Merry Christmas?

As I sit here typing this blog, I'm watching A Charlie Brown Christmas, where little kids are declaring that Christmastime is here, our apartment is decorated for Christmas, the trees are lit....and yet I find myself identifying with Charlie Brown and not feeling like Christmas is really here. I work in a mall, and I can't help but ponder what Christmas has turned into and is really all about. We hear Christmas songs that tell us that Christmas is the most wonderful time of the year, and yet is it really? If it is, someone sure forgot to tell all the people who are shopping in the mall. Without fail, the time between Thanksgiving and Christmas seems to bring out the worst in people. I see more hostile and rude customers in these six weeks than in the entire rest of the year combined.

Let me give you an example of the most fantastic ways that people behave. Today I was finishing up helping some lovely ladies who were very kind when a man reached his arm across the counter and shook his cup in my face because he wanted a refill. Thankfully in that moment I was able to maintain a high level of control and he is still alive today (and I still have a job). But really? I wanted to break his arm! :) What has our society embraced that Christmas brings about such stress and meanness?

I find myself at times wanting to ask the customers why they are shopping for people if it makes them so miserable and stressed out. Since it would be somewhat poor form to ask my customers that, I will ask all of us instead. What does Christmas mean to us? This blog is actually not meant to be a rant against consumerism or commercialism, although working in a mall does give me ample evidence to rant against both. Rather, my question is this: what does giving someone a gift mean to us? Or receiving a gift? When Jesus was born in Bethlehem, his parents received some visitors. The wise men brought very expensive gifts, and while I'm sure Mary appreciated their kindness, I find it most fascinating her response to the shepherds that is recorded in scripture. The shepherds had no tangible gift to offer - they were poor. But they told Mary and Joseph about how they had seen a multitude of angels who had declared to them that their Savior had just been born. As they shared their story and all they had seen and heard, that was what Mary treasured and pondered in her heart. That was what she never forgot. What is true of us this Christmas? Whether we give or receive physical gifts, what do we treasure and what do we ponder in our heart? What of ourselves are we offering others? What will we remember from this Christmas? And what will we forget?

Since Thanksgiving, I can count on one hand the number of people who have told me Merry Christmas as I helped them. Because it happens so rarely, it always stands out. We are so consumed with ourselves and stuff that we don't even see the very people who are serving us. So on behalf of those of us making it possible for you to Christmas shop - be kind this holiday season. Take the time to realize we are people and would love to receive kindness and a smile. We're tired too and we're doing our best to serve you well. And if shopping for Christmas gifts turns you into the grinch, perhaps it's time to reevaluate what it is we're doing and why we're doing it.

In the meantime, pray for me. We still have a couple of weeks before Christmas, and the madness just intensifies each day. I want my treatment of guests - even towards those who are rude - to convey grace and peace and Christ because I am who I am thanks to the gift God gave for me so many Christmases ago. But if one more person shakes a cup in my face.... :) Love you all and wishing you a truly magnificent Christmas season!

Oil In The Eye!

So today was an interesting day. I was at work, helping make the chicken so we could open and serve our lovely guests. The regular filets were finished cooking, and I was opening the deep fryer to remove them when some hot oil popped up and hit me directly in my right eye. This is not something I would suggest you try. :) I was able to go have my eye checked, and it turns out that there was damage done to the surface of my eye, but the damage is just surface level and it wasn't too bad. I have some antibiotic drops to put in it and will follow up with an ophthalmologist to make sure everything is fine, but it appears that it will all be okay. It was kind of a crazy day, but I'm thankful everything turned out how it did. I know it could have been much worse. My eye is sore now and feels kind of tight, like how your skin feels if it gets burned, but it's not too bad.

Since today is Halloween, I shall post a picture of me in my favorite Halloween costume. Someday I will wear this again! :) I might actually go put it on now and trick-or-treat at my own apartment. I'm sure Nikki won't mind!! Hope you all have a good week this week - can't believe November starts tomorrow!!

On Being Halfway Through and Homework

Greetings friends and family! I haven't written a blog in a very long time. Since I had surgery 3 months ago to be exact. We'll get to that in a minute. But first, I would like to announce that when I take my final in my substance abuse class tomorrow night, I will be exactly halfway finished with my master's degree! I will just have the second half of this semester and next year to go! I'm excited about reaching this milestone. It's been a tough journey but a great one at the same time, and I know this last half of the program will fly by. We start our internship in January, where I will be seeing clients and getting to start putting into practice all that I have been learning. I know that will help make it more real and interesting and allow me to get to start doing what I hope to do once I am through with school. I interviewed yesterday and was accepted as a student intern at the counseling center I have gone to, and I'm super excited about that! I think it's going to be a great fit for me and I'm really looking forward to getting started in January.

And now on to other topics, such as why I have not put up a blog in many months. For those of you who have been readers for awhile, you know I've never hesitated to share struggles and be fairly real in my postings. However, to be completely honest, many of my blog posts are written after I've already processed my struggle. I don't mind being real about what I was struggling with - but I am not often real about my current struggles. My counselor gave me a homework assignment of writing a blog where I was honest about what I am feeling currently. She told me I didn't have to publish it - she just wanted me to write an honest blog - even in my place of not knowing or arriving at a fully processed moment - and to not sugarcoat anything. So that's what this is. And I decided to post it. (Do I get extra credit for this homework assignment now dear counselor???? ;p) I decided to post it mostly because I don't want to. Which means I probably need to. Because one of my biggest fears is that if people know what's really going on inside of me, they'll walk away and not want anything to do with me anymore. I know in my head that is not true, but I find it hard to believe in my heart. If you do actually take the time to read the rest of this blog, please don't feel compelled to tell me how great and wonderful you think I am for sharing this. Not that I will complain if you do! :) But this blog is for me, not for you. This is a first step of faith in taking a risk and moving forward on the journey towards trusting God again. I hope my honesty allows you to have your own honesty for whatever you might need to have it for. So without further ado, in no particular order, here are honest thoughts, feelings and admissions from my current place in life...

Thoughts on God
It really all starts and ends with God, doesn't it? Which means when you and God aren't on the greatest of terms, life tends to suck more. My journey over the last five years has led me through interesting times with God. Early on after the divorce, I felt exceptionally close to God. In my darkest night, He breathed for me when I didn't care if I breathed again. I know Him in deeper ways. And yet, five years later, I don't really like Him much right now. I don't trust Him. I'm afraid of what He might - or might not - have for me. I know all of the right spiritual answers and biblical truths in my head, but somehow I'm not believing them in my heart. I know God hasn't gone anywhere - I know I'm the one holding Him at arms length. But I am afraid that if I let go, if I surrender, He won't be real. That He will let me down. Or that I'll let Him down. So I keep pushing Him away, knowing life would be a lot better with Him close by but terrified of what that closeness will require. I know He wants everything - He wants my entire life and for me to let go of my illusion of control and trust Him - but even typing that almost makes me feel paralyzed with fear.

Thoughts on a Thyroid
It's been a really crappy three months since surgery in dealing with my hormones. Somehow before surgery I missed it that your thyroid is the primary mood controller/balancer in your body. I'm certainly aware of it now. My medication was too low for the first 8 weeks post-surgery, and I went through serious depression as a result. Horribly not fun. My life requires a lot of energy, and trying to do work and school and everything that goes with it with no energy and no sense of caring about anything? Well it's been a little tough. They increased my dosage about four weeks ago, and my energy level is getting back to normal, which is nice. I feel a little more like myself. However, I am having serious stomach problems, which I think is at least partially due to the higher dosage - I've always been super drug sensitive. Probably due some to stress too. But when the alternatives at this point are to be depressed or have your stomach eat itself, it's kind of annoying. I'm afraid I'm going to struggle with this for the rest of my life and wonder if I made a bad decision on having my thyroid removed. I'm frustrated with not feeling well and not feeling right. I'm tired of this process but know it could keep going for awhile. I have large amounts of hostility and want to hurt people and then will quickly swing to feeling exhausted and wanting to lay on the floor of the food court and take a nap. I feel like someone who is pregnant, except there is no reward at the end. I want God to fix it, to help doctors figure out the right combo and what works for me, and I just want to feel normal!

Thoughts on School
The closer I get to starting my internship, the more excited and more terrified I get. Part of me feels very ready - I have been well trained, I have learned a lot, and I am ready to start actually doing all the stuff I've learned about. And yet I am terrified of failure. I'm afraid that I won't be a good counselor - that someone will come in and I won't be able to help at all. I think I'll be a good counselor, but I want a guarantee. I've never been a huge risk taker. I want to know that I am going to be good at something and that I'll be successful. I'm about to get dumped into a counseling room and real people with real struggles will come in, looking to me to walk with them through their journeys. What do I know? I'm just as afraid of change as they will be and I'm going to be asking them to take risks in their journeys that I'm still struggling to take in my own. I'm afraid that I'll let down the people who think I'm going to be good at this, that I'll disappoint those who believe in me and disappoint myself. I'm super good at administrative tasks because there isn't much risk there. I can do a task, complete it, do it well and move on with success. Counseling is organic. It's artistic and emotional and requires flexibility and creativity, which is how I've been made, but living out of that part of me is risky and scary and terrifying.

Thoughts on People
When it comes to relationships, I didn't realize until perhaps fairly recently how much damage was done when it comes to my willingness to trust others. I trust people to a point, but when it comes to sharing all of myself - struggles, hopes, dreams, fears - the deepest parts of my artist heart that make me me, I tend to hold back. Mostly out of fear that if people see who I really am it won't be good enough for them and they'll leave. I have lived a bit with the mindset of "I'll leave you before you can leave me", but I haven't done this by walking away from people. I have done this by holding people at arms length and only letting them get so close. The problem with this is that we all suffer because relationships and friendships can only go so far when this is the case. I want to be who God has made me to be. I want to be myself - to be snarky if I need to be, to laugh with joyful abandon, to maybe even cry if I need to. But I'm so afraid to let go because I'm afraid if I'm any of those things, someone might walk away. I'm afraid to not be enough, to not meet expectations, to be less than perfect, to be weak or needy. I know I need to just take a risk and give people the benefit of the doubt to respond well. But I cannot imagine actually letting someone see me cry. To be that risky and vulnerable, to let go of control and be that real....it makes my stomach eat itself even more. :)

Thoughts on Life
I have recently come to the realization how afraid I really am that I will spend the rest of my life alone - that I'll never really fit in anywhere, that everyone I know will have a family and I'll be the nice single friend who tags along. I used to think it wouldn't be a big deal if I never married again. And I know I would be okay. But I am admitting out loud that I really do want a family. I would love to be married to a man who loves God and loves his family well. I would love to be a mom. I'm afraid I'll never have that chance. I'm afraid there won't be a guy who would want me, especially this me who doesn't have it all together or have all the answers or isn't okay all the time. I want to be free to just be myself and know someone will love that me and that we can fight without them leaving. I hope that exists, but I'm afraid it never will. I'm afraid that the reality I have now - the struggle to provide for myself, to carry all the financial burdens, to have to open all my own jars that are sometimes impossible to open, to have to kill all the bugs....is the reality that will always be and it's depressing to think that might never change.

And this friends is where I am going to end this post. I don't have a neat little bow to tie this up with - to show the redemption in it. I believe God is in all of this, but I don't have any answers. I know some of what I need to do, and I know what my issues are. I know where I am and I know where I'd like to be, but I'm not sure how to get from point A to point B. I don't like not knowing, I'm not really a fan of feeling all of these emotions, but this is where I am right now. This is where I need to sit. And someday I'll write the post that shows God's redemptive work. But tonight I'm just leaving it be and trusting He loves me right where I am.

Home From Surgery

Hi everyone! I'm home from the hospital, minus a thyroid, hurtin' every time I swallow but very thankful to have made it through this experience with fairly minimal issues. I was really nervous when I arrived at the hospital early yesterday morning, but everyone was so kind to me and helped keep me calm. I remember being wheeled into the operating room but I don't remember an absolute thing after that until I woke up in recovery. I am super drug sensitive and they had given me a really strong pain med post surgery, so I was really nauseous after waking up and almost threw up twice. It took awhile for the effects of that to wear off, and when it did, I was in a tremendous amount of pain. The issue with this surgery is that they put the breathing tube down your throat while they operate. So the back of your throat hurts from that, but the front of your throat/neck hurts because it's been sliced open and pieces cut out, etc. Combine the two together, and I'll let you imagine how painful it is to swallow. I toughed it out as long as I could because I didn't want to feel sick again, but by 6:30 last night, I couldn't handle it anymore. So I asked for some medication and they gave me vicodin. It worked for the pain, but not so much for me. Remember the super drug sensitive part? Yeah. At midnight they gave me half of a pill to see if that would help the pain but not give such bad side effects as the whole pill did. About 20 minutes later, I was jittery, shaky, my arms and hands were numb and tingly, I was nauseous and I felt like I was floating to the ceiling. Not really a good combination. So I am home from the hospital armed with nothing but extra strength tylenol and attempting to manage my pain with that. To this point, it's going okay. I'm in a pretty good amount of pain, but I'd rather deal with that and feel normal than deal with the side effects of the drugs. I am able to eat whatever I want, and I'm trying to eat softer foods for now as I slowly reintroduce stuff to my stomach.

The surgery went really well and all my levels looked great, which is why I surprisingly got to come home so early today. I'm not complaining as I'm much more comfortable at home, it's much quieter here, and while I can't really lay my head back much, I'm hoping all of that means I'll be able to get more than the 3 hours of sleep I got last night in the hospital. Plus I am now wire and tube free, which is fantastic. So many of you prayed for me, and it truly made a difference. God has been so gracious to me through my first surgery/anesthesia experience, and I'm truly grateful for your support.

When they first took me back to get me prepped for surgery, I was sitting on my little bed waiting for my nurse to come back, and I could hear the nurse talking to the lady in the cubicle next to me. That woman was there to have a double mastectomy because she had cancer in one of her breasts. She was a little bit older and they were having to talk kind of loud for her to hear them, so I could hear what they were saying to her, and it was so heartbreaking. It really put things into perspective for me as I sat there waiting for my own surgery. I know it's okay for me to be nervous and that my surgery was a big deal for me, but here was this woman about to go through something I think every woman dreads, and to be able to hear some of the last conversations before she went to the OR was sobering. Her nurse was so sweet to her, and the lady asked the nurse if they did a lot of surgeries like that at the hospital. The nurse said, "Yes, but that doesn't matter. Today is YOUR surgery day, and we're here to take care of you. This day is about you."

One of the things God has been teaching me repeatedly in these last months through school and life is the importance of listening to other people's stories. No matter the similarities between people, each person's story is unique, and it deserves honor and dignity and the chance to be told and heard. People tell us so much if we'll only stop and listen and pay attention. The nurse yesterday reminded me of that as she dealt with a type of woman that she sees come through the operating room often. But no matter how many women have that same surgery, they're each different and they each deserve to be treated with honor and dignity and respect. So it will be with my clients, and so it is with people in general. I don't know this woman's name, but somewhere tonight is a lady who is having to come to terms with losing both of her breasts, dealing with incredible pain from an invasive surgery, facing cancer and upcoming treatment for that, and not knowing if she'll survive. Pray for her if you will.

And continue to pray for me and my roommate, who had surgery this afternoon. These next few days will be tough as we have to fight through the most painful days of healing in this process. Pray that there will be no complications, healing will occur quickly and with as minimal pain as possible and that we will all be able to get some sleep and have fun together in the process. Thank you for sharing this journey with me - I am truly grateful.

On Having Surgery & Other Musings

On Tuesday of this week, I will be having surgery to have my thyroid removed. In a completely random way, it was discovered that I had a nodule on either side of my thyroid. I have not had any trouble and would never have known that the nodules were there except for a chance exam while it was trying to be determined if I had chronic sinus issues. From the discovery of one of the nodules came an ultrasound, biopsies, and the determination that while it doesn't appear to yet be cancerous, the tissues of the nodules are suspicious and obviously we do not want to leave them there to develop into anything down the road. So I will be having my entire thyroid removed and then will be on medication the rest of my life to provide the necessary hormones.

I'll be honest - I'm getting nervous about all of this. I've never had major surgery and never had anesthesia. I've always been drug sensitive and am afraid I'll have some sort of crazy reaction to the drugs and everything. Obviously I'm praying that will not be the case and that everything will be very routine and as easy as possible, but I'm still not looking forward to any of this. In the midst of the nervousness though is also the assurance that Jesus is with me and that my life is in His hands, whether I'm just living normally or having a surgical procedure done.

I probably think way too much about stuff, but I'm analytical so you'll have to bear with me for a moment. I know the likelihood of me not surviving the surgery or never waking up or having some sort of wacky reaction is very low. But the reality is also that we don't know what will happen. There are no guarantees. Whenever I'm facing something major, I can't help but reevaluate life a bit and realize that for as much as I'd like to think I'm in control, I'm not at all. And that could be scary if I didn't trust that God is in control and has a way bigger plan for my life than I'm probably even aware of. The truth is that He knows the number of my days. If Tuesday were to be my last day on earth, it wouldn't matter if I was in surgery or reading a book in my apartment, that would be it. The other reality is that whenever I have accomplished all that God gave me on this earth to accomplish, I'll be with Him, and I'll be fine. It'll just suck for all of you! :) Seriously, not trying to be maudlin - I'm anticipating everything going just fine, and there are lots of things happening in the coming days that I'm really excited about - but it also helps me to remember who is really in control. In that process, even when dealing with the nervousness, I can be at peace.

I'd appreciate your prayers for me over these next few days. I have to be at the hospital at 6:45am on Tuesday and the surgery is scheduled for 8:45am. It should only take a couple of hours at the most, and then I will most likely be in the hospital for two days while they monitor my levels. There are a few specific things you can pray for: pray that there will be no adverse reactions to the anesthesia or surgery in general. Pray that everything will heal quickly, with as little discomfort as possible. Pray that there will be no damage done to my vocal cords or parathyroid glands. And pray for peace and rest in the next day and a half leading up to the surgery! I'll certainly keep you posted on the healing process...

On a completely different topic, in my last blog I mentioned some of my struggles since returning from Greece. I'm still working through much of that, but things are going well. It's always so funny to me how God uses everything in our lives to teach us what He wants us to learn. Since starting grad school, I've been amazed how often what I'm learning in class is going right along with what I'm doing in my own personal counseling and what is happening in life in general. The same thing continues to happen now. When Nikki and I went to Greece, my mom prayed that the trip would be the start of "relaunching us into society" in all areas of our lives. Let's face it - when you go through traumatic life events, the tendency is to hide and maybe stay on the sidelines a bit as life goes on. But it's time for us to get back in the game in every way, and as hard and scary as that is, it's also very exciting. We are moving to a new place at the end of August and are looking forward to things that are ahead.

In my class that I'm currently in, our professor told us that our clients will work harder to stay in their pathology than they will to change. We all do it - it's easier to stay where you're comfortable and feel safer than it is to put forth the work required for change. However, as a very wise person said, only when we are actively in pain are we willing to change and only in brokenness can strength occur. This will be true of the people who come to see me for counseling, and it is certainly true in my life. I will say that these last 4 1/2 years have been tough, but it's pretty cool to see how God continues to heal and do work, bringing strength from brokenness and a willingness to make some necessary changes out of pain. I'm thankful He loves me that much and I'm looking forward to all that He has in store in the days and weeks to come. I'll continue to keep you updated and appreciate your encouragement, support and prayers over these next few days!

Thoughts On Life

So today started out as any normal Saturday would - I got up to go to work. At some point around 10:30, Macy's called our store and placed an order to be delivered to their store. We had plenty of people in the store, so I decided to take their food to them. As I was walking back to the Chick, I decided to call my mom and say hello. I don't really know why, but I did. She answered the phone in a very hushed voice and proceeded to tell me that she was in the ER with my dad and he'd had a heart attack and she'd been about to text us all to let us know what was going on.

There are moments in life where time stands still, just for a second, before reality rushes back in. And it's when time stops that things focus and crystallize and sharpen for the briefest of seconds in such a way that it takes your breath away. What matters most to us? Where do we place our trust? When time stops, you have your answer. However, when we're in the midst of the routine and mundane, we so often forget what matters most and live our lives in such a way that no one would ever know what's important to us. More on that in a moment.

For now, I am happy to report that my dad is stable and doing well. My mom found him in the bathroom not feeling well and took him right to the ER, where they were able to get tests run and treatment done immediately. They did the balloon thing and placed a stent in his artery, which cleared the blockage, allowed the blood flow to return to all parts of the heart and the damage done during the heart attack to be reversed. Pa is currently in the ICU for the evening just to be safe, but should be transferred to a normal room tomorrow and leave the hospital on Monday at the latest. He'll be on meds and have some diet and exercise instructions, but he should be fine. I am completely grateful.

When I got off the phone with my mom, I sat on a bench in the middle of the mall and tried not to panic or have a total meltdown. There were a few things I knew for sure - I was 11 hours away from my parents and could do nothing but wait, I had to trust God to take care of my dad and trust that He was in total control, and I didn't want anything to happen to my dad. I've been a daddy's girl my entire life and my dad is one of my most favorite people ever. Even the thought of him not being around made it difficult to stand up and go back to work (and thanks for my work caring enough to send me home on a busy Saturday so I could concentrate on my family!). For those of you who know my dad, you know what a fantastic man he is and how much he brightens the lives of those around him. I can't express my thankfulness that his time with us isn't done yet.

I would like to take a moment and say thank you to all of you who have responded so kindly to me and my family today, offering your support and prayers. It means a lot to know that there are so many who care and that we're not alone walking through the stuff of life. And it is on that note that I want to focus the rest of this blog. I am completely exhausted and not really filtering my words, so keep reading at your own risk as I seek to process some of the thoughts that have been rolling around in my head.

I have been home from Greece for a week-and-a-half. I had an incredible time there and truly loved all of the adventures and experiences that I got to have. That's a post for another day (but I have included a few pictures to help break up all the words!), but what I want to talk about now is how difficult it has been to come back from Greece and deal with reentry. I never in a million years thought I would have as much trouble adjusting back to US culture as I have, but it's been really tough for me. I know that when you go on vacation or are away from home, you're not necessarily living a normal life of working and such, but the culture in Greece is different than here. Life is simpler and there is more of a focus on connectedness and community. Even meals are eaten that way - you get several dishes and pass them around the table and everyone shares. And I loved it. Getting outside of what is comfortable and known and slowing down and just enjoying spending time with some awesome people gave me a bit of clarity on what I have been missing out on here.

How often in our normal days do we pause and truly connect with others? Or are we so busy rushing through what has to get done that we don't have time for that? Is it normal to pray for other people? We tell people we'll pray for them, but do we really? Do we call someone to check on them or take a moment to offer an encouraging word, just because? How often do we gather together and just enjoy hanging out, with no real agenda? How often do we ask for help in a time of need without feeling guilty for putting someone else out? Do we even ask for help or admit we're struggling or do we just take care of things ourselves? I am afraid that the culture we have grown accustomed to here has gotten in the way of real life. In America, our culture applauds individuality and independence and climbing the ladder and moving forward. And not that those things are bad in and of themselves, but when we miss true life - the abundant life God has made us for, especially on a relational level - we're missing the point.

I understand that we do live in America and we have to work to live and all that jazz. But just ponder this for at least a moment....is our lifestyle and culture worth it if we are missing out on deep relationships and community and knowing others and being known? Is driving whatever car worth it if you don't know your neighbor? I don't claim to have all the answers or even know how I'm going to go about resolving this in my own life. But I do know this....I tasted community and connectedness and simplicity in Greece, and it was awesome. I felt like the time I spent there was closer to how I was created to be and I was reminded of the importance of sharing life with others. Is my life insane and crazy busy as I try to work full-time and go to school full-time? Yes. Am I determined to figure out how to live my life more connected and in more community with others even in the midst of that? Yes. Not sure what it will look like yet, but I'll get back to you!

Today crystallized all of these ponderings for me. When time stopped for a moment, I knew two things: Jesus was with me, and I had people I could call. I know we can't live our whole lives in the heightened awareness that comes when time stands still, but I do know this: I don't want to miss the best of what God has made me for because I'm so busy with "life" that I have no time for life.

If you've made it this far, thanks for reading my musing rant. I'm sure there will be more processing to come as I continue to wrestle with all that comes from adjusting back to life here. Feel free to leave your own thoughts in the comments. Thanks again for praying for my family during this time - I will keep you posted! Happy 4th of July!

Andros and a Nunnery

Greetings from Greece! It's been a crazy couple of days, but I wanted to share a few pictures with you of some things we have gotten to do the last few days. There are so many beautiful sights here, and we are having so much fun! A couple of days ago we got to go to the island of Andros. It was a lot of fun! We went into the city and walked around some cool shops. Nikki and I also had an adventure. There was an old lighthouse that was really pretty but to get to it, you had to climb an old stone bridge. We had some help, and the views were worth it.


After lunch, we got to go to a beach and swim and snorkel in the Aegean Sea. The water was FREEZING cold, but getting to say I was in the Aegean Sea made it worth it. In order to get warm, we had some fun taking pictures. Here are two of my friends jumping around!

We were at the Batsi Beach and were leaving at sunset. These next two pictures I took at dusk and it give you a good idea of how beautiful the area was.


Today we went into Athens to go shopping. For those of you who have asked, the protests in Athens have affected us indirectly. The Greeks keep going on strike, and they have days where they strike different things. Yesterday there was a transportation strike, so we couldn't get into the city on the bus system because they weren't running. Typically, Greeks do not strike two days in a row, so today we got to go into Athens. We have heard rumors that there is going to be an electricity strike on Monday, so that could be interesting. It shouldn't affect us leaving on Wednesday and the protests are not causing problems for us directly. It just causes us to sometimes have to come up with creative solutions to get around depending on what they do.

After shopping this morning, we had lunch at a delicious restaurant in downtown Athens and then came back to the Bible college for a little while before going to visit a nunnery. Everyone in Greece is Greek Orthodox, so seeing an active and working nunnery was interesting. It was beautiful, and I was able to get some good pictures before we got yelled at for doing so. Here is a sample for you!


Inside of the church, there are icons that surround the entire thing that tell the story of the Bible in pictures. It ends at the top of the ceiling with Jesus in heaven. Here is a picture of that.


Finally, here is a picture of a pretty area that was outside and of me and Nikki in our long dresses.


Tomorrow we are going to Corinth, and I am SOOO excited!! We get to see lots of historical stuff and swim in the Ionian Sea. Pictures and updates to come soon on our continuing adventures. Class is finished, so everything that is left is getting to sightsee, which will be very cool. We are having a blast, and I am so thankful that I am getting to share this trip with Nikki and some of the most awesome people! Happy Thursday! :)

The Acropolis

Today we went into Athens and got to walk around the city and eat a delicious authentic Greek meal for lunch. The food was AMAZING. They have this fried cheese stuff that you squeeze a lemon over and eat. Oh my goodness. I'll try to find out how to spell all of the delicious things we have gotten to eat so I can fill you in, but fried cheese works for now. We were supposed to go right from lunch to the Acropolis, but the weather in Greece had other ideas. Right before we were to start the walk up, it started POURING rain. We thankfully were right by a big overhang, so we got there with minimal rain damage and ended up spending the next two hours there waiting out the rain. There was crazy lightening and thunder and lots of rain, all of which is supposedly very out of character for Greece at this time of year. We must have brought the typical Florida weather with us. The weather finally cleared up, and we got to go to the Acropolis and see the Parthenon and Mars Hill, and it was incredible. Pictures simply cannot do it justice, but here is a very futile attempt to try. I only chose a few of the many I took because I must get some sleep, but enjoy these views of ancient history!

This is the Acropolis, and this picture was taken while I was standing on Mars Hill. Mars Hill is the spot Paul stood when he preached to the Greeks. Due to the architecture and such, when one is standing on Mars Hill, you can hear what is said on the Acropolis and down in the market place as well. Many debates took place there.

Speaking of Mars Hill, it is the rock behind me in this picture, taken while I was standing on the Acropolis.

This is what the ceiling looked like in the original Acropolis.

Here is a picture of me with my two professors who are on this trip.

This is a picture of the Parthenon.

These next two pictures show the cool sky that was present because the weather was still kind of iffy and it rained off and on.


Finally, a picture of me and the Roommate. We are having a great time getting to share this together!

Tomorrow, we are going to Andros Island and spending the whole day there. This is where we will get to see the white washed houses with blue roofs and I can't wait! More pictures and adventures to come soon!

Greek Greetings!

Hello to all of my fabulous friends and family who are nice enough to read this blog! This has been a very long day, and I feel a little delirious, so pardon any madness that may appear in this entry. :) Also, my fizzilicious professor is sitting next to me while I am typing this blog so who knows how distracted I will be. We are also watching Mamma Mia - it could be bad!!

Anyway, last night we went to a little Irish pub up the road, and it was so cute and quaint. The walk there was beautiful. It's so peaceful and quiet here, and the scenery is gorgeous. For some reason I never imagined that Greece would be as mountainous as it is. I figured the islands would be with the white buildings and blue roofs, but Athens has some mountains too. Here are a few pictures to show some of the scenery.


And here are some pictures from the pub last night. It was a beautiful little retreat kind of in the middle of nowhere.



I think we are going to go back there for dinner one night next week. I'll try to take more pictures then. Be sure and check out Nikki's blog from today because she is putting up lots of pictures of where she has gotten to spend the last 2 days. With being in class, I haven't had the chance to do much or take many pictures. But tomorrow we are going into Athens for the day, and I can't wait! Then Monday we will be on Andros Island all day, so many pictures and stories will be coming your way soon. Until then, I am going to go finish singing along to all the songs in Mamma Mia and then go to sleep. Have a great day!

Identifying The Smell

Hi everyone! I've had a really busy day today and haven't had time to download pictures to share. I still have some work to do and must go to bed as soon as possible, so this is going to be a short and sweet update today. I'll try to get more posted tomorrow after class. I just wanted to share my one deep thought for today. In a previous post, I mentioned that you can't flush the toilet paper here. I have been trying to figure out what our dorms and the bathrooms smell like for a couple of days, and it has finally occurred to me what the answer is.... Everything smells like a pet store. It's fantastic. :) I'm sure it won't take long for me to get home and start taking for granted being able to flush toilet paper, but those first few flushes are going to be amazing.

Tomorrow is my last day of class for a couple of days and then we are doing a lot of traveling on Sunday and Monday. We are going into Athens on Sunday and will see the Acropolis and other amazing sites and then we are going to Andros Island on Monday. We'll have our last classes on Tuesday and Wednesday and then the rest of the trip will be spent traveling and sightseeing. I'm looking forward to that and there will be many more pictures for me to share with you! So until the next time, this tired girl is wishing you a very good day!

Inappropriate Laughing Due to No Sleep

So.... apparently the effects of jet lag hit worse on the second day. I did not sleep hardly at all last night. Most of my classmates didn't either, so we were all kind of in a fog today. I'm hoping and praying that I will be able to get a good night's sleep tonight, which I will be attempting to do as soon as I finish this blog. The lack of sleep is your warning that when you are exceptionally tired, you might just happen to take a few inappropriate pictures. Welcome to Greece!


Hahahaha....I am amused. ANYWAY, on to other topics. I had class today and tried to get some work done. We have a lot of projects and such to do, plus a lot of journaling everyday, so I'm staying busy. I also found out that one of my closest friends from college passed away early this morning from his battle with cancer. Please keep my friend Emmett's wife Wendy and their 3 year old son Quinn in your prayers as Wendy and Quinn navigate this tough road.

Tonight after dinner, we walked about 2 1/2 miles to a place called Alma's to get ice cream. The ice cream was delicious, but the walk home got a little precarious as we tried to cross the street and not die. Greek drivers don't stop for people, so you can't get in the road and assume they will stop. They will run you over. Thankfully we all made it safely home! Here are a few pictures from tonight and last night of fun times with friends.



Anyway, I must go try to get some rest, but that was my day in Greece. Hope everything is going well wherever you are, and I'll post new updates soon!

Greece Day 1

Did you know that when you are in Greece and go to the Google homepage, everything is written in Greek?? Kind of cool.... Anyway, greetings to you all from Greece! We have finished our first day of class and will be eating dinner in about 45 minutes at 7pm. I am quite tired but feel like I'm getting close to being adjusted to the time difference. I think tomorrow will be much better. Even though getting a decent amount of sleep last night helped, my body is still getting used to that it's evening time here and still in the morning at home. Being outside helps because when you are in light, your body thinks it should be awake, and eating meals regularly helps too. I have actually adjusted a lot faster than I thought, so that is good, but it was tough to sit in a class all day. This class is going to be awesome though. I'm sure I'll have much to process about it as the days go by, but for now suffice it to say that we don't think about a lot in our culture or why we do what we do until we're challenged about it. More to come on that topic later.

For now, here is a little tour of where we are staying. We are at the Greek Bible College here, living in dorms. Here are a couple of pictures of the buildings and our room. This is the entrance to our dorm. Honeysuckle lines both sides of it, which makes the air smell quite delicious!


Walter the bear made the trip with me. He has been on every trip I've gone on since I was a freshman in high school. He is enjoying his first international experience!!

One thing about Greece I do not love so far is that you can't flush toilet paper down the toilets. I've never thought about that as I use a bathroom in the US, and it's weird to realize some of the things we take for granted. It's not that big of a deal, but for some reason, this totally grosses me out! I just think it's nasty, especially when you consider what sometimes occurs when one is on the toilet. :) This picture shows you our bathroom, and all toilet paper goes in the trashcan. Yes, we change the trash at least once a day.

It's really pretty here, and there is NO humidity, which is a very refreshing change from Florida. We eat all of our meals outside at little tables like the one below or picnic tables. The well picture is there just because I thought it was pretty.


Here are some of us earlier today...

More cute pictures....


So there you have it! Tonight we are having dinner and then going to a cute little place right down the street called Coffee, Tea, and Sympathy. Then I also have to write in my journal and read some for class. Tomorrow we have class again all day, with a few fun things mixed in. These first four days are pretty much just class and then we'll start having many adventures. I am loving being here with Nikki and I think this trip is going to be amazing. Those who are guests get to hang out and do other things while we are in class, so if you want to check out Nikki's blog, (just click on her name in this sentence) you can see her pictures and things that I am not getting to do.

Hope you all have a great day, and I'll be in touch soon!

In Greece!

Hi everyone! We have made it safely to Greece, and I am typing this blog from the lounge in our dorm. My computer hasn't switched over to this time zone, so as I write this, it is 1:11pm your time. Here it's 8:11pm, and my poor body is trying to figure it all out. We have been up for about 36 hours and are under strict orders to not go to bed until at least 9 to try to get used to the change. Nikki and I are counting down the minutes until we can crash, so if this blog doesn't make much sense, you can blame it on the total lack of sleep.

I have no pictures to share with you right now, but I'll get some taken tomorrow. We left Monday morning (I think that was yesterday) at 8:30am and drove in a bus down to Miami. Then we took an 8 hour flight from Miami to Paris. I got my very first stamp in my passport in Paris!! That was very cool. The plane food was actually pretty good, and we watched the Justin Bieber movie while we flew across the ocean. It helped kill a couple of hours and was actually kind of interesting. :)

I don't have much brain power left to share anything of significance at this time, but I wanted you to know that we were here safely. I think it's going to be an amazing trip, and I can't wait to experience the adventures! For now, I have learned that it's weird to not know the native language of the country you are in, eruo money looks cool, there is an Ikea when you land at the Greece airport, there are some quite pretty men in France and Greece, and they eat lots of yummy food. Hopefully there will be more substantial learnings to share once I get some rest. I'm off to attempt that now. Talk to you soon!

Goin' To Greece!

Well, months after first hearing about this trip to Greece and making the decision to go, the time is finally upon us! Nikki and I leave in the morning to go to Greece, and we are SOOOO EXCITED!!!! We will be arriving at school at 8 in the morning, where we will get on a charter bus and drive to Miami. We will fly from Miami to Paris and Paris to Athens, arriving at our destination sometime on Tuesday evening their time (we'll be 7 hours ahead of all of you). Mixed in this trip is of course a class I will be taking, but there will be plenty of time for sightseeing, adventures, hanging out with friends, and taking lots of pictures. Picture taking is actually one of the things I am most excited about. I can't wait to pull my camera back out and take some amazing (hopefully!) pictures of a beautiful area of the world. And yes, I'll share as many as I can. It is my plan that I will be able to update my blog on a hopefully daily basis with pictures and stories of what is happening in Greece so you can all follow along on our adventure. Since I'll be traveling all day tomorrow and part of Tuesday, this entry will have to hold you over until I have access to the Internet again. :)

To start my journal of pictures, I have a couple to share with you. Before I share them, however, I have a story to tell you. Nikki and I have known each other for 8 years now. In the early years of our friendship, we used to talk about how we wished we'd known each other earlier in life so we could have been roommates. We had so much fun being friends, we figured it would have been really fun to live together. We also had grand plans of traveling together - going as couples to backpack across Europe (something we all wanted to do) or doing stuff as families someday. Obviously our stories didn't evolve how we wanted them to. But God has shown us such great love and mercy in the gifts He has given us instead. We are about to start our 3rd year of being roommates. (Yes, it has been as fun as we imagined it might be!) And tomorrow, we will be going overseas and taking a trip together. It might not look exactly like we thought it would, but God is still at work redeeming our stories and allowing dreams to come true. And we are grateful.

With that said, here are two pictures of Nikki and me from four years ago, right before I moved to Boston.


At the time, we had no idea what God had in store for either of us - we were just trying to survive. Now four years later, we are living proof that God really does bring beauty out of ashes. Steven Curtis Chapman has a song that is called "All Things New". Below are part of the lyrics...

"Then the world was broken, fallen and battered and scarred
You took the hopeless, the life, wasted, ruined and marred
And made it new

You make all things new
You make all things new
You redeem and You transform
You renew and You restore
You make all things new
You make all things new
And forever we will watch and worship You

You turn winter into spring
You take every living thing
And You breathe Your breath of life into it over and over again.."

I am thankful that God is continually at work, redeeming and transforming and making all things new. I invite you to join us on this journey as God keeps breathing life into us in new ways over these next 16 days. Thank you in advance for your prayers for traveling mercies, safety, and an amazing time with old friends and new! God willing, my next entry will come to you from Greece!!

Catching Up, Reflections and Randomness

So as a blog writer, I am totally fired. It's been a month-and-a-half since my last blog. Since I began this blog 4 years ago, I do believe this is the longest break between entries that I have ever had. It comes with good reason, as I have just been trying to survive an intense period of time of work and school, but still. I shall try to do a bit of catch up now and for the two of you who might still read this, have no fear - many more blogs are coming in the very near future! Why? Well, 3 weeks from tomorrow, I am leaving for Greece!!!

I am soooo excited to go, and even though I will be taking a class while there, we will be doing a ton of sightseeing, and I know the entire experience is going to be incredible. I can't wait to share pictures and stories and adventures with you, so be on the lookout for those posts beginning in June (the trip is June 6-22). I'm also thrilled because Nikki is going with me, and I know that the trip will be so awesome to be able to share it with her and other close friends from school.

School is going very well, although I must admit that it is exhausting. I took an extra class during the spring semester, which meant that for the last seven weeks of the semester, I was taking 3 classes at once. I was working at least 35 hours a week, in class 3 nights a week, and trying to get all of my homework/tests/projects/papers done during the times I was off. This should explain my absence from my blog! I survived, but barely. I am still trying to recover in a lot of ways. The only problem with attempting to recover is that 3 days after spring semester ended, I started my first summer class. It's my psychopathology class, which covers all of the disorders and is the hardest class I've had to this point. I love it, find it fascinating, but the entire class is taking place in five weeks, which puts a bit of a strain on getting things done in time. A few days after this class ends, I leave for Greece, and then I start my next summer class a few days after returning home. A little nutty, but I'm attempting to balance truly not having much time for breaks if I want to get everything done to taking needed breaks. This is why I am now blogging and may take the rest of the day off from schoolwork, even though I should spend the next 5 hours reading and/or writing. :)

Along with the school and work side of life, in recent days, my parents have also accepted a job for my dad in Nashville and will be moving in a few weeks, and I am having to decide whether or not to have surgery to remove my "containing nodules with suspicious cells" thyroid when I return from Greece. More details to come on all of that at some point, but for now, let me just say that I would appreciate your prayers for wisdom and balance and strength and bravery in pretty much all areas of life right now. I know I'm right where I am supposed to be, but it's also not easy. I'm in the process of learning how to extend grace to myself and appreciate what does get done, instead of fretting about what may or may not be.

For a random picture, and an attempt to break up a post with lots of words, here is a cute picture of my cat:

This was her sleeping on her pillow one morning. Thankfully she is very cute and usually makes me smile. :)

Finally, in a bit of reflection....I honestly don't notice dates much anymore, simply due to passage of time and healing and the fact that life does go on. However, I noticed what date it was today and had a kind of "oh yeah" moment. Otherwise it really would have passed me by as just another day. On May 15th four years ago, my divorce was finalized. I can't believe it's been that long. I can't believe what has happened in my life in the four years since. This blog is an amazing tale of adventures and the faithfulness of God as He has walked with me through this time. I am truly grateful for every moment.

I just finished a paper for my class that I had to write on my own pathology - what the issues are that I have battled and still struggle with and how they came to be. An exceptionally depressing paper to write if you look at it apart from Christ, but with hope...well, it changes everything. I'll share my conclusion of my paper here to end this blog because it sums up well these last four years. Thank you for walking this journey with me, for your support, love and encouragement and for praying for me. Many more entries to come soon, so stick around! :) And now for the conclusion...(the book quoted is "To Be Told" by Dan Allender)

In some ways, looking back over family history and examining your story in more detail can be a painful experience. It brings you face to face with the depth of the depravity of man. If I look simply at the sin, patterns, habits and defense mechanisms that have followed my family down through generations, it makes me sad to see how the choices we all make affect ourselves and those who come after us in ways we are unaware of and certainly do not intend. Thankfully, the story does not stop there. There is an answer that gives hope and allows for healing, and it is found in the person of Jesus Christ. Because of Him, it allows for this description of life to be true in our story: "It is about how we came to be who we are (Creation), how we lost ourselves (the Fall), what it means to discover the name God has written for us (redemption), and how the ending of our story reflects the great consummation of God’s story (His coming). Our plot is an encounter with the heartache and dreams and desires related to our personal tragedies – the events of our life that occur between fall and redemption and, ultimately, glorification” (Allender, 2005, p. 15). Thanks be to God that this paper and the contents within it are not the end. Even in my own journey and the journey of my family, God is at work healing and restoring and redeeming. As difficult as the hard times have been to walk through, and as difficult as some days still are and will be in future times of adversity, I am thankful God loved me enough to introduce me to myself and let me come face to face with the things that keep me the farthest from Him. In that introduction, He is walking with me through the healing process, and I am confident that the One who started this work in me will carry it out to its completion when all things will be made new.

Tidbits

Greetings to the few of you who still check my blog for updates! I figure since March is almost over I should probably check in and let you know what's happening. I truly don't have much time to post blog updates, but sometimes you have to make time to share the things that are going on. So this post will be a random collection of tidbits of the recent happenings in the life of me.

To begin with, school is awesome! I love it and am really enjoying my classes. However, I have added an extra class for the last half of this semester, and it has made life quite interesting. I now have class 3 nights a week instead of just 2, and adding that extra night really does make a big difference. I am taking a Play Therapy class though that I absolutely love, and since that is the extra class, it makes the additional stress somewhat okay. :) I'll try to write a separate post soon about what Play Therapy is and how I hope to incorporate it with my clients someday, but suffice it to say that I'm super excited and am enjoying learning about something that I feel like I was made to do!

Work is going well. We are beginning to pick up with spring breakers and as we get closer to summer, we will get busier and busier. I got to be the baby cow on Saturday at the store and had a blast! I danced around, gave people high fives, gave kids little mini-cows and even blew some kisses. It was a fun time. Here I am as the cow:

My dear friend Jenn had baby number 2 on Friday, and I finally got to go visit her at the hospital today. As I was holding baby Mia, I couldn't help but marvel at the creation and design God has in place for new life. I don't see how it's possible to watch a baby grow in someone for 9 months and then hold the new creation and not believe in God. The way He creates is amazing and getting to hold a brand new life is one of the greatest privileges!


Prior to going to the hospital, I met my friends Liz & Tony, who are in town for the weekend, and we got to go see a Braves spring training game. It was sooooo hot (hence my wilted appearance when holding Mia - what happens after you spend 3 hours sweating!), but it was so much fun! It was great to see them and catch up some, and of course I always love watching some baseball. Liz and I bonded many years ago over our mutual love for sports, and even though it's nice to visit and catch up, I must confess I love going to games with people who love the game as much as me and like watching it! :) This was the 3rd game I've been to this spring and the first one the Braves lost, so I'm blaming Liz for that one. :) The regular season finally starts Thursday night - I can't wait! Although I won't have much time to watch any games, there is just something more right with the world when baseball season is going on.


Today is my baby brother Michael's 29th birthday! Happy birthday brother! I can't believe that next year we will all be in our 30's. I hope that this next year brings him many blessings and fun adventures.

In other random news, my dad was informed on Thursday that his job was being eliminated. That came as quite a shock, as he was just coming up on his first anniversary with this company. My parents don't know what they will be doing next, as there are many factors to continue. Please pray that my dad will find something soon that will provide for them and that will be a good fit for him and for the family circumstances that have to be considered. There is certainly never a dull moment in life, is there? If nothing else, this job allowed my parents to be back in GA for some significant family events that took place this past year, including my grandmother's surgery, so I know they are thankful they have been there. I also know they would like to stay there, but they are trusting God to direct this next step. I will certainly keep you posted.

I think that is all of my tidbits for now. I have a few things to finish up for school before I can sleep, so I shall go for now. I'll try to be better about posting but make no promises until this semester is over! :) Just know this - a lack of posts means insanity in life, and so prayers are always appreciated as I continue on this journey that God has allowed me to travel. There is definitely a sense of balance that I am trying to maintain with work, school, homework, an occasional moment of downtime and some occasional sleep. While this is just for a season, I also want to enjoy this season for what it is and not miss what God is doing everyday around me. So prayers are certainly appreciated, and I'll do my best to keep you updated when I can! Hope you have a great week!