Life

Greetings to you all on a cloudy day here in the "Sunshine State". It's been a tough couple of weeks, and I find myself almost at a loss as to how to put words to all that is taking place. I'll do my best though!

To begin, my friends Jenn and Will had their first baby last week. She is so beautiful and so incredibly tiny! I got to hold her in the hospital when she was only hours old, and we spent some time with them yesterday at their house. Here is a picture of her.

It's amazing to me to look at a newborn and realize we all started out that way - tiny, completely helpless and fully dependent on others for everything. And yet as adults, we try to do everything on our own, depending on no one. When does that transformation happen? When do we get to the place where it is considered a weakness to show the depths of our struggles? And what makes us fight against a complete dependence on God? There is no safer place to be than resting fully in Him, and yet we often fight that with everything we have.

In the last two weeks, I have traveled to the Great White North and to GA for a weekend. Out of the time spent in each place, goodbyes took place. One goodbye was to a fantastic guy that I had the privilege of getting to spend a few months getting to know but who ultimately just wasn't the best fit for me. The other goodbyes were to people who have been a part of my life for years but who it was time to let go of and move on from. Both situations were painful, for different reasons, but both were also necessary.

I must confess I am tired of this journey. It's been a long few years, and I wish sometimes that God would hurry the process up and that I would be done with this particular road. And yet, everything I have walked through and continue to walk through has forced me into a dependence on God not unlike being a newborn. I can't do anything in this life apart from Him, and when I try....well, it isn't pretty.

I am weary. I am sad. I still need a job. I still have dreams that may or may not come true. I miss my family. I miss my church. I continue to battle the physical effects of stress. But I am okay. And God is good. Jesus loves me. And that is enough.

Hello From Georgia!

Hi everyone! It's been awhile, and I know I have much to catch you up on. I am currently in the great state of Georgia, relaxing at the Freeman's house. My mom came in town for the weekend, so Nikki and I decided to drive up for the weekend and hang out with some family and friends. We've had a lot of fun! It's been great to be able to see my mom and brother Matthew again. We had to bring Ellie too, so she has been staying at Matthew's house. She loves having a whole house to run around in!!

As far as last weekend goes, I had a nice visit to New Hampshire. Everyone was so nice and friendly, and the wedding was lovely. Spending the time up there helped me clarify some things too in moving forward in life. I am thankful for the time that I had up there!

On Sunday, I got to go down to Gloucester and go back to my church, which was awesome! It was so good to see everyone again. Michael led worship, and then after church, we had a cookout with all of the worship team folks. It was great to have a chance to just spend the afternoon with everyone. When we got finished with that, we went and played putt-putt with Michael and his girlfriend Bekah. Here are some fun pictures from that afternoon!






I enjoyed getting to see everyone again, but being up in the north did help confirm that I am so happy I have moved back south. I love the sunshine and the warmth and the culture, and I am really glad that I live in Florida now!

I'll post more soon, but for now I am going to go spend some time with the Georgia peeps. Have a great weekend!

Cakes and Such

It has been awhile since my last blog. I should be fired! But to be honest, there isn't a whole lot to share. Still don't have a job. Still looking for one. I figure you guys only want to read so many times how awesome it is to go to Disney and the pool. But I miss not writing blogs, so I am going to try to write more often! Plus, there are things coming up that will need to be blogged about. For instance, I am leaving on Thursday to go to NH for a long weekend. Steve's brother is getting married, and I get to be his (Steve's!) date. :) This also means that I am meeting his ENTIRE family - parents, grandparents, brothers, aunts, uncles, cousins, etc. all at the same time. Pray for me! :) I am really looking forward to the trip though and can't wait to see Steve again! In this same trip, I also get to see my brother and my East Gloucester friends, and that will be fun too! I can't wait to see everyone. I'll take pictures and share stories of all of this when I return.

It is definitely frustrating to still not have a job. I have been doing so many different things to find one and keep running into dead ends. But even in the midst of the madness, it has also been a really great time. I have had a lot of down time, and that has allowed me to really look at some stuff and God has been continuing to heal me in so many ways. So it's good. But I'd like to find work soon!

Nikki has been really sick for about a week now, but she is taking a cake decorating class at Michael's. She is working on her very first cake, so I thought I'd document some of her progress. Here is her first cake she has ever baked cooling, and the first batches of icing she made!


And here is my fabulous roommate as she is making icing. Sorry for the blurriness of the picture!

Finally, just for fun, here are 2 pictures of me and Ellie. Ellie has been very needy this weekend, wanting to be patted lots. But she makes me smile everyday, so we'll keep her around! In the first one, she was trying to get away, so it's blurry. It's funny though - looks like she's waving!!


Gotta run for now - I have a Braves game to watch!! More to come soon though. Have a great week!

A Promise Of Life

I love rainbows. I always have. There is something so majestic about them, especially when they are bright and clear and you can see all of the colors. And of course, they always remind me of God's promises. Most of us know the story of Noah's ark, when God flooded the whole earth. At the end of all of it, He put a rainbow in the sky, and this is the promise that He made...

"I set My bow in the cloud, and it shall be for a sign of a covenant between Me and the earth. And it shall come about, when I bring a cloud over the earth, that the bow shall be seen in the cloud, and I will remember My covenant, which is between Me and you and every living creature of all flesh; and never again shall the water become a flood to destroy all flesh." Genesis 9:13-15

Now here we are thousands of years later, and God has kept His covenant - He has never again destroyed the entire earth with a flood. God made covenants with His people throughout history, but I love how with this one, there is a visible sign to us of His promise.....a promise of life, of hope...

Since moving to Florida, Nikki and I have seen rainbows almost once a week. They pop out a lot here with the rain showers and sunshine. And each time one has come, it has been so fantastic because it's been at a time when we were struggling with the unknown or not having jobs, and it's like God just gives us a reminder that He's still here. He's not going anywhere, and He's with us, and if we need some proof, well, have a nice big rainbow.

Last night, there was actually a double rainbow. It was awesome. And it stayed in the sky for at least half an hour. We tried to get pictures, but we could not fit the entire rainbow in one picture - it was too wide. So here are a couple of attempts to capture the beauty of what we saw, although it certainly doesn't do it justice. Look closely and see if you can see the double rainbow!


So thanks God for an awesome reminder of Your presence in our lives!

Friends

Happy Monday to all! I should be desperately searching for a job right now, but I am instead taking a break to put up a quick blog. For those of you who are my Facebook friends, you will have probably already seen these pictures, but I wanted to post this anyway.

When I was on staff at West Ridge, I had a co-worker named Tim Grandstaff, who at the time was the children's pastor. He and his wife Tandy just recently moved to Orlando, where they will be planting a church that is going to get started at the first of the year. Nikki and I have gotten to see them a couple of times since we've been here. Tandy is an excellent photographer, who has her own business, and she has been kind enough to let Nikki and I tag along with her on some of her photo shoots so we can learn and continue to improve our own picture taking ability.

On Saturday, we all met in downtown Orlando to take pictures of my friend Jenn and her husband Will, who will be welcoming their first baby into the world in about a month. We had a great time! Here are a few of my favorite shots that I took....



I'm really looking forward to continuing to learn as much as I can about photography and continue to improve in my picture taking. I'm thankful Tandy is willing to share her knowledge with us!

One of the things I have enjoyed most about being down here is having the opportunity after 2 years of living in different states to get to spend time with Nikki again. And I am looking forward to continuing to develop friendships with Will & Jenn and Tim & Tandy as well, plus any other people God brings into my life. While I desperately miss my friends from Gloucester, I am very thankful for those that I have here.

And now, back to searching for a job!! :)

A Renewed Hope

Hi everybody! Well, as promised from my last post, I am going to try and put "on paper" some of what God has been doing in my life over these last weeks. We'll see how successful I am, as so much of what is in my head is still being processed. But I do want to keep you posted on what's going on, so here goes....

First of all, living with Nikki has been totally awesome. It has been such a blessing to share life with her as a roommate. We've been able to talk about so many things, and while I would never wish our experiences on anyone, it's nice to talk with someone who really does know how you feel. In our discussions, we've had some great conversations that have really redeemed some of what we have walked through in these last years.

Along with conversations we've shared, we have also watched a couple of videos that have been very encouraging (Louie Giglio from Passion - Hope When Life Hurts Most) and great reminders of what is true. We've been visiting churches here in Orlando, and at every single church we've visited, the sermon has been on hope, trust, faith, or facing your fears. I've also read some books, talked with people, received encouraging emails.....and through all of it, I have ended up at the same place...

No matter what the circumstances look like, no matter how dark the night, no matter if I understand or not, Jesus loves me. Period. The end. It sounds simple, but believing that changes everything. If I ever doubt that Jesus loves me, all I have to do is look at the cross where He died for me, and that should pretty much clear up any question I have of His love for me. And in His hanging there on a cross, He experienced it all - He was betrayed, He was scorned, He was considered weak and powerless, He was beaten to a pulp, He tasted death....and yet, what looked like the worst moment in history became the turning point for mankind. Love won. And when I rest in His love for me, I can trust Him - NO MATTER WHAT.

Life is full of uncertainties. None of us know the number of our days. And trouble will come to us all. But we can live life safely, letting our fears chart our course, or we can let go of our fears, hang on to God, and live in the peace that trusting Him brings. I have lived the last few years of my life letting my fear dictate my decisions, determine much of how I viewed life, and certainly not trusting God fully. God is working on my heart, molding, healing, bringing me face to face with the fears that I have let stand in the way. Is this an easy process? Painless? Fun? Heck no! But there is no other place I'd rather be. Because the only sure thing in this life - the only place to build our foundation - is in Christ. And by trusting in Him completely, I can be free to truly live, to love, to risk, and to run through this life, praising the one who gives me life in the first place.

I don't know what tomorrow will bring. But I have hope. I am excited about what God is doing and what He has in store. And I look forward to sharing it with all of you! I will keep you posted and would appreciate your prayers that God will give me the courage to let go, fully trust Him, and once again fully live.

Still Alive!

Hi everybody! I am so sorry for the delay between my posts. I have been a horrible blogger this month! I am going to attempt to be much better about blogging because there is much to share and I don't want to lose all of my loyal readers.

One reason I haven't written all that much lately is because not a lot has changed. I still don't have a job - ACK! - and am searching everyday for one. Your prayers that something would develop soon would be much appreciated. I have enjoyed the time off though. It's been a time for relaxation, reading, going to the pool, going to Disney, and just giving my body a chance to chill. I'm thankful for this time, although I do need to find a job soon so that I can continue to eat and pay my bills.

Another good thing that has come from this down time is that God is really working in my life, doing some deep healing, and it's been cool - although difficult at times. I'm still processing so many things, but expect a post soon where I try to put some of these last weeks into words.

For now, I thought I'd show a cute picture of Ellie. She is settling in really well and enjoying her new home. She's running all over the apartment and enjoying the space. She loves to go outside on the balcony, and the other day, I caught her sitting in the window on the balcony enjoying the view.

Isn't she cute? :)

Keep checking in - more to come soon, I promise! Love you all!

We Live Here!!

Greetings to you all from the land of sun, heat, smiles, and Disney World!! Nikki and I were trying to be super responsible and not get our Disney season passes when we first moved down here because neither of us has a job yet, and well....they're not exactly cheap. Well, we made it three weeks before we finally broke down yesterday and got our passes. Nikki had her first Disney audition and it didn't go as well as she would have liked, so we decided that we needed some "theme park therapy". So we purchased our passes online and headed to the Magic Kingdom around 6:30!

Here are some pictures from our first of many trips to Disney....I am putting 2 of me in even though they are similar because we took these pictures in front of my favorite ride at the Magic Kingdom - Splash Mountain. I thought it was cool you could see the boat in one of them. And Nikki was really happy to finally have a coke! :)



We only stayed a couple of hours and rode four rides, but as we walked around, we kept saying, "Oh my gosh, we live here! We can come to Disney World whenever we want!" It was awesome! And to any of you who wish to come visit - we'd love to take you to Disney and share our favorite things! :)

I didn't visit Disney World for the first time until I was a senior in high school and our band came down. Since that time, I have always loved this place. I love the creativity and imagination, the rides, and the way that it helps encourage you to stay young at heart. When I was married, Jeff brought me to Disney for our first anniversary, and as he left a month later, I was always worried that Disney would hold negative memories or be a place I wouldn't want to return to. But over time and several visits, God has totally redeemed this place for me, and now....not only do I still love it, I get to go whenever I want! I am very thankful for that gift.

Nikki and still don't have jobs, and there are more unanswered questions than there are certainties. But as we left Magic Kingdom last night, we stopped for a moment and took in this sight, smiling at the realization.... We live here!

Relaxation

Greetings from the land of blue hairs and q-tips! (Q-tips are what my brothers and I call those people in the world with white hair. Ahem.) Hope you are all doing well and enjoying summer so far. I can't believe it is almost mid-July. Where has the time gone??

Anyway, here in the great state of Florida, I am still searching for a job. We've been here for 2 weeks and 2 days, and I know that it takes some time to find a new job, but it's still a little stressful. Hopefully something will be found very soon! In the meantime, along with job searching, I am trying to enjoy this time off while I have it and just relax and rest. Easier said than done at times, but I'm trying to remember that God knows exactly what I need and He's always provided before.

So in trying to relax, I have spent some time at our pool. Notice the storm clouds in the sky. Yes, we stayed at the pool. The clouds blew over. Sometimes they do, most times they don't. It pretty much rains at least once a day here. I've seen some amazing rain and lightening since I've been here. It gives me hope for the hurricane season. I'm already searching out a sturdy tree or post I can tie myself to when the hurricane winds come! Imagine the nature pictures you could get in the middle of a hurricane! :)

Ellie is getting much more comfortable with her new home. She's out and about a lot now, she has adopted Nikki as her new favorite person, and she is claiming various places in the apartment as her own. Here's proof...


Nikki and I got a rug thingy for in front of our kitchen sink. We thought it was appropriate and a good reminder as we begin this new chapter in Orlando.

No matter what circumstances are happening in life, I hope all of us learn how to embrace fully all of what God allows. If there are rainbows, enjoy them. And if there aren't, make sure you jump in some puddles when you dance in the rain. And on that note, I think I'll go read a book. It's tough being unemployed, but someone's gotta do it! :)

Promise

Greetings to you from Orlando! It's been a little crazy around here as we have been trying to find jobs, get things settled, and figure out what to do next. Reality has also been hitting a little bit that we actually live in Florida now. We're not here on vacation, we're actually staying here... and on top of all of that, deeper continued healing keeps taking place.

I read this quote from a book written by Robin Jones Gunn, one of my favorite authors.... "So, if I love God, and I mean really love God with abandon, then I must come to love myself, my life. I need to love my story at the heart level. That's what I believe life is for all of us. A story being written by God. He is the Author and Finisher of our faith. When I start to love my story, with all its messed up twists and turns, then I can love other people who are living out their own stories with all their messed up twists and turns."

This quote really hit me because I realized that while healing has occurred and continues, I don't really love the story God has written in my life in the last few years. At times I'm embarrassed by it, worried how it makes me look, sometimes filled with regret and shame over what has happened. Obviously I believe that God has used this all for my good and His glory, and I ultimately wouldn't change any of it, but I haven't embraced it - I haven't loved the story God has written for me, with the twists and turns He has allowed.

And now I find myself in a new place, with the only certainty being that I have a place to live, a Florida license, and the opportunity to live with one sister and near another. Today was a discouraging day because Nikki and I ran into some deadends in the job search. Not really deadends, but just not much that was encouraging. We were feeling really sorry for ourselves, sitting on the couch having a pity party and trying to figure out what to do. To top it off, it was raining and nasty outside.

So we were sitting on the couch, eating dinner, and I happened to look up and out the window and saw the most glorious rainbow. It was SO bright and vivid. I scared my cat because I yelled, "Oh my gosh, look it's a sign!!!! Go get your camera!" We both jumped off the couch and got our cameras and went out to our balcony. The rainbow was a full rainbow - and was so big that we couldn't capture the whole thing in one photo from our balcony. As soon as we got out there and started taking pictures, the rainbow started fading.

In the Bible, rainbows are always a symbol of God's promise, and Nikki and I needed a reminder of how much He loves us and that we can trust Him more than I can say. I might not always understand God's plans, His ways, and I may still be learning to love the story He's writing in my life, but tonight He reminded me that He loves me, He does have a plan, and He created me for a purpose. I got my very own rainbow to prove it!