be unrestored
But you never know the miracles the Father has in store
Just watch and see it will not be
Just watch and see it will not be
Unredeemed